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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917143">Here For You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamegirl22/pseuds/Flamegirl22'>Flamegirl22</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judy_The_Dreamer/pseuds/Judy_The_Dreamer'>Judy_The_Dreamer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Team as Family, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:36:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>52,760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamegirl22/pseuds/Flamegirl22, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judy_The_Dreamer/pseuds/Judy_The_Dreamer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is at a carnival when he meets a psychic. She offers to tell him his future. Tony reluctantly allows it, but doesn't believe it. When her predictions start coming true, he is faced with the choice she had given him: Save Bucky and die or live and allow Bucky to die. Faced with the realization that he was running out of time, Tony sets out to do what he can to take care of those he loves before his time runs out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark, Steve Rogers &amp; Tony Stark, Tony Stark &amp; Avengers Team</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Iron Man Big Bang 2019/2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24910963">[Art] Here For You</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judy_The_Dreamer/pseuds/Judy_The_Dreamer">Judy_The_Dreamer</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A big Thank You to my artist https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judy_The_Dreamer/pseuds/Judy_The_Dreamer for the wonderful art!<br/>Thank you to my beta, rebel-author-chick, for all the work you did on this.<br/>Thank you to the mods who made this challenge possible!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late in the evening in a small town in South Carolina. The sun had set a little after 6 o’clock, leaving the sky bright with stars. After their last mission, part of the team decided to check out a local carnival. It was a very small town boasting about 2,000 people. Clint had set the Quinjet down outside of the town lines. The fight with the acid spitting pink blobs hadn’t taken very long because Thor had known what they were and how to kill them. Bruce and Tony had come up with a solvent that neutralized the acid making cleanup that much easier for state officials and stayed behind to help clean up. </p><p> </p><p>            In the time they had been fighting and cleaning the nor’easter that had been brewing had hit, battering New York City relentlessly, making it impossible to get back home. So they decided to wait it out here. Clint, Natasha, Sam and Bruce decided to stay at the hotel while Steve, Tony, Bucky and Thor had decided to check out the carnival. They had split up almost as soon as they arrived; Thor went to watch a pie eating contest, Steve and Bucky went to wander around the rides and Tony decided he was just going to wander around. Tony hadn’t even wanted to come but the other three had convinced him to. He had never been to a carnival in his life and so far he wasn’t too impressed. Tony wandered pass several game booths, not too interested in any of them, until he came across two young children, one boy and the younger, a girl. The boy couldn’t have been older than ten years old and the girl maybe five or six.</p><p> </p><p>            He stopped to watch the boy try to get rings on the necks of bottles. He couldn’t manage to get them, they kept bouncing off. Tony knew the angle he was throwing them was the problem. He realized that the boy was trying to win the big teddy bear with fluffy white fur and a big green bow around its neck for the girl. She was disappointed but not overly upset, the boy however, was visibly distraught. They were getting ready to leave, after the boy searched his pockets for more money, when Tony stepped forward.</p><p> </p><p>            “Hold on,” Tony said as he pulled out his wallet. He set a twenty-dollar bill down on the counter, the attendant watching him. “How about we all play. I’m sure between us, we can get the bear.”</p><p>            “Oh gosh mister, are you sure?” The boy asked, blue eyes going wide.</p><p>Tony smiled at the two children staring up at him. He motioned for them to come up to the counter. The attendant took Tony’s money and set a bucket, filled with rings, in front of them. Tony turned to the kids, bent down slightly so he was closer to their level and explained, “You want to keep the ring as level as you can. So, try tossing them like you would a frisbee. The more the rings spin, the more level it will stay.” </p><p>Tony took a ring and motioned for the kids to do the same. He showed them how to hold it between their thumb and forefinger. He tossed his first ring with a snap of his wrist, and it bounced off the bottle. Tony looked down to see both kids looking at him skeptically.</p><p>            “Try it, I promise, it does work. We should be able to land a few with all these rings.” Tony said, noticing that the attendant was watching them closely.</p><p>The boy and girl tossed their rings the way Tony had shown them. Both got the same result Tony had. Tony motioned for them to both try again. It took Tony three tries before he got a ring on the bottle, after every throw he’d adjust his aim or his stance a little bit, until he got the desired result. Both children looked at him with wide eyes.</p><p>            “Well, don’t just stand there, we have more rings to throw and a bear to get,” Tony said with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>By the time they were done, Tony had gotten another two and with Tony’s gentle corrections, both the children managed to get one a piece. Tony told the kids to get what they wanted. The attendant looked shocked at how this had turned out, but dutifully got the bear, a dragon for the boy and, after putting their heads together to whisper for a minute, got an iPod. </p><p>            “We don’t really want anything else,” the boy turned to Tony, looking up at him with big blue eyes. “We want you to get something you want, so you remember this.”</p><p>Tony smiled at the two kids looking up at him. “Are you sure? There are some awesome stuffed animals up there.”</p><p>The little girl spoke for the first time “Yes, Sir, we’re sure.”</p><p>            “Well then kiddos, I would be honored to take something home to remember this. How about you pick two out something for me?” </p><p> </p><p>            The two kids light back up and put their heads back together again. They decided on a little green frog and an adorable black and white puppy. Tony couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face when the two children offered him the stuffed animals. He knew he wasn’t going to keep them, not for long anyway, but he couldn’t deny being touched that these two kids wanted him to have a keepsake. After several more thank yous, the kids scampered off into the crowd. Tony spared a minute to wonder if he should have let the kids go off alone, but he figured he wasn’t their parent and he assumed their parents knew, so with a mental shrug, he moved on. </p><p> </p><p>            Tony found Bucky and Steve around the food booths, sitting at a picnic table. Steve had several slices of pizza on two paper plates sitting in front of him. Bucky, on the other hand, went with sweets and was munching on a funnel cake. Powdered sugar dotted both his beard and his light blue shirt. Tony couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. There was just something funny to him about seeing one of the deadliest men on the planet covered in powdered sugar from eating a funnel cake. The two men looked up at him as he strolled closer, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. </p><p>            “Tony!” Steve smiles up at him and offered him a slice of pizza, which Tony shook his head at.</p><p>            “Hey Tony,” Bucky nodded before he shoved another bit of funnel cake in his mouth.</p><p>Tony shook his head with a laugh before he went over to a booth advertising cheeseburgers. After Tony had his burger, fries and soda, he returned to Steve and Bucky. He sat down beside Bucky, facing Steve. He pushed the large basket of fries into the middle of the table and told the other two men to help themselves. </p><p> </p><p>            While they ate, Steve and Bucky told Tony about the rides they had seen and the few they had gone on. Tony teased them about finding a ride that would do anything for either of them, considering they both made a habit of jumping out of or off high objects. </p><p>            “So-” Bucky broke in, motioning to the toys Tony left on the side of the table. “Are you finally going to tell us why you have a stuffed frog and puppy?”</p><p>Tony, not expecting that, choked on his drink. Bucky reached over and pounded him on the back firmly. </p><p>            “You know,” Tony wheezed. “That doesn’t actually help, right?”</p><p>Bucky stopped and looked at him with wide blue eyes. “What do you mean it doesn’t help?”</p><p>            “Maybe let him catch his breath first?” Steve broke in. “Then he can tell us.”</p><p>Tony coughed for almost another minute. When he was done he was panting and rubbing at his chest gently. He pushed himself up from where he was leaning over the table to look at the two nonagenarians. He took as deep of a breath as he could then explained why that wasn’t a good idea. Why it was harmful. Bucky looked sheepish and apologized, but Tony just waved him off.</p><p>            “What I want to know is why you look like you are in pain.” Steve leaned forward, eyebrows pulled low, frown on his face.</p><p>Tony looked away, not wanting to see that look directed at him.</p><p>            “It’s nothing to worry about Cap-” </p><p>            “See, this is how I know it’s something, Tony. You don’t call me Cap off the battlefield anymore, unless you are deflecting or trying to rile me up. I can’t imagine why you are trying to get a rise out of me right now, so that leaves deflecting. Tony, we care about you. What’s going on?” Steve reached out to touch the back of Tony’s hand with his fingers. Tony startled visibly when he was touched but didn’t pull away. Tony sighed, coughed a few more times, took a careful sip of his drink. He put the cup down and fiddled with the straw, not looking at either of them. </p><p>            “The reactor,” Tony finally mumbled. “It always hurts.”</p><p>            “What do you mean it hurts?” Steve asked, blue eyes wide. “It just sits on your skin, right?”</p><p>            Tony’s head snapped up, brown eyes wide as he looked at the other two men. Both had confused and worried looks on their faces. Tony frowned. “How do you guys not know this? Does no one on the team know? I mean, I kept it from the general public and the physicians I use I trust completely, but I thought SHIELD would have figured it out.”</p><p>            “Know what, Tony?” Bucky demanded.</p><p>Tony sat there looking at the other two, unsure of what to say. He started to talk several times but stopped. He rubbed his hand over his mouth, planted his elbows on the table and rubbed his face. “Do you know what happened in Afghanistan?”</p><p>Bucky and Steve exchanged a look before looking back at Tony.</p><p>            “I know you were captured, and you managed to build the first version of the suit. That’s all I really know.” Steve said slowly, watching Tony closely.</p><p>            “I know that and that you were held for three months.” Bucky paused, chewed on his lower lip for a second then continued hesitantly. “My handler considered sending me in to find you and rescue you. Of course, they wouldn’t have let you go. I’m sure you knew the Ten Rings weren’t letting you out alive. They thought it was a waste to let you die over there. But then you broke yourself out.”</p><p>            “He what? I thought he was rescued.” Steve exclaimed, looking at Bucky before he turned to Tony and repeated. “I thought you were rescued!”</p><p>            “No, I built the Mark 1 in the cave. That’s not the point though. I was telling you about the reactor. When the convoy I was in was hit,” Tony closed his eyes, mouth pressed together, voice tight. “When we were hit, the soldiers who were with me were mowed down. I left the Humvee. I was hit with one of my own bombs and shrapnel entered my chest. I know my weapons, I should have been dead, but the Ten Rings had a doctor they were holding captive. He performed open heart surgery on me in a cave. I was awake for some of it. When I woke up there was a car battery attached to my chest. Eventually I made the reactor. They wanted me to build them a bomb, the Jericho, but instead I built the Mark 1. That’s how I became Iron Man.”</p><p> </p><p>            Tony raised his eyes from the tabletop to the two men sitting with him. Steve’s eyes held a mixture of sadness and shock, while Bucky’s were blank and hard.</p><p>            “I had no idea,” Steve whispered. “I-how did I not know this? I should have known this.”</p><p>Tony reached out and grasped his wrist, trying to get his attention. When he looked up at him Tony said, “it would have been hard for you to know. SHIELD doesn’t even know. Natasha doesn’t know. There was no way for you to know. Pepper doesn’t know everything. Rhodey is the only one who knows exactly what happened and I didn’t even tell him until years later. No offence is meant, but there is no way Rhodey would tell you, or anyone else.”</p><p>Steve looked at Bucky, who shook his head. Steve looked back at Tony who just said, “it’s over, it’s done. It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>            “What are you talking about, not a big deal? Of course it is,” Bucky said. “That’s like saying what HYDRA did to me wasn’t a big deal.”</p><p>Tony’s head snapped up to look at the man sitting next to him. “I never said that. You will never hear me say that. What happened to you was a huge deal. That was something no one deserves to go through. What you and I experienced were vastly different. Fact of the matter is, I’m a baseline human and they needed me to build them weapons, which means they couldn’t do too much physical damage. I was no use to them dead. You, on the other hand, were given a bastardized version of the super soldier serum when you were a POW after the battle at Azzano. That meant they could do a whole lot more to you physically than they could a baseline human. And even then, it took them using that damnable chair before they could use you. Don’t compare the two.”</p><p> </p><p>            Bucky looked away from Tony, turning his attention to the tabletop instead. Tony scrubbed his hands over his face, then looked at Steve. Steve looked between the two, obviously not knowing what to say.       </p><p>            “Alright, enough of this. We can talk about this later if we need to. This isn’t the place for this anway.” Bucky said firmly. “That frog and dog are what started this and you never told us why you have them. I have to say, there is something about Tony Stark carrying around a puppy and a frog that is very amusing.” </p><p>Tony snorted as the blonde outright laughed. Tony turned his attention back to his burger as he told the two about the children he had met. When he looked up again, both men were looking at him with small, amused smiles on their faces.</p><p>            “Stop that,” Tony grumbled, shoving a fry in his mouth. “You would have done the same thing. Don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t have. Have either of you seen Thor?”</p><p> </p><p>            “Nice subject change,” Bucky taunted. “Real smooth.”</p><p>Steve reached out and smacked Bucky’s bicep. “Stop that. Be nice. No, we haven’t seen him. Knowing him, he probably challenged the winner of the pie eating contest to another one.”</p><p>Tony laughed, then said, “You’re right about that.”</p><p> </p><p>The three fell into easy conversation again. They talked about what they were going to do. Steve and Bucky wanted to walk around a little more, they weren’t ready to go back to the hotel just yet. Tony realized he wasn’t either. Tony kept insisting that Bucky eat some of his fries-because, really Bucky, you are a super soldier, you need more than just sugar. Bucky would roll his eyes, but each time he took several fries and Tony would smile at him. When they were done, the three men walked around together for a while. </p><p>After another hour of walking around and talking, they decided they were ready to head back to the hotel. Things were starting to wind down. Thor, of course, wasn’t answering his phone. </p><p>            “Alright,” Steve said with a sigh. “We’ll have an easier time finding him if we split up. I’ll head over to where the rides are. Buck, check out the food area, see if he’s there. Tony, you have games and knickknacks. Bucky if you get done, meet up with Tony. I’ll meet you both over there. And both of you keep your phones on!”</p><p>Tony offered a sloppy salute, turned and headed off toward the games, Bucky’s yell of, “That’s not how you salute” ringing out behind him. Tony just laughed.</p><p> </p><p>            Tony had made his way through the games booths without seeing any sign of Thor. Tony was in the knickknack section of the fair now. He didn’t understand why people would buy this stuff. It was mostly cheap junk that you could buy elsewhere for much less. But, Tony supposed, that was part of the reason people came to places like this. What did he know, really? This was his first time coming to any place like this. Tony was approaching a small tent draped in purple silk cloth and sparkling crystals. A woman is standing in front of the flap, her long skirt waving in the breeze. She shivered slightly as she pulled the shawl closer around her. She fumbled with the crystal in her hand and dropped it. Tony stopped walking, picked it up and handed it back to her. His fingers brushed her palm lightly and she let out a slight gasp. Tony shook his head, assuming she had recognized him. He was just about to leave when a husky voice stopped him.</p><p>            “Your friend needs to watch where he’s walking.”</p><p>            “What?” Tony turned back to her.</p><p>            “The archer. He is going to fall. He will trip. When he does, he will fall into you, knocking you both over. You will sprain your wrist. He needs to mind his laces.”</p><p>Tony shot her an exasperated look. “Look, lady. I get it, you’re trying to make a living, but I’m not interested. Anyone who has seen a press conference knows Clint is a walking disaster. If it is there, Clint will trip over it. Hardly telling the future to tell me that. As for him knocking someone over, that’s not that unusual for him either.”</p><p>            “In the next minute, you are going to get an alert letting you know that your stock prices have risen ten points. I should have no way of knowing that.”</p><p>            “Look, lady-”</p><p>            “You can call me Maggie.”</p><p>Tony sighed through his nose. “Okay, Maggie, then. I don’t know what you are trying to do, but I don’t believe this at all. So, you are just wasting both our time. I’m going to go now.”</p><p>            “So, you believe men can come back from the dead, that demi-gods from Viking lore exist and that magic is real, but you can’t believe in precognition?”</p><p>            “Have a good day,” Tony said before he started to walk away again. He hadn’t made it more than fifteen feet when his phone dinged. Tony couldn’t help but pause. He looked back over his shoulder to see Maggie watching him, a knowing expression in her light eyes. Tony pulled out his phone, trepidation running through him, and sure enough, it was JARVIS informing him of the point increase. Tony shoved his phone back in his pocket, turned on his heel and stalked back over to her. “What do you know?”</p><p>            “Why don’t you come inside, and we can talk.”</p><p>Tony glanced around quickly before he ducked into the tent behind her.</p><p> </p><p>            It was dark inside the tent, there were floor lamps covered in more silk scarves scattered around the room. A round table with four chairs in the center of the room. He could see decks of tarot cards, several crystal balls and crystals hanging from leather tongs. She motioned him to a seat. Tony sighed, rolled his eyes, then sat down. Maggie was an unassuming looking woman. He would guess she was somewhere between his age and Steve and Bucky’s. Her light blond hair was pulled back into a messy pile on her head. With her almost translucent skin, light blue eyes and almost white hair, Tony thought she looked wraith like. He eyed the large crystal ball in the center of the table with disdain.</p><p> </p><p>            Maggie’s voice was soft and lilting when she spoke. “You don’t like my craft.”</p><p>Tony leveled hard brown eyes on her. “I don’t like scam artists. And I don’t like magic. This is too much like magic.”</p><p>Maggie’s pale eyes seemed to bore into Tony’s. He had the uncomfortable feeling she was seeing far more than he was comfortable with and he had to fight not to look away. He wasn’t used to that and he found it disconcerting.</p><p>            “I got flashes when we touched. If I could have your hand, I should be able to get more of a reading.”</p><p> </p><p>            Tony studied the woman across from him. It might not seem like much of a request, but he knew how just giving someone access to skin could cause all sorts of problems. But, he was a good judge of character and he didn’t think this woman would harm him. With a sigh, Tony extended his hand across the small table to the woman. She cupped her left hand under his, then started tracing the lines on his palm with her right middle finger. Her touch was barely there. She traced over his fingers. Her pale eyes fell shut as she pressed her palm against his, cold fingers resting on his wrist. Tony watched as slight shoulders stiffened. She drew in a breath and began to speak.</p><p>            “You are working on something… An arrow. There is an explosion. There is a fire. You are upset it burns a… Watch? You lose both.”</p><p>Tony stiffens against his will. No one, not even Pepper or Rhodey know he is playing with the idea of creating a watch. He focuses back in on her when she starts to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>            “There is a man. He has brown eyes and dark brown hair. You are walking with Mr. Barnes. The stranger runs into you. You are looking at Mr. Barnes, he is looking at his phone. You both start to fall. You are caught by Mr. Branes, the stranger falls to the ground. He starts to yell at you, then he realizes who you both are. He apologizes as he gets to his feet and hurries away. You look at your companion and realize that he is wearing a rather fierce scowl. You lightly hit his arm and make a joke about not scaring the other natives.”</p><p> </p><p>            Tony studied the woman across from him as she paused, her eyes rapidly scanning behind closed lids. </p><p>“You and Miss Potts are in a large, airy office. You’re sitting around a low coffee table, papers scattered across the light wood. She is on a sofa, you are on an armchair. Both are a beautiful cream. You are fighting. A contract. Something went wrong. She wants to give up, you don’t. You say it’s your only foothold into Africa with green energy. That your company can do a lot of good there. She doesn’t agree. You are both frustrated when you leave. You are at a stalemate.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony felt the first frizzle of unease. SI was in the early days of a contract negotiation with a young company on the African continent. He has no idea how she would know this. But everything was going well. Tony’s head snapped up when she pulled in a harsh breath and pulled away with a violent jerk. She lifted her trembling hand up to cover her mouth as she opened her eyes. The light blue eyes were glistening with tears. </p><p>“What?” Tony asked. “Are you okay?”</p><p>She pushed away from the table and crossed to the other side of the small room. She picked up one of the crystals and began running her fingers over it. Tony realized that she was calming herself down.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a policy,” she finally said, voice soft. “About giving bad news. I usually don’t. Usually there is nothing that can be done. It simply is. The three situations I’ve already described to you are going to happen. They simply are. Rarely, there is something that can be done. A choice. The last... You have a choice.” Her voice trailed off and Tony was uncertain about what to do. He didn’t know what to believe. There was no possible way she could know about the watch. The man, that’s plausible. He lives in New York City and of course Bucky won’t take well to someone yelling at him. But the contract... her describing the office wasn’t anything special, Pepper’s been photographed in her office for Forbes many times before, but how would she know about the African contract? Finally, when she hadn’t spoken for over a minute, Tony prompted “What choice?”</p><p> </p><p>She finally looked up at him and he was surprised at the grief in the light blue eyes. A single tear spilled free, trailed down pale skin and fell off a pointed chin. “You chose who lives and who dies. You can live and Mr. Barnes dies. Or, you give your life to save Mr. Barnes. There is no other way. I am sorry.”</p><p>Tony sits there as he thinks over what he has just been told. Finally, he said “Can you give me any more information than that?”</p><p>She gathers herself and starts to tell Tony about a situation where the Avengers are needed. She doesn’t have all the information, but she knows they are all there, that they are underground, the building is like a maze. Bucky is unconscious. There is a bomb. Tony is the closest to him. He must make a choice. That is all she knows.</p><p> </p><p>            Several minutes pass in silence. When Tony looks up from studying the table at her, she looks haunted. Tony doesn’t know if he believes her or not, but he feels a thread of sympathy. If she really did have a… Gift, it was a pretty terrible one. He slid a hundred-dollar bill out of his wallet, set it on the table and walked out, leaving her behind him, watching him go.</p><p> </p><p>            Tony wanders around the carnival aimlessly. His mind keeps going over what she had told him. He was trying to rationalize it away, but he was finding it hard to. There were things that she shouldn’t know about. He pulled out his phone and typed instructions to JARVIS to start looking to see if they have a leak somewhere. Tony’s head snapped up when he heard a familiar voice call his name. Steve, Thor and Bucky were walking toward him quickly, people moving to get out of the way of the three large men.</p><p>            “Are you okay?” Bucky asked, as soon as they were in talking distance, eyebrows pulled low over blue eyes as he reached out to touch Tony’s shoulder.</p><p>Tony looked back and forth between his friends, trying to figure out what the problem was.</p><p>            “We found Thor, but then realized that we lost you. You weren’t answering your phone,” Steve explained softly. “We got worried when we couldn’t get in touch with you.”</p><p>Tony shook his head, trying to clear it. “Yeah, sorry. I got distracted with a work call. JARVIS will filter my calls when I’m on another call if I can’t take it. Sorry. I didn’t think it would take that long. Someone in R&amp;D had a minor emergency and they weren’t sure how to handle it. As the head of R&amp;D one of the supervisors called me.”</p><p>Tony carefully didn’t meet any of their eyes, unsure if they would give him away as Bucky had claimed more than once.</p><p>            “Okay,” Steve said slowly. “I think we are pretty much done here. Why don’t we head back and catch some sleep? Hopefully we can head for home tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>            Tony was quiet on the way back. He could see the others exchanging looks and he was pretty sure none of them believed him about the work call. But, none of them pressed and Tony was more than happy to take a shower when they got back. There had only been four rooms available, and seeing how it was a small town, they were the only hotel around. They hadn’t had any other options. They were all thankful it was clean and they had all spent the night in far worse places and with worse people than each other. Before shutting the bathroom door Tony heard Steve quietly telling Bucky to keep an eye on him before Steve headed off to his room with Sam.</p><p> </p><p>When Tony came out of the bathroom Bucky was reclined on his bed, hands folded on his flat stomach and eyes closed. Tony moved to his bed, which was closest to the bathroom and furthest from the door. He knew Bucky had done that on purpose but decided to let it slide. He was just settling into his bed when the other man spoke up, voice gentle.</p><p>            “We know you were lyin’ to us. We don’t know why; we don’t know what happened. But Tony,” Bucky opened his eyes and pierced Tony with his intense blue gaze. “We know somethin’ shook ya up. Whatever it is, ya can tell us. Any of us are willin’ to listen. Don’t forget that.”</p><p>Tony couldn’t do anything but nod. When Bucky finally looked away, Tony settled down into his bed, hoping for sleep that he was pretty sure wouldn’t come.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/189041402@N03/50043900687/in/dateposted-public/"></a>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here is chapter 2. I  hope you enjoy! </p>
<p>PJ is a nickname for Pararescue airmen (Para-Jumper).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>It’s early when Tony woke up. He had had a hard time falling asleep the night before, he laid awake for hours not sleeping and listening to Bucky not sleep either. He knew the other man was still awake when he had finally drifted off. He looked over to the other bed and found it empty. He was unsurprised as he knew Bucky was an early riser. A quick glance at the bathroom showed him that that room was empty too. Tony glanced at the time and assumed that the two super soldiers, and maybe even Sam, had gone out for a run. Tony really didn’t understand the enjoyment they got out of it, but it could also have something to do with the huge metal device embedded in his chest. Tony took another quick shower, packed the few things he had out-it was standard practice for all of them to have go bags on the jet- and went to find something to eat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The motel offered a small continental breakfast. Tony got coffee, a bagel and some mixed fruit. He found a table in the corner of the room and sat down to eat. It wasn’t long before he sensed someone coming his way, and  looked up. Thor and Clint were both walking towards him, each carrying breakfast. They moved the table next to Tony’s closer and sat down.</p>
<p>            “Hey man,” Clint greeted as he slid into the chair across from him. “How was the carnival last night? Neither of you have ever been to one, right? Did you like it?”</p>
<p>            “It was quite interesting.” Thor said as he took a huge bite out of one of the several doughnuts on his plate. He chewed and swallowed before he went on. “I enjoyed seeing the competitors eat the pies. It was quite the contest. We have contests like that on Asgard. It was like being back home.”</p>
<p>Clint nodded before turning back to Tony. “I know it was your first time too. Did you like it?”</p>
<p>Tony shrugged, not meeting either man’s eyes. He took another bite of his breakfast before he said nonchalantly, “It was fine. A lot of junk, both stuff and food, but people seemed to have a good time. I guess that’s what matters. I can’t really see myself going back to one in a hurry though.”</p>
<p>            “Where did you go last night, Tony?” Thor asked suddenly. “Our Captain found me pretty quickly, I hadn’t realized my phone was dead. But we could not find you.”</p>
<p>            “Like I said, I got a work call. I moved off to the side where I was out of the way of people and it was a bit quieter while I tried to deal with it.” He shrugged. “I don’t know why you couldn’t find me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            They ate quietly for several long minutes. Tony knew they didn’t believe him, but he wasn’t sure what he could do to convince them. He didn’t know if he believed Maggie, but he wasn’t willing to take the chance until he had had some time to think. All three of them looked up when Natasha strolled up to the table. She was holding a cup of coffee and some granola and yogurt. Sam, Bucky and Steve were at the counter gathering their own breakfasts.</p>
<p>            “Bruce not coming?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>Nat shook her head. “He had breakfast earlier. He grabbed a bagel on his way back to the station. He wanted to make sure they had all the information they might need if they have some trouble with the acid. It was something about farmland and the water supply.”</p>
<p>Tony just nodded. That had been a concern of his as well, but this was Bruce’s specialty, not his. He knew the other scientist could handle it. Should anything go wrong, he was just a phone call away. As the three other men came closer, he got a glimpse of the looks on their faces. It was concern. Tony drained his coffee and stood up just as they got to the table.</p>
<p>            “Do you have your stuff, Bucky?” Tony asked.</p>
<p>Bucky looked him over before he nodded. “We stowed our gear in the Quinjet before we went on our run.”</p>
<p>            “Okay. I will check us out of our room and meet you all on the jet. I checked the weather report. We should be able to land at the compound. It might be a slightly rough landing, but the Quinjet can handle it.” Tony looked at Clint. “You’re our pilot. Are we good to fly?”</p>
<p>Clint nodded as he said easily, “Yeah. The jet can handle it and so can I. I’ve flown in worse conditions than this.”</p>
<p>            “Tony,” Steve cut in and Tony paused as he was reaching for his bag at his feet. “Did you eat?”</p>
<p>Tony pointedly looked at his plate and mug, then back at Steve, with an eyebrow raised. Steve opened his mouth, but Bucky placed a light hand on his shoulder. He nodded slightly. “Okay. We’ll see you in an hour or so. I’ll call you when we know how long Bruce will be.”</p>
<p>Tony tried to not look like he was fleeing as he left the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Twenty minutes later Tony was reclined in one of the seats on the jet. He wasn’t looking forward to the return home. He could always use the armor to fly home, but he would have to have a good reason to do so and he didn’t. He knew Steve, and Bucky, well enough to know that they would check with Pepper about what kind of emergency would call him home during the tail end of a snowstorm in the armor. It couldn’t really hold up against that kind of cold. He could do it if he had to, he’d fought in colder places, but with his reactor, it wasn’t worth the risk if it wasn’t an emergency.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            That’s the kind of information that he didn’t necessarily hide, but he tended to avoid people afterward if he could. It often took his body temperature days to regulate again. Having a hunk of metal lodged in your chest made any weather extreme hard to deal with. Though now, after the revelation that most, if not all, of the team thought the reactor just sat on his skin explained a lot of their behavior. He knew Bruce knew differently, but the physicists wouldn’t have said anything to the others unless Tony’s life was in danger and he felt like there was no other choice. He might not be “that kind of doctor” but he took what he learned from medical tests and scans seriously. He leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. He just knew he would be fielding questions about that too during the ride home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony turned his attention to the more pressing problem. Those “predictions”. He didn’t know what to think. It was a grim future for him if it was true. There was no question about him letting Bucky die, though, not if he could prevent it. He didn’t know if he could believe it, which meant he couldn’t risk it and tell the team about it. The name of this particular game was risk management and Tony was good at it. Losing the team was his worst nightmare, potentially coming to life. It left him cold just thinking about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had to admit that Maggie had a point. Several years ago he would have called bull on Demi-gods from space and time travel, yet Thor, Steve and Bucky were proof. So, he couldn’t, in good conscience, dismiss what she said as a bunch of crap. Tony was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Bruce’s voice, followed by Steve’s and he wasn’t sure how much time exactly had passed, but he’d guess about an hour. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but he knew his solitude and peace were over. At least until they got home. Unfortunately for him, he still wasn’t any closer to knowing what he would say to them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            He looked up when the first of his teammates entered the jet. He offered Clint a small smile and got a pat on the shoulder in return as Clint walked past, going to the cockpit. He heard him starting the preflight checklist. Tony assumed that Nat was helping him, as was their normal routine. Next on was Sam and he settled into the seat across from Tony. Sam smiled and asked him how he was doing. Tony had taken a hard hit yesterday and Sam didn’t seem to think he was just walking away from it. As a former PJ, Sam made sure he stayed up to date on his Paramedic training and often acted as the team medic, with assistance from Bruce. Tony found out he took that responsibility very seriously. He couldn’t seem to make the other man understand that he was fine. He was a bit bruised on his left side, but nothing that was going to keep him from doing anything. It was part of being a superhero. As another baseline human, Tony had assumed he’d understand it and that he would know that you don’t let it slow you down. Tony sometimes wondered if Sam didn’t seem to expect that from him because he wasn’t military. He sure seemed to expect Rhodey to just suck it up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Rhodey had been injured pretty severely the last time he had been called out with them. A laser had pierced the armor, slicing through skin and bone like tissue. Rhodey had gone down hard. Sam had appeared at his side before Tony could get to him. Thankfully, it was at the end of the battle and Tony could stay with his friend. James Rhodes was one of the toughest men Tony knew, but by the end, he was screaming in pain. Tony had demanded to know why Sam wasn’t giving him something more for the pain. Tony would never forget the look in Sam’s eyes when he looked up at him. Rhodey’s blood was covering his hands, wrists and half of his forearms, his fingers in Rhodey’s leg. </p>
<p>His voice was detached when he said, “Screaming means breathing. Breathing means alive. My job is to keep him that way. It’s not to make him comfortable. So, he’s just going to have to scream through it.” Sam had caught up to him later and explained that he hated that part, but he knew that to save a life, sometimes that means causing pain. Tony assured him he understood, but that it was just hard to see his brother like that. Sam told him it wasn’t easy for him either, knowing that his patients were in pain and that there was only so much he could do to relieve that. Tony shook that thought off, coming back to the present, only to find the rest of the team on the jet, watching him. Tony fought not to roll his eyes at them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “Can I help you?” He asked mildly.</p>
<p>            “Tony, are you okay?” Bruce asked.</p>
<p>            “I’m fine. Why doesn’t anyone believe me?”</p>
<p>Bucky shot him an unimpressed look and said, “Maybe ‘cause you aren’t acting like yourself?”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”</p>
<p>            “Come on Tony.” Steve said, sounding a bit angry now. “You aren’t a stupid man, but neither are we. We know you. We know how you react to things. You’re not acting like you.”</p>
<p>Tony started to reply when Thor cut him off. “We do not know what is bothering you. We just know something is. We want to help. We cannot understand why you will not let us.”</p>
<p>            “Guys, I appreciate the concern, I do. But there is nothing to worry about.” Tony offered a smile, before he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. He could feel the other’s eyes on him, but he refused to open his eyes back up to look at them. Finally, the rest of the team settled into the flight and started their own conversations. Tony consciously tried to relax his tense shoulder muscles, knowing that that was giving him away. He was startled when Bucky whispered right by his ear. “I know what you’re doing. Whatever is going on, you don’t have to do it alone. Let us in.” Tony’s eyes snapped open to see him settling into the chair beside him. Bucky raised his eyebrows at him when Tony met his eye. Tony deliberately settled back in his chair and closed his eyes again. Tony lasted for about twenty minutes pretending to sleep, before he gave up the ruse that he knew no one was falling for anyway, and dug out his phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “Before you get drawn into work, can I ask you a question?” Steve asked.</p>
<p>Tony looked up, completely fed up with the questions about what’s wrong. Something must have shown on his face because Steve held up his hands.</p>
<p>            “Not about that. I want to know what you were talking about with the reactor. Can we talk about that?”</p>
<p>Tony sighed, then shoved his phone back in his pocket. “I honestly thought you knew. I thought SHIELD knew. I figured they would have gotten to the military doctors.”</p>
<p>Bruce leaned forward in his chair, eyebrows furrowed. “What about the reactor?”</p>
<p>            “It seems,” Tony said slowly, considering his words carefully. “That the rest of the team seems to think that it sits on my skin. Bucky and Steve seemed surprised to learn that it is embedded in my chest cavity.”</p>
<p>Bruce’s eyes widened as he looked at Tony, then the rest of the team. Thor looked deeply disturbed, even though Tony wasn’t sure if that was in reaction to the other’s reactions or if he understood the ramifications of something residing in your chest cavity. He knew Asgardian medicine was a combination of magic and science, so he wasn’t sure if that would be a problem for them. Sam looked shocked, then dismayed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There is no way you have all your lung capacity, or all of your ribcage or your sternum.” Sam said quietly, staring at Tony intently. “What about other organs? Your stomach is right there too. Is your heart even in the right place anymore?”</p>
<p>Tony fought to keep his face impassive, but something must have come through because Bucky reached out and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. Tony shot him a look but didn’t shake him off. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.</p>
<p>            “You’re right. I only have about seventy percent of my lungs, total. My heart was moved. Most of my sternum is gone. Several ribs are gone too and some of the ones I have scrape the housing. I lost several feet of intestines and part of my stomach. I have extensive nerve damage and am in constant pain from it. Honestly, doctors aren’t sure how I survived the original operation or how I continue to live with it. It’s why I’m so strict about illnesses. I get pneumonia… Well, let’s just say it’s not good and leave it like that. But I’m okay. I’ve learned to live with it and JARVIS monitors me almost all the time.”</p>
<p>            “Tony,” Steve breathed, eyes wide with horror. “I had no idea. How did I have no idea?”</p>
<p>            “We didn’t know either, Cap,” Clint said grimly, motioning to a stone-faced Natasha.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bucky’s hand tightened slightly, and his thumb started rubbing lightly over his collarbone. Tony looked at him, and his eyes were dark and far away.</p>
<p>            “Frosty?” He asked quietly.</p>
<p>Bucky seemed to shake himself free of his own horrific, unwanted body modification. When he spoke his voice was cold.</p>
<p>            “Are there any of them left for me to kill?”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “Nope. I got them all.”</p>
<p>            “I know you, ya didn’t make ‘em suffer nearly enough.”</p>
<p>            “Bucky!” Steve exclaimed with a dark look.</p>
<p>Bucky returned it with one of his own. “Ya honestly tellin’ me, Punk, ya don’t want a little payback?” Steve didn’t answer, and Bucky smirked. “That’s what I thought.”</p>
<p>            “I, too, would have liked to extract some retribution for our injured friend.” Thor said lowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony let out a huff. “Guys, it’s okay. I’ve learned to deal with it. I’ve learned how to live with it. None of you suspected a thing. This changes nothing. I can still do my job and do it well.”</p>
<p>            “That was never in question,” Steve said quickly.</p>
<p>Tony looked to Sam, who had been completely silent since his original observation. Just like the others he had a dark look on his face, but his eyes were accessing. “Now that I know it’s there, I can see signs.”</p>
<p>            “Signs of what?”</p>
<p>Sam leaned toward Tony. “Signs that you’re in pain. When it’s particularly bad, you subconsciously hunch your shoulders slightly, but when you realize you are doing it, you pull them straight again. I’ve seen you lightly rub around the reactor. That must be terrible in the winter or in extreme heat. How do you regulate your body temperature?”</p>
<p>            “It’s hard once I’m cold, but it can be done. A lot of blankets, warm foods, some heating pads as long as I’m careful not to put them on the reactor.” Tony shrugged.</p>
<p>They fell into an uncomfortable silence, no one quite sure what to say. Finally, Sam struck up a conversation with Steve and Thor about baseball and the tense atmosphere finally dissipated. Tony felt himself relax back in his seat again, just glad that the conversation seemed to be over. He looked over at Bucky and smiled at him, trying to reassure him that he was okay. He figured out of all of them, Bucky would understand what it’s like.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After almost an hour of just enjoying his friend’s company, Tony pulled out his phone and throughout the rest of the flight got some work done on projects he had stewing in the back of his mind since last night. He was a man of science, he didn’t want to believe in the hand wavy magic, but on the off chance it was true, he wanted to be prepared. He quietly instructed JARVIS to store this on his private servers. He didn’t want anyone to see this list. If anyone did, he would have a hard time explaining what was going on. When the jet finally touched down at the compound (Clint was right, the end of the flight was rather choppy), Tony was the first one off the jet. He headed straight for the lab. Once he got there, he put it in blackout mode. He had work to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony leaned back in his rolling chair, stretching out his back. He had been hunched over the bench for hours. He picked up his coffee mug to take another sip of coffee only to find it empty. With a sigh Tony stood up to go fill his mug. Tony stood by the sink, sipping his latest cup of coffee and thought about the last two months. They had been called out four more times since the pink blob incident. The team had watched him very closely the first two weeks they were home, each telling him repeatedly that he could talk to them if he needed to, but as the weeks passed and Tony relaxed, the team did as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            As none of Maggie’s predictions had happened Tony allowed himself to relax. He told himself that he had been taken by a con artist and left it at that. He fished around in the cupboards and found a protein bar. He got a bottle of water from the fridge and went back to work. He finalized the work that he was doing for SI and sent it off to his R&amp;D department. Then he pulled up the schematics for two of his latest personal projects he was working on. The Starkwatch was almost complete and the flaming arrowhead for Clint just needed some finishing touches before he would turn it over to the archer for product testing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            After the last battle Clint had come to him and asked him if he thought a flaming arrow would be possible. It could have helped on their last mission so Tony told him he would see what he could do. Once he was done, he’d send Clint out to the training field outside and get him to test it. There were enough safety precautions that he should be fine testing it outside. But first, he had to finish it. Tony settled back into his rolling chair, moved his Starkwatch prototype out of the way, the software Tony had spent a solid 4 days designing was downloading and got back to work. Over the next hour, as he was trying to finish up, Dummy came to him several times with his tennis ball. Tony told him each time that as soon as he got the arrowhead finished, he would throw it for him. The last time Tony sent him away with a curt “Go pick up the mess you made. I’m not done yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            He was slotting the last of the casing on the outside of the arrowhead when suddenly Dummy ran into his left shoulder. Tony fumbled the small arrowhead. He couldn’t get his grip back on it and it hit the tabletop. On impact, it burst into flames. Tony swore softly as he pushed back from the table, forcing Dummy back as well. He stared in dismay as the flames consumed his watch. Tony hurried to get the fire extinguisher, knowing that it would be too late. He was right. When he finally got the flames put out, all that was left was a hunk of charred metal and melted plastic that was buried under fire extinguisher foam. He sunk down in his chair, leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. His forehead was close enough to the charred table that he could feel the heat. Dummy rolled up beside him and gave an inquisitive beep. Tony leveled an exasperated look at him.</p>
<p>            “That,” he announced, gesturing to his ruined projects and table. “Was your fault.”</p>
<p>Dummy beeped at him as he lowered his claw.</p>
<p>            “Yes, yours. Go to your charging station. It’s officially your bedtime.” Tony said sternly, even as he ran a gentle hand over Dummy’s touch sensor strip.</p>
<p>Dummy let out a low, sad beep as he started rolling over to the far side of the lab. Tony let out a sigh and shook his head. As frustrated as he was, he couldn’t help the fondness that welled up inside of him. He wasn’t truly mad at Dummy, but he did set him back by over 24 hours. He sighed again. “Well, J. We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”</p>
<p>            “That we do, Sir.”</p>
<p>            “Give me something with a good beat J and start my coffee maker again. I’m going to need it.”</p>
<p>            “At some point you should consider getting some food as well Sir. It’s been ten hours since you have eaten anything with any substance.”</p>
<p>Tony just waved him off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With music once again pounding through the lab, Tony got back to work. He worked for a solid five hours, until JARVIS shut off his music and informed him that he wouldn’t play anymore music until he had eaten something of sustenance. Tony glared at one of the cameras, before letting out a sigh. He nodded, finally noticing how much his stomach was growling. He rummaged through the freezer, looking for some soup to heat up. Once he found a container, that held about a bowl and a half, of Steve’s Ma’s Irish Stew. Apparently, it was something of a treat growing up and something he still makes on occasion. He now adds more vegetables than his Ma could when he was a child, but even Bucky had said on more than one occasion that Sara Rogers would be more than impressed with it. </p>
<p>The last time he had made some, Steve had put several containers aside. When he had been asked about them, the team was told that he was putting them in Tony’s freezer and that he was to eat them instead of eating a protein bar. After that, Bucky had added several containers of some of the casseroles he made and Bruce his own soup. Even Sam had slid in a container or two of a rice dish he made. Finally, when Tony had given in and asked, the airman had simply said “You make our gear, let us live here and pay for most, if not all of our expenses. The very least we can do it make sure you have food to heat up while you are working.” After that, it became pretty common for whomever was cooking to check with JARVIS to find out if Tony’s stock of freezer meals needed topped off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Tony had just sat down on the sofa, bowl of hot soup cradled in his hands when he froze. His eyes shot over to the scorched table. Maggie’s voice drifted through his mind.</p>
<p>            “You are working on something… An arrow. There is an explosion. There is a fire. You are upset it burns a… Watch? You lose both.”</p>
<p>Tony’s hands start to shake, and he quickly puts the bowl down before he dropped it. He leaned forward, stomach rolling, chest heaving. He tried to steady his breathing, knowing if he passed out because he hyperventilates that JARVIS will call whoever is around. And he would have no way of explaining this.</p>
<p>            “Sir, are you okay? Do you need me to call someone? Colonel Rhodes, perhaps?” JARVIS asked.</p>
<p>Tony waved a trembling hand. “Don’t you dare call Rhodey. I’m fine. I’m fine.”</p>
<p>            “Your vital signs are telling a different story.”</p>
<p>Tony let out a laugh that was empty.</p>
<p>            “Sir,”</p>
<p>            “J, don’t. Just give me a minute to calm down. It’ll be fine. Just, I just need a minute. Okay?” Tony said dully.</p>
<p>JARVIS was silent. Tony leaned back against the cushions at his back and forced himself to calm his breathing down. When he felt steadier, Tony sat up. He cast a longing look at Steve’s stew, but he knew he would never be able to keep it down. Who knew you could be that hungry and that nauseous at the same time?</p>
<p>            “Two months ago, remember when we fought the pink blobs and when we came back the team was… concerned for me?”</p>
<p>            “I do remember that.”</p>
<p>            “Steve, Thor, Bucky and I went to a carnival. They convinced me to join them. Anyway, when we were looking for Thor a… great science, I can’t believe I’m even saying this… a psychic stopped me. She dropped something and I picked it up for her. Our fingers brushed. She got this far away look in her eyes and then predicted our stock increase. Exactly. I brushed it and her off and continued walking. That’s when you messaged me about the increase. I looked back and she was watching me with these knowing eyes.” </p>
<p>Tony scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Long story short she told me that what just happened over there with the arrow and the watch would happen. She shouldn’t have even known about the watch. Only we do. Then she said I would be run into by some stranger on the street. Then she told me about the contract Pepper and I are working on with that business in Africa. How would she know about that?” Tony paused, then pushed himself up to pace.</p>
<p>            “What else, Sir?”</p>
<p>Tony looked at the closest camera. “She said I will have a choice. That there will be a… situation. She couldn’t give me many details on it. Where I have to opportunity to save Bucky’s life, but in doing so, I will die. If I do nothing, I will live, but he will die.”</p>
<p>There was silence in the shop for several long moments before JARVIS said, “I see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Tony stalked to the cabinet where he used to keep his alcohol. He hadn’t wanted a drink this bad in over a year. He was thankful that he had gotten rid of all his-very expensive-bottles when he decided to quit drinking. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to resist tonight.</p>
<p>            “I told myself that it wasn’t real. That there was no way she could be right. JARVIS, she is.” Tony sagged. “There is no way I can let Bucky die. I can’t. Steve wouldn’t survive it and Bucky… He just got free. He doesn’t deserve this.”</p>
<p>            “You don’t either, Sir.”</p>
<p>Tony waved that away. “That’s not all, J. She said if I told anyone else that everyone on the team would die. That they would all try to save us both. That if I told them, it would condemn us all. For the first time, in a very long time, I have absolutely no idea how to fix this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Tony sank back down on the sofa, completely spent. He was hoping that JARVIS didn’t count in the “tell anybody” clause. He would have really liked to get Rhodey’s opinion on this, or Pepper. On second thought, he wouldn’t tell Pepper even if he wasn’t worried about who he could tell. He would never worry her like that. He felt a flash of guilt for even wishing he could talk to Rhodey about it. There is no reason anyone but him should have to suffer with this knowledge. He ground the heels of his palms into his eyes, seeing stars.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sir,”</p>
<p>            “Not now J. Please, just not now.” Tony collapsed back against the back of the sofa again, this time going completely boneless. He stayed that way for quite a while, thoughts chasing each other in circles in his mind. After almost a half hour of just sitting there, he pushed himself up and slapped his palms against his thighs.</p>
<p>            “No point in wallowing. I have stuff to do and I don’t know how much time I have to do it in. Good part, there should be two more situations before the end. So, I should have some time. I don’t know how much, but some. I can work with some.”</p>
<p>            “Sir, I really think you should get some sleep before you start working again. You’ve been awake far too long. Sleep and maybe some food when you wake up would be the most prudent course of action now.”</p>
<p>Tony paused and looked at his table. Both projects were almost complete, having done them once before really sped up his production time. “Yeah, you’re right J. I need some sleep and a shower.”</p>
<p>            “Food as well, Sir,”</p>
<p>Tony let out a little laugh. “Yes, food as well. When I wake up. Alright J. Put it to bed. And thanks buddy.”</p>
<p>            “You are most welcome Sir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Tony slept for almost ten hours. When he woke up he was ready to get started. Over a breakfast of toaster waffles, chocolate hazelnut spread and fresh fruit, he constructed a list on his phone of what he needs to do. The most pressing, at the moment, are the meetings he has next week with businesses in Japan, France, Australia and Spain. If he can convince them that partnership with SI is mutually beneficial for both parties the SI should be fairly secure for the next decade or so. The businesses he wants to partner with are all fledglings in the Green Energy business. Added bonus, it should be good for the world. He has more than two dozen upgrades and product ideas in mind, all that will entail is getting the ideas down for the upgrades and prototypes for the inventions. His R&amp;D department should be able to fabricate and build upon what he will invent. Giving this to Pepper, it will ensure SI will be at the top for several years to come. Even if someone can come close to what he designs, it should still be cutting edge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Tony sent his PA an email letting her know that he wants to push up his meetings and asks her to make that happen. When he is finished with his breakfast, he cleans up the slight mess he made, then leaves the kitchen with his first mug of coffee, all without seeing anyone else. When he got to his shop he decided that he needed to upgrade his teammates gear and weapons. No one in the world is as good as he is. He knows that. So, they are top priority too. As soon as he gets back from his business trip, which he will hopefully be able to push up to this week, he’ll start on that. Just as he was entering the workshop JARVIS announced that his PA had gotten back to him. He had JARVIS pull up the email, confirming the first two meetings had been moved forward to two days from then. Tony turned and headed to his room to pack. He pulled out half a dozen Tom Ford suits before finally deciding on four. He would have the suits laundered between wears if he had to. He gathered ten silk shirts, mostly white, but a few in colors and coordinating ties. The underclothes were easy, as were his sleepwear. He packed two pairs of jeans and one pair of sweatpants. He shoved sneakers, and one pair of dress shoes in his suitcase. He packed his perpetually packed toiletries case. He sent off a quick text to his pilot to let him know he wanted to leave in two hours. He took his suitcase with him as he went to the shop. He would leave straight from there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony rolled up his sleeves and set about finishing both the arrowhead and the watch. By the time JARVIS informed him it was time for him to leave, Tony had finished both projects. He instructed JARVIS to fabricate two dozen more arrowheads, then asked him to let Clint know when they were done so he would field test them. Tony gathered his suitcase and left the lab, JARVIS shutting it down behind him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry about the tenses. My beta and I both tried to catch all of them, but that isn’t either of our strong suits. I hope you enjoyed anyway!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony was sitting in his hotel in Australia. He had just finished the last of his meetings there and he would leave for Japan in the morning. France, Spain and now Australia were behind him. Thankfully, the meetings had gone his way for the most part. He had had to make a few concessions with some of the business he met with in France, but for the most part he was completely happy with the way it went. So was Pepper. She had teleconferenced on a few of the meetings and she was incredibly happy.</p>
<p>            Tony ran his hand over his face tiredly as he thought about the last conversation he had had with her. She had demanded to know why he was doing all of this so suddenly. These deals were something they had talked about attempting over the next year, not all at once. Tony hadn’t been able to give her the answers she wanted. He knew she was thinking about when he had been dying and that she was frightened for him, but there was nothing he could do. When they had hung up he knew she was a little frustrated with him. Tony turned his attention to the laptop open on the coffee table in front of him. Opened on it were several programs of his own making.</p>
<p>            Tony made a few quick adjustments to the most recent update to the Starkphone four generations from the current one on the market. He had already been working on the one to be released next. He knew as the market changed his R&amp;D department might have to alter the physical design of the phones, but he didn’t think they would. He was taking them in the direction he was confident personal technology was going. He also started work on a less advanced and therefore less expensive option for people who didn’t want all the bells and whistles. After saving his progress he shut down his computer so he could get some sleep before his early morning flight.</p>
<p>            Tony couldn’t help the relieved smile that crossed his face when he walked into the entrance of the compound. Happy had picked him up from the airport and dropped him off  before making the trip back into the city. He was going to meet Pepper, in person, to talk about their plans to move forward in the middle of next week. For now, he was just glad to be home. He was anxious to see his friends again. This prediction was really messing with his mind. He left his suitcase by the hall that would take him to his room, then continued on to the common area. He could hear both super soldier’s voices. Tony rounded the final corner and the living room and kitchen came into view. He found them in the kitchen. Bucky was cutting something, and Steve was leaning against the counter by the sink, watching him.</p>
<p>            “I still say the best fruit are plums,” Bucky insisted.<br/>Steve shook his head. “Not a chance Buck. Have you tried a modern watermelon? They are so much better these days.”<br/>            “Nope, punk. You’re wrong. Plums have always been the best and always will be the best.” Bucky said, as he cut another plum.<br/>            “You’re both wrong. Blueberries are by far the best fruit.” Tony announced as he strolled over.<br/>Steve and Bucky both looked up and smiled at Tony.<br/>            “Hey, Tones. When did you get back?” Steve asked as he pulled Tony to him in a quick hug.<br/>Tony patted him on the back twice before pulling away. “Just now actually. I came straight here from the airport. Pep and I will meet next week.”<br/>Bucky nodded as he gave him his own quick hug.</p>
<p>            Steve settled back into his place by the sink and asked “How would you know what the best fruit is Tony? You don’t even eat any.”<br/>            “Yes, I do. Every third Thursday is my piece of fruit day,” Tony shot back with a smile.<br/>Bucky stops cutting the plums, looks up at Tony then points the tip of the large knife at him and says sternly. “I hope you aren’t serious. Tony, as you get older fruit consumption becomes more important. You really-“<br/>            “Last I checked you were born five decades before me, maybe you want to watch who you’re calling old.” Tony said, raising an eyebrow.<br/>            “I’m not calling you old!” Bucky said, tossing down the knife. “You need to take better care of yourself than that! You-“<br/>            “Bucky,” Steve cuts into his rant, holding up his hands placatingly. “Tony eats fruit all the time. He drinks smoothies with fruit and protein and even some vegetables every day. I was messing with him. And he was playing along. Heck, you’ve seen the smoothies he makes.”<br/>Bucky grins wickedly at them both before going back to his fruit cutting. Tony stared wide eyed between the two other men before bursting out laughing. “He got us both.”</p>
<p>Steve shook his head and smiled. “It’s good to have you back Tony. It’s not the same around here when you’re gone.”<br/>Tony laughed lightly. “It’s not like you guys see me all the time when I’m here.”<br/>“The punk’s right.” Bucky said as he tossed the plums in a bowl. “It’s different around here when you’re gone.”<br/>Tony shook his head and said lightly “Well, it’s good to know I’m missed.”<br/>Both men shot him unimpressed looks.<br/>            “Of course, you’re missed. Don’t be a punk,” Bucky said, scowling at him.<br/>Tony held up his hands. “Sorry.”<br/>            “I’m making fruit salad. If I add your blueberries will you stay and eat some with us, before you disappear again?” Bucky asked, going back to his cutting. “I’ll even put some watermelon in it for you, Steve.”<br/>            “Yeah, I’ll stay. I need to decompress for a few hours. That was a lot of traveling, but I do need to get some time in the shop tonight.” Tony settled into a chair on the opposite side of the island Bucky was at. After a moment Steve joined him.</p>
<p>            “Can we help?” Steve asked.<br/>Bucky looked at the two of them and told them to wash their hands, muttering heathens under his breath and gathered supplies for them to help him cut up the rest of the fruit. By the time they were done they had watermelon, cantaloupe, mango, kiwi, plums, blueberries, maraschino cherries and tangerines in the huge bowl. Bucky dished them out each a generous bowl, then scooped some of the fruit into smaller plastic containers, which he stacked on the side of the island closest to the door.<br/>            “You will take those with you to the workshop and you will eat them.” Bucky instructed Tony, once again, pointing a knife at him.<br/>Tony looked at Steve and said lightly “I feel threatened.”<br/>Steve laughed as he popped a piece of watermelon in his mouth. After he swallowed it he looked at Bucky and said “You know, you have been pointing a knife at Tony a lot today. Is this something I need to be worried about?”<br/>            “If it was something you needed to worry about, I’d be making sure you didn’t see anything to worry about.” Bucky said, as he ate his own fruit.<br/>Tony just shook his head as he dug into his own bowl. As they ate, the two super soldiers caught him up on the goings-on of the compound the past week and a half. They asked him how his trip had gone, and Tony gave them a very basic rundown of what he had done. He was completely truthful when he said most of it was very boring.</p>
<p>            “Honestly, Pepper usually handles this most of the time now, but there is something about dealing with The Tony Stark that people seem to like. For a little while anyway. Then the ones who don’t know me yet realize that my boardroom persona is very different from my public persona or even my Iron Man persona. Then they aren’t too thrilled to be dealing with me.”<br/>            “Why is that?” Bucky asked.<br/>Tony paused and thought for a minute. “When I inherited SI it was a national multi-million dollar company. I built it into an international multi-billion dollar company. People don’t seem to realize that I am both an honest businessman and a ruthless one. I look out for and care about my people, but in a boardroom, I am ruthless.” Tony paused and tapped out a rhythm on the countertop. “I don’t deal in backroom deals. What I do with SI is above board, I always have been. That’s why, even though in some respects doing business with me can be risky, people still want to. Stane however… I should have been paying more attention.” Tony shook his head.<br/>“That’s how I built SI into what it is. Pepper is the exact same way, which is why I turned the company over to her. She is even better at being a CEO than I was. People don’t seem to realize that I was groomed for this, both the engineering and the business aspects. Granted my intellect helped in both, but even if I had been average or even above average like my father, the same expectations would have been placed on me.”<br/>            “Really?” Bucky asked.<br/>            “Yeah. I’ve been in the spotlight since before I was born. I’ve known the path that I was expected to take since I was conceived since I was able to comprehend what Howard was saying. So, since like two.” Tony shrugged. “I was never consulted on what I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was immaterial. I was going to run SI and make weapons and that was that. I never enjoyed making weapons the way Howard did. He saw it as patriotic, and I’m not saying it wasn’t-isn’t- but I was thirteen when one of my bombs was used. My hands have been soaked in blood since. They call me the Merchant of Death and I can’t say they are wrong. For a long time, I bought and dealt in death.” <br/>Tony sighed heavily. “I went a little wild in college, I got worse after they died, Rhodey did what he could to keep me on the straight and narrow, but Stane was pushing me into the wrong crowd. I can see it now for what it was, had I been more focused on the company and my education, he never would have gotten away with the double dealing, but I was lost for a long time. Barely functioning…” Tony trailed off, lost in thoughts of his past that he was less than proud of.</p>
<p>            Tony came back to the present when a set of fingers snapped right in front of his nose. He blinked several times to refocus on the here and now. He followed the metal fingers, up a metal arm to see two sets of concerned blue eyes looking at him.<br/>            “Ya back with us, Tiny?” Bucky asked.<br/>Tony shook his head, still caught somewhere between the past and the present. When what Bucky said finally filtered through, Tony scowled up at the taller man.<br/>            “Just because you are huge,” Tony said, pointing first at Bucky, then Steve. “That does not make me tiny. I am an average sized adult male, thank you very much.”<br/>Bucky’s laugh was deep and rich. “Look Stevie, he’s like an offended, angry kitten. All puffed up and hissing.”<br/>Steve started laughing at that too, which caused Tony to splutter more, which only increased their laughter.</p>
<p>            By the time they finally stopped laughing Tony was amused himself but determined not to show it. He didn’t want that nickname to stick around. Bucky reached out, aiming for Tony’s head. Tony wasn’t sure exactly what Bucky intended to do, so he reached out and lightly slapped his hand. Bucky pulled his hand back, still chuckling lightly. Under the power of their combined stare Tony finally cracked and let a small, amused smile spread across his face. He ate the last several bites of his fruit, then pushed his chair away from the island.      <br/>            “Well, as much fun as this has been,” Tony said, with a playful glare. “I do have some work I have to get done and I would like to sleep in my own bed tonight. So, I should go get to work.”<br/>Bucky suddenly looked worried. “I didn’t upset ya, did I?”<br/>Tony smiled and shook his head. “Not at all. If I want to give everyone in my life a nickname, or two, I need to be okay with those people giving me ones too. I really don’t mind, Buck.”<br/>Bucky studied him for a moment, before the tense set line of his shoulders relaxed. He offered a smile. “Don’t forget your fruit.”<br/>Tony picked them up on his way out.</p>
<p>            After a quick detour to take his suitcase to his suite, he entered the workshop. He called out a greeting to the bots then settled in at his table.<br/>            “Lets pull up what I was working on before J. I want to get several more generations out. I’m not letting Bucky die, so let’s get our company as set up as we can.”<br/>            “As you wish, Sir.”<br/>Tony settled into his rhythm and over the course of the next six hours managed to get designs down for several more generations of both his phone and tablet, building on what he had started to create while he was away.</p>
<p>            As Tony was laying in bed that night, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to happen soon. As he started to hyperventilate, and his chest started getting tight Tony decided that he couldn’t afford to wait any longer. That he had to start getting gear designed for his team. That he had to protect them as much as he could for however long he had left. When he finally managed to calm himself down, with JARVIS’ help, he settled back into bed, determined that he would get started the next day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoy chapter 5. Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dawn was still a few hours away and Tony was in the kitchen having his first cup of coffee. He was thinking about the night he had had. After he calmed himself down he, unsurprisingly, didn’t have a good night’s sleep. He had tossed and turned all night, stuck in the throes of nightmares, the likes of which he hadn’t had in a long time. He was tired and grouchy, and he didn’t have the motivation he needed to work on his projects today. The only thing running through his mind were what would happen to his team once he was gone.</p>
<p>            “Hey Tones.”<br/>Tony looked up to see Sam looking at him with concern.<br/>            “Is everything okay? You look rough man.”<br/>Tony nodded tiredly. “Rough night.” He admitted.<br/>Sam studied him closely before saying slowly, “Steve, Bucky and I are going into the city today to have some lunch. You should come with us. I… You don’t look like you should be alone right now. You look stuck in whatever you were dreaming about last night. Come out with us.”<br/>Tony started to refuse when Steve cut him off.<br/>            “I think that’s a good idea, Tony. You look like you could use some company.”<br/>Tony paused before refusing and realized that they were right. If he spent a lot of time alone right now, he wouldn’t be able to focus enough to get any real work done. He wasn’t ignorant to the way his hands were trembling.<br/>            “I’ll go get in a couple hours of work. What time do you want to leave?”<br/>            “We have reservations for one, so we were planning no later than eleven thirty.” Steve said. “Will that work for you?”<br/>            “Yeah that will be great. I can get a few hours of work in. Thanks for the invite guys. I’ll see you around eleven.” Tony said as he got up, bringing his coffee with him. He got two “see you laters” as he left the room.</p>
<p>            Tony was working on designing a new harness for Steve, one that had magnets that Steve could activate that would respond to the vibranium and pull it back to him when it doesn’t rebound to him. Tony was confident that Steve would be able to catch it as it was coming to him. He thought about putting the magnets in his gloves, but Steve didn’t always wear them. Plus, Steve had commented only a week ago that his harness was getting worn and becoming uncomfortable because the fit wasn’t correct any longer. So, Tony was making him a new one, a better one.</p>
<p>            He had also gotten an email confirmation that the fabric he had developed and had commissioned a textile company to make in bulk for him had delivered his package this morning. He had called his tailor, who had made cloth body armor for him before (he often does work for the rich and famous who need body armor but need to look like they aren’t wearing any) and had set up an appointment to meet with him the next day. He was going to commission new body armor for his team out of the textile created almost a year ago. Even Tony could admit that that stuff was expensive, but it would stop just about anything. Nothing Tony had tried had penetrated it. It was also fireproof up to nine hundred degrees Fahrenheit. It absorbed the force of whatever hit it. It did not have the ability to allow the wearer to use the absorbed energy however. Tony had had to create the tools used to work on it. He would lend them to Marcus as well so he could make the suits. So, since he was going into the city, he would pick it up on their way home.<br/>            “Sir, you should go get ready for your lunch appointment,” JARVIS said. “It is ten thirty.”<br/>Tony looked up from the components of Steve’s harness. “Already?” Tony stretched out his back then stood up. “Okay, J, shut everything down. I’ll be back later this evening.”<br/>Tony ran gentle hands over all his bots on his way out, speaking softly to each of them.</p>
<p>            Tony made quick work of getting ready, taking a quick shower, styling his hair and dressing in nice jeans and a warm cashmere sweater. He made his way down to the common lounge to wait for everyone else. Several minutes after he had sat down, and was answering some emails on his phone, someone entered the room. He looked up to see Bucky walking toward him. The super soldier offered him a smile as he came closer, which Tony returned.<br/>            “I hear you are joining us for lunch.”<br/>            “Yup. That okay with you?”<br/>            “Do you even need to ask that Tiny?” Bucky asked with a wicked grin.<br/>            “It’s only polite Frosty.” Tony shot back, watching the other man carefully.<br/>Bucky just grinned. Just as he was getting ready to answer Steve and Sam came into the room.<br/>            “Tony, Sam and I are stopping at the VA for a therapy session after lunch. Bucky doesn’t want to come; do you guys want to hang out in the city or do you want to take two cars?”<br/>Tony looked at Bucky. “I’ve got some stuff I have to do at the Tower. You want to hang with me while they do group?”<br/>Bucky shrugged easily. “That sounds fine to me. I know the restaurant we are going to, we can easily walk back to the Tower after. Let Steve and Sam have the car. They can pick us up when they are done.”<br/>Tony nodded back. “That sounds good to me. Everything is pretty much the way we left it when we moved to the compound so there is a lot you can do, if you don’t want to hang out in the shop with me.”<br/>            “I’m ain’t worried ‘bout having nothing to do Tiny. Don’t worry your pretty little head over it.”<br/>Tony burst out laughing even as Steve did and Sam started spluttering. Tony snatched a pillow up off the sofa beside him and threw it at Bucky, who caught it easily and tossed it back at him, with far less force than Tony had used. Tony put it back in its place then stood. “Are we ready?”<br/>The four of them set off. They piled into one of the SUVs Tony kept around for the team’s use. They made good time getting into the city, which was good since they got caught up in a traffic jam almost as soon as they were inside city limits. It took them a little over thirty minutes to get to the restaurant because of the traffic. Steve found a parking space three blocks from their lunch spot, so they took it and settled in for a little walk before lunch. By the time they got to the establishment they were only three minutes early.</p>
<p>            When Sam gave their name, they were shown to their table right away. This place was a favorite of Pepper and Tony’s. Tony had recommended it to Steve a while ago.<br/>            “Is this the first time you’ve been here?” Tony asked.<br/>Bucky and Sam both nodded but Steve shook his head.<br/>            “No, shortly after you told me about it, I came the one evening I was in the city.”</p>
<p>            After they got their menus, Tony pointed out the dishes that were exceptionally good. The four men ordered as soon as their waiter came back. In difference to the super soldiers, they ordered several appetizers as well as their entrées. They lingered for over an hour over lunch before Steve and Sam had to leave. As everyone was reaching for their wallets to pay, Tony stopped them.<br/>            “I’ll get this.”<br/>            “No, you won’t,” Bucky said.<br/>            ‘Nope.”<br/>            “Thank you, Tony, but you aren’t buying. We can cover it.” Steve said. “We appreciate the offer though.”<br/>            “Guys, really, I don’t mind.” Tony said.<br/>Bucky shook his head. “We might not have as much money as you, but we can afford to pay for lunch for you.”<br/>            “Let us do this Tony.” Sam cut in. “When is the last time you or SI hasn’t picked up the tab for a meal out? Or ordered?”<br/>Tony thought about it for several long seconds. “I guess the last time was when I went out with Rhodey.”</p>
<p>When the waiter brought the check, they looked it over quickly and Sam and Bucky gave Steve some cash while Steve stuck his card in the check presenter and handed it over to the waiter. Tony wasn’t completely comfortable letting them pay, but it seemed important to them, so he let it go. Rhodey was usually the only one in his life who made an issue of him paying for everything. Outside on the sidewalk they went their separate ways. Sam and Steve to the left, back toward the car while Bucky and Tony went to the right, toward the Tower. It was a twenty block walk, which didn’t bother either of them. They were about half way there and Tony was laughing as Bucky told him a story about when Steve and him were growing up.<br/>“So, this guy was messing with a girl, nothing serious, stupid kid stuff, not saying it was appropriate, but Stevie wasn’t having any of it. So, this scrawny little thing launches himself at this guy, who was not only three years older, but probably a good twenty pounds heavier. When I come around the corner, carrying the fish my Ma had just sent me for, I see Stevie getting his clock cleaned. I don’t think, at all. I hit the guy as hard as I can with the fish.” Bucky said, smirk on his face.<br/>“With the fish?” Tony asked, looking at him with wide eyes, unbelieving. “But wasn’t that-”<br/>Tony cut off as someone slammed into him, knocking him into Bucky, who caught him easily. The other man fell to the ground.</p>
<p>            “Hey!” He snapped. “Why don’t you watch where you are going!”<br/>            “Hey, buddy, you ran into me.” Tony snapped back.<br/>The young man stood up abruptly, moving into Tony’s space. Bucky grabbed Tony by the back of the sweater and pulled him back and to the side, away from the other man and snarled at him.<br/>            “What’s your problem, you human equivalent of a participation award?”<br/>The young man stumbled back away from him quickly, brown eyes wide. “I- I’m sorry.” He held up his hands. “I’m sorry.” He turned and hurried back the way he came.</p>
<p>            “Hey,” Tony said softly, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Calm down Frosty. It’s okay. It was a stupid kid. Nothing to get that worked up about-“<br/>Tony abruptly cut off, realizing what just happened. He tried to school his expression, but he could feel himself blanch and he saw the second Bucky caught it.<br/>            “Tony, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” He demanded, blue eyes worried.<br/>Tony smiled at him, but he could feel how forced it was. Bucky was studying him closely. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”<br/>            “No, I’m not.” Tony straightened his clothes and pulled away slightly. “Let’s just get to the tower, alright?”</p>
<p>            Tony set off at a brisk pace, wanting to get to the tower as soon as he could. The hands he had shoved in his pockets were trembling. He knew this would just make Bucky suspicious and he also knew that Bucky was going to tell Steve. Steve would probably tell the rest of the team out of concern and Tony didn’t know how to head that off. Bucky didn’t say anything until they were in the Tower elevator. He turned to Tony and gently grasped his shoulder.<br/>            “Tony, tell me what’s going on.” Blue eyes bore into Tony and he looked away.<br/>            “Really, Bucky. It’s nothing.”<br/>            “That’s a bunch of der’mo and you know it!” Bucky said.<br/>Tony was surprised at the harsh Russian. Bucky didn’t usually speak the language much anymore and that told him just how upset he was. Tony knew he had to get out in front of this and control it.<br/>            “Bucky, it’s not a big deal.” Tony pulled gently away, hating to lie to him but knowing he had no choice. “It wasn’t anything. He caught me off guard. I promise, everything is fine.”<br/>            “Why are ya lyin’ to me, Tony?” Bucky asked. “I’m as good as a human lie detector, you know that. So why aren’t ya tellin’ me what’s wrong? Is it me? Do ya wanna talk to someone else?”<br/>            “No, I don’t want to talk to someone else,” Tony exclaimed, trying to not be frustrated. “It’s not you. It has nothing to do with you. Can we just… not, please?”<br/>Tony held completely still as the other man studied him closely. He could see the concern in those blue eyes, but he couldn’t do anything to assuage it. Finally, the other man nodded and spoke in a soft, serious voice.<br/>            “I need to know that you know that you can talk to us. Whatever is goin’ on, and don’t doubt for a moment that I don’t know somethin’ is goin’ on with you, you can talk to us. You’re not alone.”<br/>Tony just nodded, not knowing how to respond to that and feeling the guilt growing in him. But he thought of the alternative and his resolve strengthened. Anything to keep his team, his family safe, even if that meant lying to them.</p>
<p>            JARVIS opened the elevator on the shop floor and Tony led the way off. He gestured around the large space.<br/>            “Feel free to wander. JARVIS will tell you if you can’t touch something. Otherwise have fun. Also feel free to head to the gym or the old Avengers floors. The only place I ask you not to wander is the SI floors.”<br/>Bucky smiled at him and settled onto the sofa to watch him work. Tony laughed lightly, then turned his attention to the box outside his shop. He pushed it into the room.<br/>            “You want some help with that, Tiny?” Bucky asked, as he watched Tony try to lift it onto the table.<br/>Tony looked up at him. “That would be great, unless you want to watch me struggle some more.”<br/>Bucky laughed warmly as he stood, crossed the room and easily lifted the box. Tony shot him a disgruntled look.<br/>            “You could have asked.”<br/>Tony just shook his head, then turned back to the box. He used a knife to slice open the tape keeping the flaps closed.<br/>            “Is that all bolts of fabric?” Bucky asked, peering in as well.<br/>Tony pulled out a bolt and laid it on the table, as he pushed the box away. He opened a drawer to get a pair of very bright sliver scissors.<br/>            “That metal isn’t normal,” Bucky stated, as he looked from them to Tony and back.<br/>Tony just smiled at him. “They are my creation, as is the fabric. I had to create tools just to work with this fabric. It’s fire retardant, knives or bullets won’t penetrate it. It’s not impervious to lasers, though. It became too rigid then. It will help to absorb impacts as well. I want to see what I can do with it. I’m thinking of a line of body armor. It’s lighter than anything on the market currently. I’d like to see the military and our first responders use it, but even at cost, it’s still very expensive. I don’t know that I’ll be able to get it cheap enough that they will want to buy it.”</p>
<p>            Tony cut off a small strip, about an inch wide and handed it over to Bucky.<br/>            “Want to play with that? See if you can damage it?” Tony asked. “I haven’t seen how it would hold up to a super soldier yet.”<br/>Bucky chuckled but started trying to tear it apart. Tony watched his face get serious when it didn’t easily tear for him. Tony couldn’t help the smirk when he looked up at him.<br/>            “What, you doubted me?”<br/>The former Winter Soldier pulled out one of his knives and started trying to cut it. Tony watched him for a minute longer, before he put the rest of the bolt back in the box. Tony packed up the tools Marcus would need to work with the fabric in a separate box and stacked that neatly on top. Tony tried to keep his mind busy as he answered emails and periodically watched Bucky try more outrageous ways to destroy the fabric.</p>
<p>            When Steve and Sam came in, Bucky had given up and Tony was sitting with him on the sofa, talking about nothing in particular.<br/>            “Hey guys,” Tony greeted. “How was group?”<br/>            “It went ok.” Sam answered.<br/>            “Are you done here, Tony, or do you need more time?” Steve asked.<br/>Tony shook his head. “I’m done. I just really needed to pick up those boxes. You in the garage?”<br/>Steve nodded. “Want me to take it?”<br/>            “Sure, if you want. It’s awkward to carry though.”<br/>Steve shook his head with a smile. “I’ll manage it easier than you.”</p>
<p>            Tony led the rest of them out the back exit of his shop, ignoring them when they commented about not knowing that was there. It was a quick elevator ride down to the underground garage. Steve loaded the boxes into the back of the SUV. Tony settled in the back with Bucky, telling Sam he could have the front. Instead of pulling out his phone to work, he leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. Tony woke with a jerk when a hand shook his shoulder. He hadn’t intended to fall asleep, just to rest his eyes. He was always more tired after a night of restless sleep than a night of no sleep.<br/>            “Sorry about that,” he mumbled, voice rough.<br/>            “Obviously you needed the sleep. Don’t worry about it.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders. “We didn’t mind.”<br/>Tony asked Bucky if he would mind taking the boxes to his workshop, or if he should go get a hand cart. Bucky told him he didn’t mind dropping them off for him. Tony thanked them all for lunch again, then Steve for carrying the boxes to the car before he disappeared into the building. Now that they were back at the compound, Tony couldn’t help but think about his encounter today. He could feel the panic trying to make an appearance again. He detoured to his room, asking JARVIS to instruct Bucky where to put the boxes. He had planned to just take off the sweater, but completely changing gave him an excuse to stop at his room and hopefully avoid Bucky. Tony waited in his room until JARVIS finally told him Bucky had left. While he was waiting, he filled his AI in on what had happened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony settled in for a long inventing binge. After what happened earlier today, he decided that he had to get working on the gear. He finished off Steve’s harness fairly quickly. He moved onto working on upgrades for Redwing and the Widow Bites. He built on what was there before, thankful that he didn’t have to do much fabrication for either. By the time he was done, Natasha would have several settings she could choose from for a more customized attack. Tony created better cameras for Redwing and made several options that Sam could look through for ammunition capabilities if he wanted that option. He could also increase his speed, if Sam would like. He knew it would never feel like enough, like he wasn’t doing enough for them, but Tony reasoned he had to be as practical about this as he could. He would never trust anyone else with his family, but he was running out of time. Tony stumbled over to the sofa and collapsed down onto it.<br/>            “J” he mumbled. “Wake me in three hours.”</p>
<p>            When he woke up, the first thing he did was make a pot of coffee and drink two mugs. After that he pulled out a container of casserole from the freezer and stuck it in the microwave. While that was heating up, he used the bathroom and splashed water on his face, trying to wake himself up. He ate without tasting anything, exhaustion pulling at him. He had two more cups of coffee, ignoring JARVIS when he dryly informed Tony that that wasn’t going to help his pulse rate. When he was done, he washed out the container then left it near the sink to dry. He wandered over to the back of his workshop. On a cabinet that looked like all the others in the workshop he placed his palm. His palm was scanned, then a light prick on his middle finger took a bit of blood. Then the locks disengaged, and he could open the doors. Inside was a vault that held some of the best weapons of his career. Just because SI no longer produces weapons, doesn’t mean Tony ever stopped.</p>
<p>He pulled out a sniper rifle that had better optics on it than was available anywhere in the world. He pulled out a few handguns and several blades, trying to decide which ones Bucky would like the best. He had JARVIS start production on the sniper rifle. He decided on a serrated blade and a plain edge blade, both made out of the metal Bucky had seen in the Tower. Both were ten inches long. The serrated was a fold out while the plain was a fixed blade. He got JARVIS to start manufacturing one of each of those. He decided that Bucky didn’t need any of the handguns. He put everything back in the cabinet and closed it. Upon his death, JARVIS had orders to destroy that and a few other cabinets. There was some tech he didn’t trust in anybody’s hands. Some stuff he wasn’t sure he should have created in the first place.<br/>“Sir, Captain Rogers would like to speak to you.” JARVIS announced an hour later, as Tony was working on designs for the body armor.<br/>Tony mumbled around the stylist in his mouth as he manipulated one of the images floating in front of him. “Sure, J. Put him through.”<br/>            “Tony, we made some dinner. Pizza casserole, salad, homemade bread and Bucky made chocolate cupcakes with Mocha frosting. Do you have some time to join us? No one has seen you in over two days.”<br/>Tony paused then looked up. “I really can’t Steve. I’ve got a lot of stuff I have to get done. I’ll be out of the compound all day tomorrow and some of this needs done today.”<br/>            “You can’t take a half hour and have dinner?”<br/>            “I really can’t. I’m sorry Steve.”<br/>Steve didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then Tony heard a soft sigh. “Okay. If you don’t have time, you don’t have time. I can bring you some down if you’d like.”<br/>            “That’s okay. I have stuff in the freezer if I get hungry later.” Tony said.<br/>There was another pause. “Okay. I hope you get done what needs done. We miss you Tony.”<br/>            “I miss you guys too. I’ll come up when I can. I got to go Steve.” Tony said then motioned JARVIS to cut the call. He felt bad doing it, but he had too much to do and he was afraid Steve would see through him, or Sam. He wasn’t dealing with the anxiety well. Tony turned his attention back to the holo screen and got back to work.</p>
<p>            When Tony was finally done it was the early hours of the morning. Instead of trying to get some sleep Tony drank more coffee in the workshop, then went to take a shower. After he was done, he sent some emails off, trying to see if he could get Bruce some grants. He asked JARVIS to keep an eye on the responses to that and let him know what they said. If he couldn’t get him grants, he would have to come up with something else for Bruce. Some of the work Bruce was doing currently was unparalleled, so Tony had a hard time believing he would receive them, but on the off chance he was Tony started looking into SI’s finances to see if they couldn’t create a grant program. Then, after a few moment’s consideration, drafted an email and sent it to Pepper to see what she had to say. It could be a good thing to offer up and coming scientists.</p>
<p>            By the time Tony got back to the compound that night he was exhausted. He hated blocking out the team, he missed them, but he felt like this was the best course of action. He managed to get into his suite without anyone seeing him. Being around Marcus drained him on a good day, and he hadn’t had a good day in a long time.  Marcus was good at his job but tiring to deal with. He was very high strung and excitable. He had been with him all day, giving him the measurements for the team and the ideas he had come up with. He had to remind him more than once that the idea wasn’t to be flashy, that they were going for functionality and protection while staying within each team members’ comfort zone for their uniforms. Tony flopped down on his bed, not even bothering to change his clothes and fell asleep where he was plagued with dreams of his team’s deaths.</p>
<p>            It took Tony an additional two and a half weeks to create a comm unit for Thor that would withstand his lightening, upgrades for War Machine, body armor for Pepper (that needed Marcus again, Tony really hoped to not see him again for a while, then thought darkly that it would probably be his last visit) and ten new arrows for Clint. Overall, it had been a productive nineteen days, but Tony, long past tired, was completely exhausted. He was only getting a few hours of sleep every few nights and he knew he had lost some weight. He hadn’t seen his team in fourteen days, and he had taken to keeping the shop on blackout mode all the time. But it was worth it, because Tony finally had all the upgrades for his team. He would give them their upgrades soon.</p>
<p>            “Sir,” JARVIS said suddenly.<br/>            “Mmm-hum” Tony mumbled, face smushed on the sofa cushion.<br/>            “Colonel Rhodes would like entrance to the workshop.”<br/>Tony just mumbled indistinctly at him again.<br/>            “Granting access now.”<br/>Tony sat up abruptly, panicked. “What?”<br/>JARVIS didn’t have time to answer because Rhodey came striding into the room. Tony knew the expression on his face, it meant his platypus wasn’t happy and Tony didn’t have to be a genius to know the person he wasn’t happy with was him. With a sigh, Tony flopped back down onto the sofa, really not feeling like sitting up to deal with this. He hoped absently that if he looked really pathetic maybe he’d go easy on him. The last time he had that look was after tempers had cooled over the whole Palladium Toxicity thing. They had both been indiscernibly remorseful. With Rhodey building his impressive military career and Tony building SI into what it is, they had allowed their friendship to drift and that was something they had promised not to let happen again. But here Tony was, throwing a wrench into that promise. From the look on Rhodey’s face, he knew that was what was happening, and he wasn’t happy about it.</p>
<p>            “Are you going to sit up and look at me Tones,” Rhodey asked. “Or am I going to have to have this conversation with the back of your head?”<br/>Tony stayed where he was for a long moment, but guilt drove him to sit up and face his friend. He watched Rhodey’s eyes go wide when he finally got a good look at him.<br/>            “Tony! Are you okay?” Rhodey asked, sitting beside him and reaching for him.<br/>Tony allowed the other man to grasp his shoulder, but he didn’t say anything.<br/>            “Tones, Steve called me. He is very worried about you. They all are. I came as soon as I could.” Rhodey paused, watching Tony closely. “I’ve been here for over an hour while they filled me in. Tony, the last time you acted like this, you were dying.”<br/>Tony looked out into the workshop, not able to meet Rhodey’s concerned eyes. He jumped slightly when warm fingers grasped his chin firmly and pulled his head around. His brother’s other hand came up to cradle the side of his neck, keeping him in place.<br/>            “Talk to me Anthony. We promised each other no more personal secrets,” Rhodey said softly, intensely.</p>
<p>Tony wanted nothing more than to talk to him. To tell him about the worry for his team, the guilt for the grief he knew his death would cause the people who loved him. He wanted to tell him about the fear for his company-his employees. Tony could feel all of that, and more, rising up in him, making him feel like he couldn’t catch a full breath. But he knew he couldn’t. When Tony looked into worried brown eyes, he felt a whole new wave of guilt and grief for this man. He was breaking a promise he made to one of the most important people in his life. He knew how much his death would hurt him, but he didn’t see a way around it. He would never be able to live with himself or Steve if he didn’t do everything in his power to save Bucky. So, he took a deep breath, smiled and lied.<br/>“Really James, I’m fine.” Tony said, holding his gaze. “I promise. I took an… unexpected dunk a while ago and the nightmares are back. They’ll settle down again soon.”<br/>“Tones, you’ve lost weight.”<br/>“I know. You know how I deal. I work. Rhodey, please, don’t worry. I’m fine.”<br/>Rhodey pulled away from him. He shook his head and said softly “You see, that’s the problem Tones. I know you. I know you’re still lying to me. I just don’t know about what or why. Why can’t you trust me?”</p>
<p>Tony shot to his feet but paused when the room spun. He shook his head, trying to clear it. Rhodey stood and reached out to him but Tony moved away, hoping he wasn’t making the situation worse. “It has nothing to do with trust, Rhodey. There is no one in the world I trust more than you. No one. No one has been through as much with me as you have. You must know that.”<br/>            “You’re making that hard to know that when you aren’t talking to me. Let’s switch this around. How would you feel if you knew I was in trouble and there was nothing you could do because I wouldn’t talk to you?”<br/>Tony eyed Rhodey. His posture, while normally “at attention” was far stiffer than was normal for him and a muscle in his jaw was twitching. All signs that he was really upset, almost angry. He didn’t know how to fix it. He couldn’t tell him. Tony slumped slightly. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.<br/>            “We have been friends-family- for a long time. I have put you through hell more times than either of us would care to remember.” Tony paused to gather himself and saw the alarm in Rhodey’s eyes. “Some would say I don’t deserve it, and maybe I don’t, but I’m asking you to trust me one more time. I have a very good reason for what I’m doing and as soon as I can, I will tell you what it is. There is nothing I want more than to tell you. But I can’t. I am doing everything in my power to… mitigate the damage.”<br/>            “Damnit, Anthony! That’s even more reason for you to talk to someone. To let us help!” Rhodey burst out then turned sharply on his heel to pace away from Tony.</p>
<p>            Tony stayed quiet, knowing there was nothing he could say at this point that would appease the other man, that he would only make it worse. Finally, Rhodey seemed to be calming down. When he turned back towards him, Tony could see the sadness in his eye.<br/>            “I can’t make you talk to me. All I can do is remind you that I’m here. That the team is here. That you don’t have to do this-whatever it is- alone. But I can’t force you to trust us. Or to let us help.”<br/>Tony fought not to show how affected he was by both his words and his tone. He couldn’t remember the last time his brother sounded that sad. He couldn’t muster more than a whisper when he said “Please, if you believe nothing else, don’t doubt that I trust you.”<br/>            “I guess we’ve reached an impasse.” Rhodey said softly.</p>
<p>Tony looked away from him. He knew he was right, there was nothing else he could say. He looked up when Rhodey sighed.<br/>            “If you won’t tell me what’s wrong, fine. I don’t like it, but I have to accept it. There is nothing else I can do about it. However, you are going to shut down in here, come upstairs with me, have something to eat and just hang out with me before I have to leave tomorrow afternoon. Give me that.”<br/>            “Come on, don’t do that platypus. Don’t make it sound like spending time with you is a chore. That’s not fair.” Tony said.<br/>Rhodey pointed a finger at him and growled, “Do not talk to me about what’s fair and what’s not right now, Tony. You’re acting like you don’t have a team. That’s not fair.”<br/>Tony couldn’t contain the slight flinch and Rhodey softened a bit. Tony nodded and offered a small smile that he didn’t feel.<br/>            “Of course. Are we having dinner with the team or alone?” Tony asked as he started to manually shut stuff down.<br/>            “The team would like to see you, but that’s your call.”<br/>Tony shook his head. “Nope. It’s yours. Tonight, is your time. If you want to share it, that’s fine, but if you don’t that’s fine too. I can catch up with everyone after you leave.”</p>
<p>When Rhodey didn’t say anything, Tony looked up. Rhodey was looking down at the table that held the weapons for Bucky, an unreadable look on his face.<br/>            “Honey Bear?”<br/>Rhodey looked up and forced a smile. “Come on. Let’s go have dinner with the team. Then we can hang out for the rest of the evening.”<br/>            “J, shut the rest down.” Tony said. “Does the team know we are coming for dinner?”<br/>            “They were hopeful.”<br/>Tony just nodded. They were quiet on the way upstairs, and awkwardness between them that hadn’t been there in a long time. Tony felt that loss of ease between them keenly.</p>
<p>            When they stepped off the elevator the rest of the team looked up. Tony could read the concern on Bucky and Steve. Sam hid his a little better, but even he was evaluating him. Thor was frowning lightly. Natasha and Clint both went blank when they saw him. Most worryingly of all was the slight green tinge Bruce took on. But with a few deep breaths he had it under control.<br/>            “Hey guys,” Tony said lightly, walking further into the room.<br/>            “Hey, Tony,” Clint said. “Where you been?”<br/>            “Clint,” Sam hissed.<br/>Clint shrugged. “What? We all want to know. I’m not dicking around about it.”<br/>            “That’s not what we agreed upon,” Thor said, arms crossed over his chest. “We agreed that we would not make him uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Tony watched with wide eyes as the team started to bicker in harsh whispers, as if he magically couldn’t hear them even though he was in the room with them. He couldn’t believe that this was what his absence was doing to them. He looked at Rhodey, who was grimly watching the rest of the Avengers.<br/>            “Look at him, Steve! He looks like he dropped twenty pounds!” Bruce snapped. “We have reason to be concerned!”<br/>            “Not only that, Steve, but he looks exhausted,” Bucky quietly cut off whatever Steve was going to say.<br/>Tony stepped forward. “You are aware that I can hear you, right? And I’m fine. I didn’t realize that my working was cause for concern.”<br/>            “Don’t insult us by trying to pretend that this,” Steve gestured sharply to Tony. “Is normal for you. However, we are just glad you came up and are going to have dinner with us.” He paused again, blue eyes narrowing. “You are having dinner with us, right?”<br/>Bucky laughed lightly. “He ain’t leaving. He would be mobbed if he tried. He’s a smart fella. I’m sure he realizes that.”<br/>Tony wasn’t fooled by the light tone. The ex-assassin’s eyes were hard when they met his and Tony could read the promise in them. He would not make it out of the room if he tried to leave. He held up his hands in surrender.<br/>            “I’m all yours for the next couple hours.”</p>
<p>            After that they seemed to settle down and they managed to have a pleasant dinner of homemade spaghetti, meatballs and sauce with a side salad, freshly baked rolls and a giant chocolate-raspberry monstrosity of cake and mouse that Bucky made. It was all delicious and Tony made sure to have a little of everything. He knew that Bruce and Sam were paying attention to how much he ate and if the looks they shot each other were any indication, they weren’t happy, but neither man said anything about it. After dinner, when everything was cleaned and put away, they all sat around and played several hands of cards; laughing and talking like they hadn’t in a while. Tony was pleased to see the tension finally easing.</p>
<p>When he felt like his friends wouldn’t protest, Tony excused himself and Rhodey for the night. They ended up in Tony’s suite where they sat in the living room and talked and laughed about their MIT days. By the time the older man insisted they both go to bed and get some sleep, Tony felt some of the chasm he felt earlier closing. He knew his brother was still upset with him, but it didn’t feel like it would rip them apart either. For the first time since he had talked to Maggie months before, his sleep wasn’t plagued by nightmares.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rhodey finally showed up. This chapter hurt to write. I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a quick disclaimer, I am not a weapons expert. I did some research, but I can't promise everything is 100 percent accurate. I apologize for any glairing inaccuracies I might have made.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the two weeks since Rhodey’s visit, the older man had made it a point to get in contact with Tony every few days. Tony wasn’t sure how to feel about knowing that Rhodey was in contact with the team about him, but he figured there was nothing he could do about that. Tony had thought a lot about how he was going to approach the upgrades he made for the team. The last thing he wanted was to gather them all together and hand them out. He did not need that kind of attention on him right now. Marcus had called and told him that the uniforms were done, as was Pepper’s body armor. Tony had picked that up the day before. With the measurements JARVIS took Tony knew there would be no fitting issues.</p>
<p>           Tony decided the first one he would approach would be Clint. He was one of the two who would need the most time before he could use his in battle. He found Clint on the outside archery range. Tony had his new quiver slung over his own shoulder. He had made it larger, but hopefully not large enough to throw Clint off.<br/>
“Hey, Legolas,” Tony called, knowing the man knew he was there.<br/>
Clint looked up as he let an arrow fly, it hit his mark and Tony shook his head. “What’s up, Tony?”<br/>
“Have something for you.” Tony said as he swung the quiver off his shoulder.<br/>
Clint took it when Tony held it out and looked it over. He looked up from studying it. “There are ten more slots for arrowheads.”<br/>
Tony smiled. He knew the man would notice that immediately. “I created ten more for you. There is an acid one, a net one, improved zipline, EMP, electric charge, one is a metal I created one that will rip through almost any armor, hollow point, one has a paralytic agent inside and the last two are based off of the designs you created and gave me. Try them and let me know how they work. If any of them need adjustments.”</p>
<p>           Clint looked from the quiver back to Tony. His voice was low and concerned when he asked, “Is this why you’ve been in your shop so much lately? Is something going on?”<br/>
“Nope,” Tony said, popping the “P”. “Just trying to get caught up with my backlog of work. I haven’t upgraded your gear in a while. Speaking of which, I upgraded the uniform too. The material is better, stronger. I adapted yours to your usual style. You’ll have a bit more protection on the torso, but I made sure I left you plenty of room in the shoulders, so it won’t impede your movements at all.”<br/>
The suit is in a box outside your door and the specs are in the Avenger’s cloud. I’d suggest reading it, although JARVIS could walk you through it if you want to go that route instead.” Tony continued.<br/>
Clint studied him with narrowed eyes and spoke softly, “Tony, if something is going on, we can help. We want to help. You’re our friend. Don’t shut us out.”<br/>
Tony rocked back on his heels. “Why does everyone think something is wrong?”<br/>
“Because we know you, doofus. And the man who has known you the longest is worried. If Rhodey is worried, then the rest of us should be too.”<br/>
Tony started to talk, but Clint cut him off.<br/>
“Tony, you are incredibly generous, to all of us. But you don’t usually do mass gifts like this, and I know if you remade my body armor you did for the rest of the team. We’re worried about you, man.”<br/>
Tony looked at the other man and could see the concern. He felt fondness tinged with grief for him. Clint’s eyes widened in alarm.<br/>
“Tony! What’s going on?”</p>
<p>           Tony shook his head, “Why won’t you believe me?”<br/>
“Because I’m a spy, your friend and not a moron. Come on Tony, give me something here.”<br/>
Tony looked at Clint and could see the worry and a touch of fear.<br/>
“When something is wrong you pull away from us. You pull away from everyone. Don’t do that.” Clint said, reaching out for Tony.<br/>
Tony smiled at him. “I really wish you guys would believe me. I’m fine. I’ve been meaning to upgrade your suits for a while and I had the time. There is nothing more to it than that. And the other upgrades, well they needed to happen too. It’s nothing more than that. You guys need to stop worrying so much.”<br/>
“I don’t see that happening any time soon.”<br/>
Tony just shook his head; he didn’t know what more he could do. He and Clint stood in a slightly awkward silence until Tony broke it in an overly cheerful tone, “Well, don’t let me stop you. You were in the middle of practicing. Let me know how they do!”<br/>
“Sure, Tony,” He paused. “Seriously, though, I do appreciate the upgrades.”<br/>
Tony smiled at him, then turned to head back into the compound, he had to track down Sam next. He called back over his shoulder, “I know you do! Enjoy!”</p>
<p>           Tony found Sam thirty minutes later, he had detoured to the lab to get one of his tablets so he could walk Sam through what he had designed, and to take a quick breather. He knew Sam was going to be difficult too. He thought Steve and Bucky would be the worst. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to tackle them separately or together, he wasn’t sure what would be worse. He knew that someone was going to find the suit before he could talk to them and he wasn’t sure how that was going to play out.</p>
<p>           Sam was in the lounge, reading a textbook. Tony took a quick peek at the cover and saw it was an emergency medical text. He watched as Sam took a quick note, then looked up.<br/>
“Hey Tony. Were you looking for me?”<br/>
“Yeah, do you have a few minutes, or should we talk later?” Tony asked, gesturing to his book.<br/>
Sam shook his head and set his book aside. “Nah, I could use a break. Some new techniques are being talked about regarding heart attacks. Just brushing up on the literature. What’s up?”<br/>
Tony settled onto a chair catty corner to the sofa. “I upgraded everyone’s suits. It was something I had been meaning to do. It’s in a box outside your room. The stats are in the Avengers cloud, or Jarvis can help if you want to go that route. I also created a few programs to upgrade Redwing, if you’re interested.”<br/>
“Yeah, I’d love to see what you got for him,” Sam said, leaning forward. “But before we start that, are you okay? Was this why you have been working so much recently?”<br/>
“Yeah, just trying to get stuff done. You know how it is,” Tony said, as he leaned back in his chair.<br/>
“No,” Sam said, copying his tone. “Can’t say I do. I’ve never had so much work that I couldn’t eat or sleep. Not since I got out of the Air Force anyway.”<br/>
Tony didn’t reply, he simply opened the programs he’d need and then handed the tablet to Sam. He watched Sam look through the program. He could tell he liked something he saw. Tony pulled out his phone and started working on a project for SI that his R&amp;D department needed help with. He lost track of time and only looked up when Sam cleared his throat.<br/>
“These are some great ideas. Whatever ones you have time to implement will be great,” Sam said, handing the tablet back to Tony.<br/>
“Which ones? If you like them all I’ll install them all. I can install the new programs while I do the physical work. It shouldn’t take long. A few hours probably.”<br/>
“All of them?” Sam asked. “A few hours. That seems like a lot for a few hours.”<br/>
“I’ve written the programs. All it is is installing them. Not hard, shouldn’t even take more than a few hours. The physical work will be what takes me the longest, even then, it shouldn’t be all that long. Will tomorrow work for you? If it does, simply bring Redwing down to the lab.” Tony said as he stood.<br/>
Sam looked surprised and went to stand, but Tony waved him off. “I’d stick around if I could, but I have a few other people to track down.”<br/>
Sam looked up at him and said, “Thank you man, really.”<br/>
“Don’t worry about it.” Tony waved as he left the room.</p>
<p>           On the way to his shop, he stopped by Bruce’s lab. The man was in the middle of an experiment, so Tony set the envelope with Bruce’s grant paperwork inside and quietly slipped back out of the room. He picked up Thor’s comm unit and Natasha’s Widow Bites and went to the gym, where Jarvis told him they were sparring. Tony suppressed a chuckle, even though he was alone in the elevator. That was something that would probably surprise people if they knew, the Black Widow and Thor regularly sparred together. They were sitting in the middle of the ring, drinking from water bottles when he entered. They both looked up. Tony smiled brightly at them and ignored the look they passed between them. He climbed in the ring and settled himself in front of them. He held out both pieces of tech to their new owner. He addressed Thor first.<br/>
“That is a new comm. I know how annoyed you get when yours breaks from an overload of electricity. That’s what I had you conjure lightning for me the one day. So, I could get readings to know much I had to shield your new comm. You shouldn’t have that problem again, but if you want to test it, by all means, do so and let me know how it goes.” He turned his attention to Nat. “Yours, you can now control the charge you give someone. Plus, you now have a longer range. You can shoot barbs. You can get up to twenty feet. I’d suggest practicing with that.”</p>
<p>           “Since you are here,” Thor looked up from his comm. “Would you mind if we inquired how you are doing?”</p>
<p>           “I’m fine you two.” Tony said, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He knew they were worried about him, but he was getting sick of the same question. He also knew the two worse were still coming.<br/>
“I made a career out of reading people,” Nat spoke up, eyes pinning him in place. “I know you are lying to us. I do not appreciate being lied to. You know this. Yet, you are lying to me.”<br/>
Tony shook his head. “I don’t know what to tell you Nat.”<br/>
“You could stop lying.”<br/>
“Natasha,” Thor said gently, reaching out to her. “Maybe that is not the best way…”<br/>
Natasha jerked away from Thor, rose gracefully to her feet, then rounded Tony. He was shocked to see tears in her eyes. “If you are in trouble, we can help you. If there is something wrong with you, I think we deserve to know. We care about you.”<br/>
She turned, gracefully exited the ring and disappeared out the doors. Tony and Thor were left sitting in the ring, neither knowing what to say.<br/>
“I may not express concern as readily as our comrades, but I feel the worry and concern that they do. Even I know something is wrong. And yet you persist to insist that we are wrong. Do not take us for fools.” Thor said in a deep rumble as he looked at Tony intently.</p>
<p>           Tony felt a return of his guilt, but also some anger. He was trying to keep them safe. He couldn’t tell them, but as quickly as the anger came, it left with that realization. They couldn’t know. Of course, they were upset. And if he was being honest with himself, he knew he would be angry, concerned and a bit sad if he knew a teammate was in trouble but wouldn’t ask for help. He was starting to get used to the helpless feeling and that was making him angry again. He got to his feet, unable to help the envy he felt at how easily Nat, and now Thor, did it. “I’m fine Point Break. I appreciate the worry, but it’s not necessary. I am just fine.”<br/>
Tony tried not to fidget as the older man studied him.<br/>
“That too, is a lie.”<br/>
Tony sighed, reached out and patted Thor’s bicep, then left the room.</p>
<p>           Tony went to his shop and had Jarvis put them into blackout mode. He knew he had to deal with Bucky and Steve yet, but he couldn’t seem to get up the strength. He knew they would be the worst. Even as hard as it was to see Natasha become emotional, he knew those two would be the worst. If anyone but Rhodey were going to get him to trip up, it would be those two. He felt his heart start to race at the thought, knowing what it would mean.<br/>
“Sir,” Jarvis broke into his racing thoughts. “You need to calm yourself. Your vital signs have spiked alarmingly. Will you tell me what is troubling you? It doesn’t seem to be your normal panic attack.”<br/>
“They know something is wrong Jarvis. I don’t know how much longer I can keep lying to them.”<br/>
There was a long pause before Jarvis spoke slowly, “I do not know what exactly you can do about it. I do not know if this prediction will come true or not, but Sir, it doesn’t seem to be the thing you take chances with. My primary function is your safety and if you lose the team, I fear what it would do to you. So if you lying to them keeps them alive… I can find no fault with that.”<br/>
“I… This is why I was avoiding them, so I didn’t have to deal with this.” Tony fell silent.</p>
<p>           Almost an hour passed before Jarvis spoke again, pulling Tony out of his increasingly dark thoughts.<br/>
“I know we are in blackout mode, but Colonel Rhodes is attempting to call you. Would you like me to put him through?”<br/>
Tony sighed, but gestured for Jarvis to put him through. The next hour Tony spent talking to Rhodey. Even over the phone the older man could tell something was wrong. Tony skated over all attempts he made to get him to talk about it.<br/>
“I have to go soon, Tones,” Rhodey said seriously. “But before I do… I’m going to be going radio silent for a few days. The military is sending War Machine out. I’m thinking the mission is going to take a few days. Maybe a week.”<br/>
Tony felt his breath catch in his chest, as it always did whenever Rhodey went on a mission that required radio silence. Being who he is, Tony was very rarely not in contact with Rhodey. They have multiple secure ways to talk to each other. But he knew when Rhodey said radio silence, he meant it. His voice was steady when he responded, “Okay. That’s unusual for you to be gone that long as War Machine. They know they can reach out to us if they think you’ll need support.”<br/>
“They know, Tones. I know it’s longer than usual, but it’s nothing to worry about.”<br/>
“Not that you’d tell me if it was.”<br/>
“No, I probably wouldn’t.” Rhodey confirmed. “Do not hack your way in to find out either. I have to go, Tones. As soon as I’m done, you, as always, will be my first call. Take care of yourself.”<br/>
“You too, Platypus,” Tony said softly. When the phone clicked, he sagged back in his chair. He hated it every time he went out, but it’s the life they both chose and neither of them regretted it. Tony went to the bathroom at the back of the shop and splashed water on his face and scrubbed it vigorously. “Time is it, J?”<br/>
“It is six twenty in the evening. You have missed dinner. No one was happy when I informed them that you did not wish to be disturbed.”<br/>
Tony braced his hands on the side of the sink, let his head hang between his shoulders and swore viciously for several long seconds. Then he stood up, raked his hand through his hair and asked, “Where is Steve? Are he and Bucky together?”<br/>
“They are not. Steve is in his suite and Bucky is on the grounds, running.”<br/>
“Put me through to Steve, J.”</p>
<p>           Tony stood, still in the bathroom, as he waited to see if Steve would pick up. He was thankful that no one was around because when Steve answered he sagged against the sink, legs barely holding him up.<br/>
“Hey, Tony. What do you need?”<br/>
Tony took a deep breath.<br/>
“Tony?” Steve sounded alarmed and Tony hurriedly spoke up.<br/>
“I’m here. Sorry. I’m here. I was wondering if you had some time. If I could come up and talk to you.”<br/>
There was a pause before he answered slowly, “I think that is a good idea. We do have some things to talk about. While we talk, you can eat. We had chicken and stuffing casserole tonight. While you are on your way up, I’ll heat you up some.”<br/>
“I’ll see you in a few.” Tony motioned for Jarvis to hang up as he left the bathroom. On his way out of the shop he picked up Steve’s harness from the table and shoved it in a bag he had laying around. As he made his way toward Steve’s suite, Tony found himself getting nauseous. Everything was starting to catch up with him. When he got to Steve’s door he knocked twice and the door opened a second later. He took a step back in surprise as how quickly Steve answered. He spent a moment wondering if Steve had been standing there waiting for him or if he heard him coming. He pushed that thought aside when Steve motioned him in.</p>
<p>           “Have a seat wherever. I’ll get your dinner and some drinks for us,” Steve said, leading the way to his living area.<br/>
“Steve, I’m really not all that hungry.”<br/>
Steve turned back and looked at him. Tony watched his eyes scan what he assumed was his face and his eyebrows drew together and his mouth turned down. He nodded once before going into the kitchen. Tony could hear him moving around as he settled on the far side of the sofa, closest to the armchair he knew Steve favored. He put the bag he was carrying down beside his feet. He looked up when Steve came into the room, carrying two glasses and a pack of crackers. He set the try down and handed him the glass with, what Tony realized, was ginger ale. Once he had the glass in his hands, Steve tossed the pack of saltines on the cushion beside him.<br/>
“Those might help.”<br/>
Tony nodded but ignored the crackers for the time being. He was watching Steve study him. He wasn’t sure what the other man was seeing, but whatever it was, he didn’t seem too happy about it.<br/>
“We had an interesting conversation at dinner. It would have been nice if you were there for it.” Steve said mildly, settling back into his chair.<br/>
Tony started to reply, but Steve held up a hand. Tony fell silent and waited for Steve to speak.<br/>
“I am your friend, I hope you don’t question that. Or question that I care about you, but Tony, I am also the co-lead of the Avengers and as co-leader I need you to tell me that you are safe to be in the field. Not just for civilians or the team, I know you would never needlessly risk their lives, but are you safe for yourself? You’ve lost weight. You look exhausted.”<br/>
Tony went cold at that. When he felt his hand start to shake, he quickly set the glass down, hoping Steve wouldn’t notice. The way blue eyes narrowed told him Steve didn’t miss it. He looked him square in the eye when he said, “I swear I am field ready. I wouldn’t mess around with that. Not now. I know you guys could get hurt if you were too busy worrying about me. I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t fight compromised like that.”<br/>
Tony sat perfectly still as Steve studied him closely.<br/>
“I know something is wrong. You can deny it all you want, but I know you and Rhodey knows you. He agrees with me. I can’t make you talk to me, I wouldn’t want to, but the question if I can trust you with your own safety is starting to come up.” Steve said calmly, watching Tony carefully.<br/>
Tony couldn’t help the slight flinch that caused. He knew Steve caught it because his features tightened even more.</p>
<p>           “The fact that you didn’t immediately start protesting, or even yelling at me, is making me wonder if I’m right. You aren’t talking to anyone, Tony. None of us know what is going on with you. I am responsible for the team’s safety and that includes you. You’re responsible for them too.” Steve said softly. “I don’t know what to do Tony. I don’t want to bench you, but I don’t know that you are giving me a lot of choices here. Come on Tony, let me help you.”<br/>
Tony couldn’t find it in himself to fight. He was numb. He was terrified that he wasn’t going to be enough, and if he let this man’s best friend die, Tony didn’t think he would ever forgive him. Tony didn’t think he’d be able to forgive himself. With all the blood on his hands, Bucky’s would be the one that broke him. He raised his eyes from his trembling hands, he had stopped trying to hide them from Steve, there was no point, and the other man sucked in a sharp breath. Tony saw blue eyes widen and his mouth drop open a little bit. Tony thought distantly that Steve couldn’t have looked more shocked if he tried. Steve sat forward and reached out slowly, giving Tony time to pull away, before settling one of his big hands over his own.<br/>
“I’m sorry Tony. Until further notice, I’m removing you from active duty. I don’t care if it’s Sam and Bruce, one of the compound doctors or your personal one, but I need you to have a full physical. I need to know how much weight you have lost before we can come up with a plan to get you back in the field. But more than that Tony, I just want you healthy and whole.” Steve squeezed Tony’s hands gently. “Whatever you need from us, Tony, you’ll have. You aren’t alone.”<br/>
“I know,” Tony finally whispered, not able to meet Steve’s eyes.<br/>
“I would like to tell the team, but, for now, that’s your decision. If we are called out, we can come up with something-” Steve started.<br/>
Tony shook his head. “No. They deserve to know. They need to know that I will not be available if you are called out. I... don't know what to tell them… That I, I mean…”<br/>
“We’ll tell them it’s for health reasons. That’s all we need to say. They’ll understand.”<br/>
Tony just nodded his head. Steve gave his hands another squeeze, then sat back. “Your hands are freezing. Do you want something hot to drink?”<br/>
Tony shook his head. They sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for several long minutes, then Tony let out a long breath. He raised his eyes to meet Steve’s. His voice was a shaky, desperate whisper. “I want nothing more than to tell you, or Rhodey or Bucky what is going on, but I can’t, Steve. I can’t. I don’t even know I can say this much. I just don’t know Steve. I don’t know. I don’t understand all the variables and I don’t know if I’ll make it worse. I don’t know if I already have.”</p>
<p>Tony leaned forward, head bowed, fingers tearing at his hair. Steve moved forward to gently grasp his wrists, not restraining, just holding on.<br/>
“Tony, what are you talking about? I don’t understand.”<br/>
Tony pulled away so he could look at the other man. “Steve please, don’t. Just… Let it go.”<br/>
Steve nodded, blue eyes scanning his face. “Okay. I won’t ask you anymore. Just, please, Tony, remember what we are here. I’m not blind to the fact that you are frightened. So, I won’t push you anymore. But Tony, stop pulling away from us, okay? I told you, I won’t push and I mean it, so stop avoiding me.”<br/>
“I wasn’t avoiding you exactly. I just had some stuff I needed to get done. Speaking of that, I have something for you.” Tony said as he reached down for the bag. Tony handed it to Steve. Steve looked at Tony, then down at the bag. He reached in and pulled out the harness. His eyes shot up to Tony.<br/>
“It’s magnetized. It’ll recall your Shield if it doesn’t come back to you. It should be more comfortable too. If you slip it on, I’ll show you how it works.”</p>
<p>           Steve stood and put the harness on. Tony stood and swayed a little bit. Steve reached out to steady him.<br/>
“Before you leave, Tony, you really need to eat something. I have some soup if your stomach can’t handle the casserole.”<br/>
Tony could see how concerned he was, so he nodded. “That would be good, thanks.”<br/>
Steve just smiled at him slightly. Tony fidgeted slightly and Steve said, “There is a slight variation in the weight on the front of the harness. It’s slightly heavier.”<br/>
Tony just looked at him for a long moment before saying softly, “I really didn’t think you’d be able to tell the difference. Is it going to throw you off?”<br/>
“No, Tony. It won’t. It’s a very minimal difference.” Steve shrugged his shoulders, then rolled them before standing still.<br/>
Tony reached out and touched an easy to reach spot on the harness. “Tap this three times and it’ll activate the magnets, which will then call the shield. The magnets on the back are a lower strength and won’t need to be activated. For anyone else it would require substantial strength to remove it, for you, it won’t be an issue.”<br/>
Steve looked at Tony for a second, clearly determining if he was steady on his feet, then he left the room. When he came back, he was carrying his Shield. With practice movement he attached it to his back. He moved around a bit, judging the “fit”. After a minute of moving his head back and forth he turned to look at Tony.<br/>
“I’m not imagining it. It’s sitting lower on my back. My head doesn’t hit the top of it.”<br/>
Tony nodded. “I remember you saying that was an issue for you. So, I fixed it. Is that more comfortable?”<br/>
“Tony, this whole harness is more comfortable. It’s great, thank you. This, with the new suit you designed for us is amazing. Thank you so much.”<br/>
Tony smiled at him. “I’m glad to do it. You know that.”<br/>
“I also know you deserve to be thanked for your efforts. There is no excuse for us not to be grateful.”<br/>
“I know you appreciate what I do for you. That’s never been in question.” Tony said, then lowered himself back down onto the sofa.<br/>
“Okay, it’s time to get some food into you. I’ll go heat up some soup for you. Drink some of that soda. The sugar should help too.” Steve said firmly as he took off his shield and set it off to the side. He didn’t bother to remove the harness.</p>
<p>           Tony leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He accepted the fact that the other man was right, he had pushed his body too far. But he also knew from experience that he would be fine with some food and some sleep. Tony took several cautious sips of the ginger ale and couldn’t help feeling relieved when his stomach didn’t complain about it. He looked up when Steve came back in. Steve was holding a steaming bowl, which he passed over to Tony, then settled back into his own seat.</p>
<p>           Tony looked down into the bowl to confirm what his nose was telling him. It was Steve’s sausage potato soup. It was one of Tony’s favorites. He raised the bowl to his lips and took a sip of the broth, then picked up the spoon to scoop up some potato and sausage. He had to fight a blush when his stomach grumbled loudly. He knew the super soldier had to have heard it, but Steve said nothing. After Tony ate several more spoonfuls, Steve started up a light conversation about the latest rumors the tabloids were writing about them. When Tony finished the bowl, Steve asked him if he wanted more, but Tony said he really couldn’t eat anymore.</p>
<p>           “Was I your last trip, or do you still need to see Bucky?” Steve asked.<br/>
Tony looked up at him, not shocked at all that Steve figured it out. “I still have to see him.”<br/>
Steve studied him. “Will you go to bed when you’re done talking to him? You look like you are going to pass out.”<br/>
“That’s the plan. I want to sleep for a week. I’ll call my doctor in the morning and get a physical set up. He’ll get me within forty-eight hours. Whatever labs he does, he’ll put a rush on them. That’s pretty standard for my results. By the end of the week, we should know what kind of shape I’m in.”<br/>
“Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. When you go to get your results, if you want some company, I’ll go with you. Any of us would. I’ll go with you to the appointment too if you want.” Steve offered.<br/>
Tony smiled slightly. “I know you would. I’ll let you know.” Tony paused. “I should get out of your hair.”<br/>
“You are always welcome here, you know that, but you should go find Bucky so you can get some sleep.” Steve said firmly, as he guided him to the door. “Thank you again Tony, for everything you’ve done for the team. We really are grateful for it.”<br/>
“I’m happy to do what I can for you guys. You know that.” Tony said quietly. When he was on the other side of the door, he turned back to Steve. “Thank you for understanding Steve. I… Just, thank you.”<br/>
Steve smiled at him. “Anything, Tony. You know that.”<br/>
Tony gave him another slight smile, before turning and heading back down to his shop. As he gathered the weapons together, he asked JARVIS where Bucky was. Tony let out a long sigh upon hearing he was still outside on the training grounds. On a normal day, that wouldn’t be a big deal, but Tony was exhausted and the last thing he wanted to do was hike out there, but he didn’t really have a choice.</p>
<p>           Tony stood off to the side and watched Bucky go through his workout. He shoved his hands in his pockets. He offered a tired smile when the man looked up and met his eyes. Bucky finished his set of pushups, grabbed his water bottle and came over toward Tony.<br/>
“Just how much energy do you have to exert to work up a sweat?” Tony asked idly.<br/>
Bucky shrugged his right shoulder. “I’ve been out here since dinner. So, it hasn’t been all that long. It’ll take much longer than that for me to work up a sweat. What’s up?”</p>
<p>Tony held the rifle out to him. Bucky hesitated for a second before he took it. He looked it over carefully before moving over to one of the benches where he quickly and efficiently stripped it. He looked at each part carefully, inspecting it as he removed it. When he was done, he put the rifle back together quickly. Then he checked out the optics.<br/>
“She’s a beauty. I’ve never seen anything quite like her.” Bucky said as he stood up.<br/>
“Her?” Tony raised his eyebrow.<br/>
Bucky did his little half shrug again. “Something my DI said to me. Stuck with me. He said ‘A gun’s like a woman. It’s all about how you hold her.’”<br/>
Tony nodded. Then he pulled out both knives in their sheaths and held them out for Bucky to take. Bucky examined them both closely as well. When he looked up, there was admiration in his eyes. “You definitely know what you are doing. These are beauties as well.”<br/>
“They’re yours,” Tony said.<br/>
Bucky studied him closely, blue eyes searching. “You know I always appreciate weapons. What’s goin’ on, Tiny?”<br/>
Tony forced a laugh that he didn’t feel, and he watched Bucky zero in on that. Tony tried not to let on how tired he was, but from the way the other man’s face tightened, he knew he hadn’t masked his exhaustion well.<br/>
“Tony?” Bucky asked, moving closer to him.</p>
<p>           Tony held up his hand and quietly asked, “Can we not do this Bucky? Please.”<br/>
“We just want to help-” Bucky started.<br/>
Tony cut him off. “I know. Bucky, I know. I’ve had this conversation with Steve. Please, Bucky, I can’t do it again. Talk to Steve, let him fill you in. I just…”<br/>
Bucky took another step closer and reached out to touch Tony’s arm. His voice was soft when he spoke, like he was soothing a frightened animal. “It’s okay, Tiny. You don’t gotta say anythin’ you don’t wanna. I’m not about to pressure you into talkin’. You look dead on your feet. Why don’t we head in?”<br/>
Tony wanted to be indignant at the gentle tone, but he found he couldn’t even conjure that up anymore. Tony might not like emotions, but he did know himself well enough to know that he was just about at his breaking point and that he needed to be away from everyone if he hit it. He just nodded and the super soldier quickly gathered his stuff and fell in step beside Tony. They didn’t speak at all until they got to the hallway where they would part ways.<br/>
“Go talk to Steve. He’ll fill you in. JARVIS, let him know it’s fine.” Tony murmured.<br/>
“Yes, Sir.”<br/>
Tony started when Bucky touched his shoulder. He reluctantly met the other man’s eyes. “Get some sleep Tiny. You look dead on your feet.”<br/>
Tony just nodded; he didn’t even have the energy to reply. He turned, stumbled slightly, then continued down the hall.<br/>
When Tony got to his suite, he didn’t even make it to his bedroom. He simply slid down the door and sat on the floor, eyes going unfocused as his mind played all sorts of horrific deaths for his family.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was another emotional chapter to write. As always, I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tony is not in a good place in this chapter. We see him hit rock bottom. He has some dark thoughts and a pretty severe breakdown. I’ll go into more detail at the end of the chapter, for those that might need it before reading. Please, keep in mind your own mental health. </p>
<p>As for the name Vision Tech, yeah, I’m not too thrilled with it, but I tried to come up with something that a bunch of young, fresh out of college (Post Grad) young adults would name a company that’s purpose was to help people.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony wasn’t sure how he made it through the next week. He constantly felt like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He had made an appointment with his personal physician the morning after he spoke with Steve like he had promised. The actual appointment, which took place two hours before he normally opened his office, was just as horrible as Tony had expected it to be. He was told, quite bluntly that he was malnourished, that he had lost over twenty pounds since he was last seen and that he needed to correct that quickly, before he encountered more health problems than he already had.</p>
<p>His doctor had done bloodwork and that came back with what Tony was expecting. There were no surprises, but it was a stark wakeup call. He needed to find a better way to deal with his stress than workshop binges and not eating or sleeping. His body simply couldn’t take it. Tony finally acknowledged that the dizzy spells were his body screaming at him for more food and water.</p>
<p>Tony put his head in his hands. He had stopped avoiding the team and made the effort to eat dinner with them each evening. His anxiety left him nauseous most of the time, so that was the best he could do. He knew Sam and Bruce were not happy with the minuscule amounts he was eating with them, but he was making sure to drink several protein shakes a day. He had regained three pounds. It wasn’t a lot, but he was satisfied with the progress he was making there.</p>
<p>There was a slight hitch in his recovery when Rhodey didn’t make it home when he said he would. He was listed as MIA, along with the small team he had been deployed with, for four days. There had been some trouble they weren’t expecting and it pushed back their mission. It took everything Tony had in him not to go snooping into government servers to find out where he was and go after him. Steve had told him to give it a week, then he would, as the leader of the Avengers, authorize Tony to look into it. Then depending on what was found, they would go from there. Steve assured Tony that if Rhodey was in trouble, they would go after him. Bucky had looked him directly in the eye and said with quiet confidence, “If something is wrong Nat, Clint and I will go after him and bring him home. He is one of ours. We won’t leave him behind.”</p>
<p>When Rhodey had finally video called him, it had taken everything Tony had not to break down and cry in front of him. He knew his Platypus wouldn’t have judged him for it, but he did still have some pride left. For the first time since Rhodey had left, the part of his heart that was purely Rhodey’s, had unclenched. Rhodey wouldn’t talk about what had happened, saying that it was for the military, not the Avengers, but he did tell Tony he was completely fine, as were the men he went out with.</p>
<p>Tony had complete respect for how seriously James Rhodes took his oaths to the country and didn’t press. They spent an hour talking and catching up. Rhodey told him that he would be back at the compound before Halloween and that he should be staying through the end of the year, to get some training in with the Avengers. As soon as they hung up, Tony rushed into the bathroom and threw up everything in his system. When he was done, he rinsed out his mouth and washed his face. He stumbled into the workshop and collapsed onto the sofa, where he buried his face in his hands and allowed the tears of relief to fall silently.</p>
<p>As soon as he had gathered the tattered remains of his composure, he rose and washed his face again. He studied his reflection critically and decided that except for the slight reddening of his eyes, he looked like what passed as normal for him these days and went to tell the team. He was pretty sure he didn’t fool any of them, but they pretended not to notice the evidence of his crying and expressed their happiness that Rhodey was okay.</p>
<p>As the next week passed, Tony tried to get more sleep, in addition to the more normal amounts of food he was eating, but the nightmares just wouldn’t let up. More often than not, Tony ended up throwing up what he had eaten during the day after escaping the nightmares, so he wasn’t making as much progress there as he would have liked. He didn’t know what to do about the nightmares. He didn’t know how to make them stop. He knew when all of this was over, if he somehow managed to survive, he would have to talk to someone. In his darker moments he couldn’t help but think there would be no “after” for him and he selfishly didn’t hate the idea. As long as his family came through okay, if he gave his life for that outcome, he could rest easy.</p>
<p>Tony’s responsibilities to SI didn’t end just because of his personal business, so he was in his office in the compound, looking over paperwork that Pepper had couriered over and reading her corresponding emails. He reviewed the contracts that need his attention and signed when he could. Several he made notes on and put them in the pile to send back to Pepper. Tony sat back in his expensive office chair and rubbed his face tiredly. This was easier when they shared office space. But, he had no desire to commute to the city everyday so this would have to work. He planted his elbows on his leather blotter and set his chin on his clasped hands.</p>
<p>He had to go into the office tomorrow. There was something Pepper wanted to discuss with him in person and he needed to make an appearance in the R&amp;D department. He wanted to see what his underlings were working on. Tony sighed, then turned his attention back to the paperwork. He wanted to get everything done he needed to so he could spend some time with the team tonight. They were doing a gaming marathon later and he wanted to be able to be there for that. He hadn’t had time to hangout and have fun with them for a while. He knew it would do them all some good, but first, he had to get his work done.</p>
<p>Tony looked up from his paperwork two hours later when there was a light tap on the door. The person on the other side didn’t wait for an answer before the door was being pushed open. Even before the person was inside the room, Tony could smell the coffee. He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. Someone was bringing him coffee. He was a bit surprised when it turned out to be Clint. The archer wasn’t one to normally bring him coffee, he was usually beaten by either of the resident super soldiers.</p>
<p>“Hey, Tones,” Clint said, balancing a tray with coffee, two bowls and a plate with what looked like a slice of chocolate cake on it. “Thought you could use an afternoon pick me up.”<br/>Tony cleared space on his desk for Clint to set the tray down.<br/>            “I brought some coffee. Figured you could use a refill by now, some fruit and a slice of chocolate cake Bucky made.” Clint took one of the mugs of coffee and settled into the comfortable visitor’s chair on the other side of the desk.<br/>            “Can you take a break while you eat?”<br/>Tony picked up his own mug and smiled at Clint. “Yeah. I’m almost done anyway.”<br/>            “That means you’ll be able to join us for some gaming?” Clint asked excitedly.<br/>            “Yup. I wouldn’t miss it.”</p>
<p>            The two men settled into a comfortable silence. Tony was leaning back in his chair, eyes closed as he cradled the mug close to his chest, hoping to relieve some of the pain that settled there. He opened his eyes when Clint whistled softly.<br/>            “That’s a lot of paperwork Tones.”<br/>Tony couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “What did you think I did for SI? I might not be CEO anymore, but I’m still CTO, plus head of the R&amp;D department. I always have paperwork. But I had a lot more as CEO. I also hold a majority share of the stock and sit on the Board of Directors. That comes with its own paperwork. I hold just over fifty three percent of stock in SI. That gives me controlling interest. Rhodey and Pepper each hold five percent. Between us we hold sixty three percent. Each member of the board of directors has a two percent share and there are seven of us. That leaves twenty three that are in the public sector. SI stock is highly sought after, most people don’t sell it once they have it.”<br/>Clint was shaking his head. “Yeah, that’s not for me.”<br/>Tony just laughed again. “I was bred for this, Clint. There is almost nothing that could have changed the outcome of my life.”<br/>            “That’s kind of sad, Tony,” Clint said softly.<br/>Tony shrugged. “Thankfully I love engineering. I also love my company and my employees. I just didn’t love being CEO. Pepper however, does and she is excellent at it.”<br/>Clint just nodded, then motioned for Tony to eat something.</p>
<p>            “Why’d you bring me two bowls of fruit?” He asked, as he exchanged his coffee for a bowl.<br/>            “That was Bucky’s doing. One has a cream cheese and cream mixture on the bottom. The other is just fruit. The dip or whatever you want to call it is good.”<br/>Tony dug around with the spoon until he saw the bottom of the bowl. There was nothing except fruit in this one. He exchanged bowls and got a bit of the dip. He looked up at Clint.<br/>            “Oh, that is good. Bucky?”<br/>Clint shook his head. “Thor, actually.”<br/>            “Really?” Tony’s eyebrows rose, as he ate another bite.<br/>            “Surprised all of us. He was hanging out with Bucky while he was baking and he started pulling stuff out of the fridge. He knew how to make whipped cream and he started wondering if he could melt cream cheese and put it in there. So next thing Bucky knows he’s putting cream cheese in the microwave.” Clint shrugged. “At that point he was curious too, so he just watched. The cream, melted cream cheese and some sugar went in a mason jar and he shook it like crazy until it thickened up.”<br/>Tony just nodded and went back to his fruit.</p>
<p>            Tony and Clint talked lightly about the plans for the night for a little while. When Clint finished his coffee he stood up.<br/>            “I should let you get back to it, so you can join us tonight. We are thinking about starting around five. Let us know if you need more time, we can wait for you.”<br/>Tony shook his head. “I should be done by then, but if I’m not you don’t have to wait for me. Just put me on the roster for last.”<br/>            “You sure?” Clint asked, as he gathered the bowl and mug Tony was done with.<br/>Tony nodded. “Yeah. I really should be done in another two hours or so, unless something comes up.”<br/>            “Okay.”<br/>            “And Clint? Thanks for the snack!” Tony called as Clint was heading out the door. Clint simply waved back at him before he pulled the door shut.<br/>Tony shook his head, smiled and got back to work. He wanted to hang out with the team tonight. He had some people to school in Mario Kart.</p>
<p>            Two hours later Tony was locking his office up for the night so he could spend some time with the team. He had emailed Pepper everything she needed and even some work she didn’t need until next week. He had let Pepper know he was done for the evening, wished her a good one and told her he would see her tomorrow. He found the team in the common area, tables had been set up, and Tony didn’t know where they came from, they were filled with food. It was enough to feed a whole party full of people, or one hungry superhero team. They ate first, then got down to some serious gaming. They talked and laughed and threw stuff at each other and made a huge mess, but Tony couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy. The only thing that would have made it better was if his Honey Bear could have been there.</p>
<p>They called an end to their party at just before one. Tony started to clean up, but Steve stopped him and assured him they would clean up tomorrow, while he was meeting with Pepper. Tony nodded, thanked them all then headed off to bed. He was hopeful, with the good time he had just had, that he would get some good sleep that night.</p>
<p>Tony woke the next morning more rested than he was used to. He had had some nightmares but thankfully less than what had become his normal. Tony got ready quickly, had a fast bite to eat with Sam, then was hurrying off to his meeting with Pepper. Tony was thankful that he didn’t hit any major traffic issues. He pulled into the underground parking lot right on time. Tony casually strolled through the building, greeting the employees he came across by name, if he knew them, and the ones he didn’t with a polite smile, nod and “how are you?”.</p>
<p>Tony walked out of the elevator on the floor that held both of their offices. He smiled at Pepper’s secretary as he came to the desk.<br/>“Hey Matt. How are you doing?”<br/>“I’m doing well, Mr. Stark. Thank you. How are you?” The young man answered.<br/>“I’m good, thanks. Is Pep ready for me?”<br/>Matt nodded. “Yes, sir. Miss Potts said to send you in when you got here. In about a half hour I’ll bring you both in some coffee. Your usual?”<br/>Tony smiled again then moved to the door. “That would be great Matt. If you’re going downstairs, be sure to put it on my tab and get something for yourself too.”<br/>            “Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Matt replied with a smile.<br/>Tony winked at him then entered Pepper’s office.</p>
<p>            Tony looked around the large office. He was as comfortable here as he was on his own. He spent a lot of time here over the years since she’s been CEO. She was on the phone, so he settled on an armchair on the other side of the office. For once he didn’t pull out his phone to do some work. He simply stretched out his legs in front of him, folded his arms over his chest, one hand gently rubbing around the reactor and closed his eyes to wait for her.</p>
<p>            Tony opened his eyes when he heard her coming his way. She was carrying a few files with her and had a tablet balanced on top. She settled on the sofa across from him. She put the files on the low coffee table, then sat back and studied him for a moment. Tony met her eyes, not saying anything, letting her adjust.<br/>            “Tony,” She whispered. “You don’t look well.”<br/>Tony smiled lightly. “I’m fine Pep. You don’t need to worry about me.”<br/>She shook her head and snorted inelegantly. “I always worry about you. That hasn’t changed because we aren’t together any more.”<br/>            “I’m sorry about that.” Tony said honestly.<br/>Pepper shook her head. “Don’t be. I’m not. I will never regret loving you, and I do, even if I do worry. Just because I’m not in love with you, doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. You are my biggest source of worry and frustration, at times, but you are also one of the most important people in my life and I wouldn’t change that for the world. The worry and stress doesn’t matter as long as I have you as long as I can.” Pepper stopped when she started to choke up.<br/>Tony leaned across the table, ignoring the pain in his chest, to gently take her hand. His voice was gentle when he said, “Don’t cry for me Pep. I’m okay. And for the record, I love you too. You are family. That will never change.”<br/>Pepper squeezed his hand, then pulled away as she wiped her eyes. “Sit back. I know that’s hurting you.”<br/>Tony didn’t argue and eased himself back against the chair. He fought to keep the grimace off his face, he didn’t want to worry Pepper anymore than he had. She gave him a minute, then she started talking about what they needed to accomplish that day.</p>
<p>            They settled into their rhythm they had perfected over the years of working together. They paused shortly when Matt brought them in coffee and pastries and a selection of fruit.<br/>            “You got something for yourself, right?” Tony asked, taking the cup the young man offered him.<br/>            “Yes, sir, I did. Thank you very much.”<br/>            “We’ll be ordering out for lunch. When we have you place our orders, get something for yourself as well,” Tony said, then turned back to the tablet on the arm of his chair.<br/>Pepper laughed and Tony looked up.<br/>            “You know, SI does pay for working lunches and whenever he orders for me he gets something as well.”<br/>Tony just waved her off, before turning his attention back to his tablet and reading through the report Pepper sent him.</p>
<p>            As the day wore on, they took a break for lunch, but then got right back to work. For an hour after lunch Pepper had a phone conference that Tony wasn’t needed for, so he used that time to go visit the R&amp;D department. He loved seeing what his people were coming up with. But now, it was almost five and they were on the last item of the day. Sunlight from the setting sun was bathing the room in warm light, playing off the cream colored furniture. They had finished everything else that needed both of their attention. They were both nursing another cup of coffee. Pepper set hers down and pulled up the last file they had to review.</p>
<p>            “This is the last one for the day. Tony, the contract with Vision Tech isn’t going to work.” Pepper said.<br/>Tony looked up from his tablet, then back down, scrolling through the information quickly. Finally, he spoke, “I agree, what they are asking for we can’t do. However I don’t think we should just write them off. We’ve been trying to work out a deal with them for almost a year.”<br/>            “Yeah, Tony, a year. They aren’t interested in working with us,” Pepper insisted.<br/>            “So, what, you just want to give up?” Tony asked, looking at her.<br/>Pepper let out a sigh and pulled her hair down out of the clip it had been in all day. She ran her hands through it a few times, then sighed again. “Yes Tony, I do. I think we need to cut our losses there before we lose more time.”<br/>            “I’m not ready to give up on them Pepper,” Tony said, once again looking at the list of the latest requests. “I mean, some of these aren’t terrible.”<br/>            “Tony!” Pepper exclaimed, exasperated. “Why are you even considering this? You would never bow to another company like this! Why are you willing to to this one?”<br/>            “Vision Tech is the only company on the African continent who is even remotely doing anything with Green Energy. We could help them so much. And in turn, help the world. SI could do so much good there Pepper.” Tony raked his hands through his hair. “I know, this deal isn’t the best for us, but if we can help those people, don’t we have a responsibility to do it?”<br/>            “Not at the expense of our company.” Pepper shot back. “Yes, SI could take the hit, take the loss, but that’s not the way we conduct business. That’s not the way you ever have before. And honestly, Tony, I don’t think they have the necessary infrastructure to support the kinds of changes you are thinking of.”<br/>            “I’m not ready to give this up Pepper,” Tony said firmly.<br/>            “And I’m ready to.” Pepper said just as firmly.<br/>They sat in tense silence for a while before Tony sighed. “Alright. We aren’t settling this tonight. We hit a stalemate. Let’s call it for the day. We can talk more about it later-” Tony abruptly stopped talking.</p>
<p>            Tony cast his eyes around the room. He took in the low coffee table with papers scattered across the top. The cream colored furniture. The contract. Stalemate. He felt sick.<br/>            “Tony!”<br/>Tony’s head shot up to look at Pepper. She was sitting on the edge of the sofa, her blue eyes filled with concern. “Are you okay? Tony? Do I need to call someone?”<br/>Tony shook his head and held up a hand. His voice was a rasp when he spoke. “No, I’m fine. Sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment.” He pushed himself to his feet and kept talking. “Really Pep, I’m fine. But I am going to get going. I have a long drive home. We can talk about this more next month.”<br/>Pepper was studying him closely. “Are you sure you’re okay?”<br/>            “Completely fine.” Tony said, reassuringly as he ignored the churning in his stomach.<br/>            “Okay. Then I’ll let you go. I have a dinner meeting I need to get to anyway.”<br/>            “Do you want me to walk you down?” Tony offered, hoping she declined.<br/>She shook her head. “I have to get ready first. There is no point in you waiting around for that. I’ll be just fine.” Pepper rose and walked to his side. She smiled at him warmly, but Tony could still see her worry. “Will that be all, Mr. Stark?”<br/>            “That’ll be all, Ms. Potts,” Tony replied by rote. He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to her cheek, before leaving the office. He was vaguely aware of Matt telling him goodbye. He thought he waved or something but he couldn’t be sure. When Tony got in the elevator he rasped, “Take me to the garage J.”<br/>            “I’m sorry Sir, I do not think that is a good idea. You are in no state to drive. Might I suggest the Avengers floors instead?” JARVIS said.<br/>Tony thought about it for a minute and realized that the AI was right. If he tried to drive right now all that would happen would be him getting in an accident. He nodded.</p>
<p>            When the doors opened into his floor Tony stumbled into the entryway. He staggered into the living room, then fell, hitting the floor hard. Tony sat there, panic washing over him. Between gasps for breath he told JARVIS, “That’s it J. That was the final one.”<br/>            “I know, Sir, however, you should really stop trying to talk right now.”<br/>Tony nodded his head. His heart was racing, it felt like it was trying to leave his chest. His lungs were screaming in pain and Tony choked on the air he was trying to breathe. He coughed harshly, causing more pain. He pulled his knees to him, hoping that would help support his chest. It felt like it was in a vice. The pain was exquisite. Tony lowered his head to his crossed arms, distantly shocked to find his face wet. He hadn’t realized he had been crying. Maggie’s voice rang in his head, “You and Miss Potts are in a large, airy office. You’re sitting around a low coffee table, papers scattered across the light wood. She is on a sofa, you are on an armchair. Both are a beautiful cream. You are fighting. A contract. Something went wrong. She wants to give up, you don’t. You say it’s your only foothold into Africa with green energy. That your company can do a lot of good there. She doesn’t agree. You are both frustrated when you leave. You are at a stalemate.”</p>
<p>            Tony turned slightly to the side and threw up, his body heaving. When he was done his breaths were coming out in ragged pants. Finally, a voice broke through his mental anguish.<br/>            “Sir, you are in the Tower. You are safe. The team is safe. You must try to calm yourself down. The date is October nineteenth. The time is six oh three. It is a cool fifty two degrees outside.”</p>
<p>            Tony waved his hand, silently telling JARVIS he could stop. Tony slowly uncurled. He cast a slightly disgusted look at the mess beside him, but he knew he had to ride out the shaking yet before he would be able to deal with that. When the trembling started, he drew his knees back to him and wrapped his arms around his legs, hoping to lessen the tremors. For almost an hour all he could do was sit there as his body tried to shake itself apart. JARVIS eventually started playing soft, soothing music quietly in the background and that seemed to help.</p>
<p>            Tony slowly uncurled from his ball when his tremors were down to slight trembling. He carefully stood, avoiding the puddle of vomit and moved to the bathroom. He got a towel and ran it under water. He wrung out the excess, grabbed a clean towel and left the bathroom. He sank down on his knees beside the puddle and methodically started cleaning it up. When there were no traces of it left, he carefully dried the marble floor. He put both towels in the garbage in the kitchen.</p>
<p>            Tony stood in the kitchen, not really seeing anything around him. His mind was a mess of images, both real and imagined. He reached up and grasped his hair, pulling at it. He was aware of JARVIS talking to him, but he wasn’t sure what was being said. Tony turned and methodically walked back into his bathroom. He stepped into the shower, fully clothed and turned on the water as hot as it would go. He flinched when it first hit him and he felt it cool slightly. Something in him broke and he started screaming at JARVIS.<br/>            “No! Turn it back up! It needs to be hot! I am so cold JARVIS! Turn it back up.”<br/>            “I am sorry, Sir, but at that temperature all you will do is burn yourself. I will not allow that. This is a perfectly acceptable temperature to warm you up.”<br/>Tony didn’t answer. As quickly as the anger had come, it fled.</p>
<p>            Tony wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there, under the spray when he swayed on his feet and stumbled. Tony moved back until his back hit the wall behind him and he slid down. He raised his face to the spray, allowing it to wash away his tears. Tony wasn’t sure how long he floated between reality and nightmare. The next thing he was truly aware of was the shower door opening. Tony knew he should be alarmed, but he just felt numb. Numb was easier than crushing fear and despair.</p>
<p>            “Tony,” A voice breathed.<br/>Tony was aware of another person entering the shower with him, but he didn’t open his eyes to see who it was. A different voice asked JARVIS to turn off the water. As soon as the water stopped, Tony started trembling.<br/>            “JARVIS, can you turn up the heat? I don’t want him getting cold.”<br/>            “Yes, Captain Rogers.”<br/>            “Come on Steve, let’s get him out of there. I’ve got his bed covered in towels.”<br/>Tony felt himself being pulled to his feet and he tried to help them but his legs didn’t seem to want to support him. Distantly he was aware that those two particular men didn’t need help from him to move him. He was laid on his bed and a blanket was thrown over him.<br/>            “Go change. You bein’ wet ain’t gonna help anythin’. I got this.” The second voice said firmly.<br/>            “How are you going to get him out of those wet clothes by yourself? You'll need help.” The first voice protested.<br/>Tony heard the whisper of a blade being pulled from a sheath. That sound should cause alarm, but he knew he was safe with these two. “I don’t gotta be able to see his clothes to cut ‘em off him.”<br/>            “Buck-” The first voice reproved.<br/>            “Go. He’s got more. He won’t miss ‘em.”</p>
<p>            Tony laid completely still as Bucky-it’s Bucky- carefully cut along the seams of his clothes. When he was done with that, Tony heard his knife go back in the sheath, then Bucky started talking to him.<br/>            “I’m gonna get these wet clothes off ya. When Stevie gets back, we’ll get ya dressed in something dry and warm. I think you might be in a bit of shock. But that’s okay. Sam and Bruce are in the kitchen. They will make ya some hot, sweet tea and that should go a long way to helpin’.” Bucky said as he smoothly moved Tony around, getting his clothes off without ever moving the blanket from covering him. Tony was finally starting to process what was going on around him again when Steve stepped back into the room. He was carrying some clothes with him.<br/>            “They’re mine. They’ll be easier to get him into than his.”</p>
<p>            Tony started to sit up and Bucky reached out to help him. The genius couldn’t bring himself to meet their eyes as he felt his face heat up. He couldn’t believe that they had seen him like that. He took the shirt that was being offered to him and slipped it on, then took the hoodie.<br/>            “Tony,” Steve said softly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”<br/>Tony just shook his head. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and in one smooth motion he stood, bringing the towel with him and wrapped it around his waist. He staggered slightly, but got his footing quickly. He went to his chest of drawers and pulled out underwear and his own pants. He dressed quickly, leaning on the dresser for support. When he was done with it, he tossed the towel on the bed with the others.</p>
<p>            Tony kept his eyes trained on the floor, but he could see both men out of his peripheral vision. They were watching him. He had no idea what to say to them. This was a version of himself he never wanted anyone to see.<br/>            “Tony,” Bucky said softly, moving toward him a few steps. “I have no idea what happened, what caused that, but you don’t have to be ashamed with us. C’mon Tiny, you know we all have our own baggage. I have a trainload of it, you’ve never treated me bad because of it.”<br/>Tony darted a quick look up at the other man. He realized that he didn’t look anything but sincere.<br/>            “I don’t think you’ll judge me for it,” Tony replied, looking away. “I just…” Tony shook his head.<br/>Steve stepped forward. “Let’s head to the lounge. I’m sure by now Bruce and Sam have some tea ready for you. It should help the trembling.”<br/>Tony thought about protesting, he knew there would be questions that he just couldn’t answer. But, he simply didn’t have the energy to protest. He also knew he would be ignored. So, he allowed himself to be led out of the room. Bucky fell into step beside him. Tony looked up at him and got a small, encouraging smile in return. Tony tried to return it, but the tightening around Bucky’s blue eyes told him he failed.</p>
<p>            Tony faltered slightly when he entered the lounge to see the whole team sprawled around the room. Everyone had a mug in their hands or close by. Bucky put a hand between his shoulder blades and propelled him forward. Tony sank down onto the sofa beside Sam, who held out a mug to him. Tony took it, appreciating the warmth that seeped into his, still cold, hands. When he took a sip, he found a peppermint blend. He assumed someone found the vomit soaked towels. Tony studied the mug in his hands as he avoided looking at the others.</p>
<p>            Steve broke the silence when it began to become oppressive. “Is there any chance that you will tell us what happened here?”<br/>Tony darted a look up and met the concerned blue eyes. He opened his mouth, but he had nothing to say. There was nothing he could say. He simply shook his head and lowered his eyes again, not wanting to see his team’s reaction.<br/>            “I have to say, Tony, I don’t understand why you can’t talk to us,” Clint said, confusion coloring his tone.<br/>Tony wasn’t sure how to answer him. So he didn’t say anything for a long while. Finally he spoke. “I know, with how I’ve been acting, that you will have no reason to believe me, but you are the majority of the people I trust most in my life. I know I haven’t been acting like it and all I can say is I’m sorry. There is a reason. And, you’ll probably know what it is someday. But it’s not something I can talk about. With anyone. It’s not just you. You know Rhodey doesn’t know either. There is nothing else I can say.”<br/>            “I find myself quite frustrated by that answer,” Thor frowned lightly. “I do not like knowing that there is something troubling you so greatly that you were both physically ill and emotionally distraught. I do not like knowing you are suffering under such a burden alone. Such a burden can break even the strongest of warriors.”</p>
<p>            Tony looked at Thor and saw the millennia of experience in his eyes. The man knew what he was talking about. He had seen more than any of them could fathom and so often he was overlooked because of the way he talked and the nievati he approached life on Earth.<br/>            “I can’t give you much right now, but I can tell you this Point Break. I won’t lie. I’m down. But ask Rhodey, he’ll tell you. That’s when I’m at my most dangerous. That’s when I build myself back up. I hit that point tonight. I won’t deny it. But now, it’s time to fight.”<br/>Tony set down his mug and got to his feet.<br/>            “JARVIS,” Tony said, voice alive.<br/>            “Yes, Sir?” JARVIS responded with anticipation.<br/>Tony strode toward the elevator, ignoring the scrambling behind him. “Wake everything up in the shop. It’s time to fight.”<br/>As the elevator doors closed, Tony could see his team, standing in the lounge, looking at each other with confusion, but he could also see the burgeoning hope. Tony took a deep breath and allowed that hope to bolster his own. Once the doors were closed, and he was moving down, he looked at the camera and whispered, “It’s time to fight.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tony is having nightmares and anxiety attacks. He thinks at one point that if he doesn’t survive, he’d be fine with that as long as the people he loves are ok. There is mention of him throwing up because of his anxiety. Tony has a breakdown after the final prediction happens. He disassociates for a bit. Steve and Bucky help him out of the shower (everyone is clothed). Bucky covers Tony then cuts him out of his clothes to get him dry and warm. I think that's everything. If you're unsure about reading, please feel free to message me, I can see if I can give you more details. </p>
<p>This was a rough chapter, but Tony got through it and so did we. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony spent the next three days in the workshop in the tower. He was going over the suit’s capabilities with JARVIS, trying to find where it was weak and improve it. He spent the first two hours just going over what he knew with JARVIS about what was going to happen. What Maggie had seen in her vision.<br/>            “We know they will be underground, so the next time they are called out, we need to monitor if they go underground. Or if Bucky is rendered unconscious. We deal with bombs fairly regularly, so that probably won’t be much help. And I will have a choice to make. Well, screw that. I’m Tony Stark. I’ll find a way to save us both. And if there isn’t, well, Bucky and the rest of the team will make it out. I’ll make sure of that.”</p>
<p>            Tony wasn’t completely surprised, when on day four, he went up to the communal kitchen and found the team, having lunch.<br/>            “Tony!” Several voices exclaimed.<br/>Tony held up a hand, asking for silence. When his friends settled back down Tony said softly, “I’m okay. I wasn’t expecting you all to still be here though. Why didn’t you go back to the compound?”<br/>            “We weren’t going to leave you here,” Nat said, as she rolled her eyes at him. “We went back to the compound the first day and got our gear in case we were needed and to be able to spar. But, as long as you are here, we’re relocated here as well.”<br/>While Natasha was talking, Tony had moved to the coffee maker and was pouring himself a mug. “That’s really nice of you guys, but you didn’t have to put your lives on hold for me.”<br/>            “It’s like he’s not listening,” Sam commented lightly to Bruce before turning to look at Tony. “We didn’t put our lives on hold. We can do everything we need to from here. Or did you forget, oh wise genius, that you left our floors exactly how we left them?”<br/>Tony barked a surprised laugh. It felt like a lifetime since any of his team wasn’t anything but careful with him. And it felt amazing.</p>
<p>            Steve moved to stand beside him, as he made his own cup of coffee. He knocked his shoulder with Tony’s and said, “You know, JARVIS let me know that someone,” Steve looked pointedly at Tony. “Was working out in the gym again. And eating three times a day… And getting at least four hours of sleep a night.”<br/>            “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Is my AI talking out of turn again?” Tony looked at one of the cameras and said lightly, “What have I told you about telling tales out of school J?”<br/>            “That is an unsubstantiated rumor Sir. I really don’t think you need to concern yourself with it. What do the kids say these days? Have video or it didn’t happen? Where is your video, Captain?”<br/>Tony burst out laughing, while Steve spluttered on the mouthful of coffee he had just taken. When he was done coughing he sent a slight glare to the same camera Tony had looked at. Then he turned the same look on his chuckling teammates. When he spoke his voice was dry. “I know you have video JARVIS.”<br/>            “Ah, but see dear Captain, it is not what I have, but rather what you have. And I know you don’t have video.”<br/>            “Nice one, J,” Clint said before taking another bite of his sandwich. “You want one Tones? It’s good.”<br/>            “I can throw one together, but thanks Legolas.” Tony said, then drained his mug. He made himself two sandwiches with turkey, lettuce, tomato and Bucky’s mustard/mayo combination. “You put barbeque sauce in this too, don’t you?” Tony asked, pointing the used knife at the man.<br/>Bucky just smirked at him, before taking an obnoxiously large bite of his own sandwich. Everyone ignored Steve’s indignant “Bucky!”</p>
<p>            Tony rolled his eyes and threw an apple at him. No one was surprised when he caught it without problem. Bucky smiled at Tony before taking a bite out of that as well. Tony shook his head and muttered “And you called Steve and me heathens.”<br/>Tony took his plate with his sandwiches, a handful of chips and a large scoop of fruit salad with Thor’s cream cheese dip on top to the table. Their conversation over lunch was lighter than they had had in a long time. They somehow ended up sharing stories of missions gone hilariously wrong. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement that they all would be funny. After listening to Sam tell them about a disastrous jump in Jump School that ended with him stuck, dangling, from a tree –“They told me I had to figure out how to get myself down and refused to help me or allow anyone else to!”- that Tony decided to show them the videos of him first learning to fly the suit. That left them all laughing.</p>
<p>            Eventually everyone drifted off to whatever they had to do. Before they left Tony told them that he was going to head back to the compound the next day, and that they were free to stay or go at their discretion. Tony got grumbling comments from everyone that he ignored. Tony put several more hours into work on the armor, fabricating pieces that were easier to do here than at the compound. When Tony joined everyone for a late dinner, he felt more like himself than he had in a long time. They had an enjoyable dinner that was, once again, filled with lighthearted stories of past missions. After dinner, Tony stuck around and helped Sam clean up. As they were washing pots, they both agreed that it was easier to wash them now than deal with the dishwasher before they left, Tony brought up a subject he was wary of.<br/>            “Sam, I, uh… I’m sure you know I have PTSD. I’m also sure you know I’m not… Coping as well as I could be.” Tony looked up from the pot he was washing to look at the other man. “Any advice on where I should start trying to fix it?”<br/>Sam was quiet for several long minutes as he carefully dried the pan Tony had handed him. When he put the pan down, he turned his attention completely to Tony. When he spoke, it was slow, like he was measuring his words and Tony’s reaction to them. Tony tried to remain open to whatever he had to say.<br/>            “I have a friend. I served with him. He is a psychiatrist. He got his MD when he came out of the military. I think he would be a good fit for you. Granted, I have a friend who is a psychologist who would probably be a good fit personality wise, but Tony,” Sam paused, weighing his words. “It’s my opinion as a counselor, but I think you would probably benefit from both Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which has great success results with PTSD both short-term and long-term, and a medication regimen. That’s why I’d suggest Dylan Rays over Zach Grover. Dylan would be able to determine if medication was right for you and if it was, you wouldn’t have to interrupt your care to find someone who could manage the medication side of it.”</p>
<p>            Tony studied Sam for a long moment. Then turned his attention back to the pot. He scrubbed it for a moment, getting the last stubborn spot off. He rinsed it, then handed it over to Sam. Before he picked up the next pot he paused and answered Sam in a thoughtful voice. “I’m not quite sure why everyone thinks I have an aversion to medication. Yes, I do not self-medicate like I did when I was in my late teens and early twenties, but I was never addicted to pills. I was addicted to some harder drugs that I went to rehab to treat, and for most of my life I’ve been a functioning alcoholic. I cut back on my drinking after,” Tony paused and tapped the reactor gently. “This got put in. And I have been completely sober for a year on Tuesday.”<br/>Sam cut in to say quietly, but happily, “That’s great Tony. I’m so happy for you. And really proud of you, man. That is one amazing accomplishment.”<br/>Tony smiled at him as he continued, “It’s never been the meds Sam. I know medication is safe to take under a doctor’s guidance. Granted I don’t like some and I’ll forgo pain meds when I can, but I take medications daily to deal with the nerve pain. It’s a non-opioid option that seems to take the edge off. If I went the opioid route I could probably live with a lot less pain, but I would have to give up being Iron Man and I’m not at that point yet. And I take OTC pain killers, but I’m not sure how much they help. I can function without them. Sam, it’s the doctors. I don’t like them. I don’t trust many. But a psychiatrist isn’t going to be operating on me, so I should be fine. And if you recommend him, I doubt he’ll mess me up further than I am.”</p>
<p>            Sam didn’t say anything right away, so Tony turned back to the dishes he had left to wash. He looked up when the other man cleared his throat.<br/>            “First of all, you aren’t messed up. You have been through hell, there is no debating that. It makes sense that you would be wary of doctors given what you went through,” Sam paused and looked at Tony until he raised his eyes to meet Sam’s. “And with how you’ve been betrayed by doctors in the past. I would not recommend someone to you if I thought there was even the slightest chance they would hurt you.”<br/>            “I know you wouldn’t Sam.”<br/>            “I’m glad you know that. Look, my recommendation is Dylan, but I’ll give you both of their numbers and you can decide. I need you to know why I didn’t offer. There are a couple reasons. The first is because I’m your friend. I know I couldn’t maintain the emotional distance you have to have to be helpful. Two, I don’t think I’m qualified to give you the care you need. But Tony, if you ever need someone to talk to, I hope you know I’ll always listen.”<br/>            “I know you would Sam. That has never been a question. I’m just… Not so good at sharing.” Tony said lightly, with a shrug.<br/>The two men made quick work of the rest of the dishes with light conversation, both deciding they had enough heavy conversation.</p>
<p>            When they were done they went their separate ways. Sam went to his floor to make sure he was packed to leave and Tony went to the gym. He wasn’t surprised to find the resident super soldiers, god and spies all in attendance. Tony didn’t say anything to their strange free-for-all they seemed to have going in the big ring. Tony went to one of the treadmills and started walking, which he quickly increased to a decent run. He managed to run for a full 30 minutes, working up a sweat.</p>
<p>While Tony was running he was watching the others spar. At times it looked like there were teams, at others they seemed to fluidly change. About half way through his run, Clint broke off and joined Tony on the other treadmill. Clint easily ran at twice his speed. Tony shot him a playfully exasperated look and muttered “Show off” just loud enough for Clint to hear. When he did, Clint promptly started doing all sorts of tricks, from flips to running backwards, which caused Tony to start laughing and almost fall. Clint immediately stopped and reached out to slap the emergency stop on Tony’s machine but Tony regained his footing and waved him off.<br/>“Sorry Tones,” Clint said, remorse in his tone.<br/>Tony shook his head. “Don’t be.”</p>
<p>            When they were done running, Clint and Tony spotted each other through their weight routines. Clint didn’t say anything but Tony could see the shock in his eyes when Tony couldn’t lift his former weights. Tony realized that for the first time Clint was truly realizing how bad Tony had gotten. When Tony sat up from the bench press, he wiped his face off with his towel, then gently grasped Clint’s rock-hard forearm and said softly “I’m okay. I’m doing better than I was.”<br/>The other man shook his head. “I guess I didn’t truly realize how bad you had gotten. I’m sorry.”<br/>            “Don’t be. I hid it well. I didn’t want anyone to know.” Tony said quietly. “Don’t feel guilty about this, Clint.”<br/>Clint didn’t do anything for a long second, then he reached up and clasped his hand over Tony’s on his arm. “I’m glad you’re doing better. If you ever need to talk, Tones, you know I’m here. You were there for me after Loki screwed with my head. You stayed through the anger and screaming and through the depression and tears and you never judged me for any of it.”<br/>Tony didn’t know what to say, so he simply turned his hand in Clint’s and gave it a hard squeeze.</p>
<p>            “Are you two going to work out,” Natasha’s voice cut through the gym. “Or keep standing there holding hands?”<br/>Tony looked at Clint with a smirk. “I think she’s jealous.”<br/>            “You know, she might be. I don’t think anyone’s held her hand in a long time.” Clint grinned. “Think we should do something about that Tones?”<br/>            “You know, I think we should.” Tony started moving toward Natasha, Clint at his side. When they got to the ring, they each went a separate direction before climbing in. Steve, Thor and Bucky had backed up and were watching to see what was going to happen. Tony locked eyes with Clint and caught the slight eye movement to the left. So Tony casually started drifting to his left, moving closer to Nat as he did. Clint started going right. Natasha was between them, trying to track them both, but Tony and Clint were being careful to make sure she couldn’t. She would have to pick one of them at a time. She glanced at Tony, then turned her attention to Clint. Tony knew he was the bigger “threat” out of the two of them, but he was getting tired of being underestimated by the team. Clint kept dancing just out of Natasha’s reach. When Tony deemed her close enough to Clint, he dove at her from behind, forcing her into Clint. In seconds they had her pinned between them in some semblance of a three-way bear hug. She put up a brief light struggle, clearly not wanting to hurt Tony, before going limp between them. That caused Clint and Tony to stagger, not expecting that. In seconds all three of them were on the floor.  Tony looked up at the sound of laughter. The other three were standing there laughing at them. He couldn’t help it, he joined in. Soon Nat and Clint were laughing too. Bucky moved forward and carefully pulled Tony off the other two. When Tony was standing on his own he, much less carefully, pulled Clint and Nat up.<br/>            “Well we see who your favorite is,” Tasha said playfully.<br/>Bucky looked at her, unimpressed. “Was there ever a doubt?”<br/>            “Hey!” Steve exclaimed indignantly.<br/>Bucky waved a hand at him. “You don’t count. Like Rhodey doesn’t count for Tony. Like I don’t count for you. They don’t count for each other and whoever is Thor’s best friend doesn’t count for him.”</p>
<p>            “Well,” Tony broke the quiet. “I think that’s it for me. I’m feeling that. I’m going to call it. I’m heading back to the compound in the morning. I don’t know how you all got here, but I’ve got room for one with me. Though if one of you would be willing, I’d like you to take an SUV back. I’ve got some stuff that needs to go to the compound.”<br/>            “Nat and I can take it,” Clint said, smacking Natasha lightly on the shoulder. “Just let us know when you want to leave.”<br/>Natasha nodded at Clint’s side.<br/>            “Great. That’s perfect. Thanks.” Tony smiled at them.<br/>Clint shook his head. “You can’t leave your car here. That would just be a tragedy.”<br/>Steve was behind them muttering, “It’s a car. A nice one for sure, but just a car.” Tony ignored him. “I’ll make breakfast tomorrow morning. Let’s say 8. I’ll see you guys then.”<br/>Tony left the gym before anyone could say anything.</p>
<p>Tony took a shower, then settled into his sofa to do something he hadn’t done in a long time. He picked up his tablet, scrolled through the apps, found the one he wanted and started to read a book. Tony spent the next several hours reading. When it hit twelve thirty, Tony put his tablet down and got ready for bed. Tony fell asleep pretty quickly once he was in bed. He woke up several times throughout the night with nightmares, but he was able to fall asleep quickly again after.</p>
<p>When JARVIS woke him, Tony was relieved to realize that he felt rested. He felt a brief flash of desire to go back to sleep, but Tony forced himself out of bed and into the shower. He ran through his morning routine quickly then moved into the communal kitchen. JARVIS turned on the lights for him. Tony looked through the refrigerator to see what ingredients he had to work with. He pulled out a variety of vegetables, fruits, meats and cheeses. He decided that he had everything he would need to make several different frittatas. He mixed up the base for all of them, then put that back in the fridge. He cut up the meat first and got that cooking on the stove in a cast iron pan. Then he cut up the vegetables. Tony cut up the fruit and tossed that all in a bowl, which he put back in the fridge. He made several combinations of frittatas and stuck them in the multiple ovens. He cleaned up the mess he had made, then, on impulse, he whipped up a quick batch of cinnamon rolls. He covered them with a dish towel and let them rise. He would put them in the oven while everyone was eating breakfast. After he made a quick cream cheese frosting, he settled in at the island to answer some emails.</p>
<p>Tony looked up when he heard footsteps. Thor came into the room, looking ready to go.<br/>“Good morning,” Thor greeted as he slid into a seat across from Tony.<br/>“Hey, Blondie. How are you?” Tony said as he continued to type.<br/>Thor watched him for a moment then replied easily, “I am well. How are you?”<br/>Tony didn’t respond right away, his eyebrows lowering as his eyes narrowed. He quickly read what was on his screen, before he looked up at Thor, his expression lightened. “Sorry about that. I’m good. I’m glad you’re well.”<br/>            “Is everything alright?” Thor asked.<br/>Tony waved him off. “Yeah, it’s nothing to worry about. Nothing Pepper and I can’t handle.” Tony turned his attention back to the tablet and typed out a quick email to Pepper, attaching the email he had received. He wanted to make sure she had seen it. When he looked back up, Thor was watching him with a troubled look.</p>
<p>            Tony laughed lightly and Thor’s frown got more pronounced.<br/>            “Thor, buddy, I swear nothing is wrong. One of my members of the Board of Directors is making noises about removing Pepper as CEO because of a policy we put into place. He’ll be voted out at the next meeting. It’s not something big. It’s more of an annoyance. It’s happened before and it’ll happen again.”<br/>            “If I may ask, what does he disagree with? You and Pepper are more than fair to the people you employ?” Thor asked, frowning.<br/>Tony stood up to check the dishes in the ovens. As he did he explained. “We started offering paternity leave as well as maternity leave. Becoming parents is hard. Having a baby is hard. Fathers should get time off to be with their baby too. Well, this guy is older, he’s got twenty years on me, he was with the company when my Father was still alive. He doesn’t think it’s proper for a man to take time off when his wife has a baby. Granted he’s never really liked that I turned the company over to a woman. Pepper is usually able to keep him in his place. That’s it.”<br/>Thor looked thoughtful. “On Asgard, men don’t spend much time with the women or babies after birth. They have family or friends who help them if they need it.” He looked up at Tony. “Maybe that should be different.”<br/>            “I don’t have kids, I’ve always been very careful about that, but if I did,” Tony paused. “I think I would want to be involved. I don’t know that I would be and that’s why I don’t have kids. I’m afraid I’d be like Howard.”<br/>Thor moved to his side and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. “You are not the type of man who abandons what, and who, he loves.”<br/>Thor moved away and before Tony could respond he heard the voices of the rest of the team. He shot Thor a, what he hoped was thankful, look and then turned to the newcomers.</p>
<p>            “Hey everyone. Breakfast is just about done. Grab some fruit and bread while I get the frittatas out of the oven.” Tony instructed as he grabbed a potholder. As he pulled them out and sat them on the table, he told everyone what was in them. When the last was out he pulled the cover off the cinnamon rolls and stuck them in the oven. He finally sat down with the rest of the team around the table.<br/>“What are you waiting for? Dig in.”<br/>“We were waiting for you,” Bruce said, taking a slice of the veggie frittata. “This looks amazing.”<br/>“It smells even better,” Sam commented before he took a bite of his. “Oh wow. This is good. I haven’t had a frittata, in… wow I don’t remember the last time. I think before I joined the Air Force.”<br/>Tony looked at the two super soldiers and the god. “I assume none of you have had this before?”<br/>            “No,” Bucky said, answering for him and Steve. “It’s really good though.”<br/>Steve just nodded since he was chewing.<br/>            “It’s been a long time since I’ve had something like this. I think the last was that mission in France, I don’t know, eight years ago,” Clint commented idly to Natasha.<br/>She nodded at him. “I know that’s the last time I did. It’s good, thank you.”<br/>            “Yeah, no problem. This is actually something Rhodey taught me to make, courtesy of Mama Rhodes. After we graduated from MIT, she was worried about me and before Rhodey left for the Air Force, he stayed with me and taught me how to cook a little bit. She insisted, since both my parents were gone, as were Jarvis and Anna. She was worried I would starve. You should have seen the look on that woman’s face when I said there was always pizza and Chinese takeout.” Tony had a small smile on his face as he remembered that conversation. He shook himself out of the memory then addressed everyone. “After this are you ready to head home?”<br/>            “Yeah,” Bruce spoke for all of them. “We have our gear in the hall. Whenever you’re ready, we can go.”<br/>Tony paused, took a sip of his coffee and then fiddled with his mug. He watched his family talking quietly, a bunch of different conversations going on at once. Not for the first time, he realized how lucky he was to have these people in his life. He sat back in his chair, pushing his plate slightly away from himself, done with the eggs, and enjoyed the rest of his coffee. He inhaled deeply as the warm, cinnamon-ie goodness permeated the air. He could see everyone else taking notice too. Just when he was about to get up to check on them JARVIS spoke up.<br/>            “Sir,” JARVIS broke into the conversation. “Your time is up. I do believe they are baked to perfection.”<br/>            “Thanks, J,” Tony stood and stretched lightly, before going over and taking the pan out of the oven. He took the bowl that had a generous amount of frosting in it and smeared it over the top of the buns. He turned and placed it in the middle of the table with a smile. “Dessert.”</p>
<p>            Bucky took a deep sniff and a smile stretched across his face. He looked over at Steve, who had the same look on his face. Bucky looked back at Tony and said, “Now these take me back.”<br/>            “My Ma made some of the best cinnamon rolls in Brooklyn. We didn’t have them often, ingredients were too expensive, but when she did make them, they were a favorite of everyone in Brooklyn.”<br/>            “And Sarah Rogers made sure that she had enough for just about anyone who wanted a piece.” Buck recalled.<br/>Clint took a bite of his and smiled around it. “The first time I had one, it was just after my first mission for SHIELD. I had been in the field for over a week, eating MREs and rationing my water. So I’m waiting to debrief, I’m exhausted, starving and smelled really bad and Fury is taking his sweet time. Coulson can see my temper fraying. He told me to stay put, not do anything stupid and that he would be back. Well, he comes back fifteen minutes later with two large cups of coffee, a wet towel, a dry towel and a cinnamon roll. He hands me the towels first and I get some of the sweat and blood off, then he hands me one of the coffees which I down in seconds, needing the caffeine jolt. Then he sets the roll and another cup of coffee in front of me. I pick up the cinnamon roll and take a bite. It was probably the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I know, that’s a result of it being the first thing I ate after a week of MREs, but to this day I still love these things.” The archer looks up at Tony. “These are probably the best I’ve ever had. And I’ve eaten a lot of cinnamon rolls over the years.”</p>
<p>They quickly cleaned up from their breakfast and Tony had JARVIS put in an order for the place to be completely cleaned with his cleaning company. In the end Thor decided he wanted to ride back to the compound with Tony. Thor told him about what it was like growing up on Asgard and Tony told about his childhood. When they got back to the compound, Thor went to return his gear to his room and Tony went straight to his workshop. Tony was getting a handcart when Bucky and Steve showed up, each carrying pieces of the Iron Man armor.<br/>“Oh, thank you. You didn’t have to do that. Can you put it down over there?” Tony pointed to a spot near other pieces of the armor.<br/>They carefully put them down and Tony laughed lightly.<br/>            “What?” Steve asked.<br/>            “You do realize that you don’t have to be so gentle with that, right? It’s meant to take a beating.”<br/>Steve looked sheepish, while Bucky just shrugged. Tony shook his head at them. “Thanks for bringing it down.”<br/>            “You gonna be down here working all day?” Bucky asked.<br/>Tony looked at the pile of parts for the armor, then darted a quick glance over his worktables. “A few hours. I should get everything done I need to by dinner, as long as nothing for SI comes up.”<br/>            “So we’ll see you for dinner?” Steve wanted to know.<br/>            “Yeah. Even if I get slammed with stuff for SI, I’ll be up for dinner.”<br/>            “Okay, well, then we’ll go so you can work. We’ll see you later.” Steve said, pushing Bucky along in front of him.<br/>Tony let out a laugh. “You know you are welcome to park down here, as long as you don’t mind if I ignore you.”<br/>            “Thanks for the offer Tiny, but we’re gonna go spar.”<br/>            “We are?” Steve stilled.<br/>            “You wanna be pushing me around, then yeah, Punk, we are.” Bucky said smartly.<br/>Steve just laughed and started pushing him out of the shop again. Tony watched them go, a small smile on his face. He snorted lightly. He shook his head and turned his attention to his armor.</p>
<p>            Tony worked steadily for several hours, working out the remaining kinks in the armor. He allowed himself to relax and banter with JARVIS in a way that he hadn’t in a while. He had a smoothie for lunch that he packed with protein powder, greens and fruit and a granola bar. After his quick lunch he turned his attention onto what he needed to do for SI. He responded to what his R&amp;D department needed first. They were working on some incredible things and he wanted to make sure a clerical error, especially on his part, didn’t hold them up. After that, he answered the few emails from Pepper and reviewed what she needed him to.</p>
<p>            At six Tony went up to have dinner with everyone else. After dinner, he helped clean up, with Clint this time, then went to the gym to work out. Once again Tony and Clint spotted each other. When they were done, they parted ways. Tony took a shower, then retired to the common lounge, where Steve was sitting drawing and Bucky was… Knitting?<br/>            “When did you pick that up, Frosty?” Tony asked as he sat down on the other side of the sofa from him.<br/>            “About two months now.” Bucky said. “I find it relaxing.”<br/>Tony shrugged. “I’m glad you found something that relaxes you. Whatever helps.”<br/>Bucky looked up from his knitting. “What do you do to relax?”<br/>Tony smiled at him. “Believe it or not, but my work is usually pretty relaxing for me. I love what I do. I love inventing. I love being in my workshop.”<br/>            “But what about when you’re not in the workshop?” Steve asked. “I mean, I like working out and running, but I need things in my life that don’t have anything to do with Captain America. So I draw and when I can, I visit museums. It seems like everything you do can somehow be related back to your work as either Iron Man or for SI.”<br/>            “I enjoy reading. And of course, the video games I play with Clint are fun. But honestly, I don’t have that much time usually for relaxing.”<br/>The three men settled into a comfortable silence. The only sounds in the room were Steve’s pencils on paper and the click of Bucky’s needles.</p>
<p>            The next week passed in the same manner. Slowly the others joined them in the evening. They settled into a comfortable routine in the evenings. It was nine days after the new routine had started, everyone was gathered in the lounge, each doing their own thing to relax and unwind. The light conversation they had been having had trailed off naturally when the Avengers Alarm started blaring.<br/>Steve was on his feet instantly, sketchbook falling to the cushion beside him. “Alright everyone, suit up!”<br/>Everyone but Tony was already hurrying out of the room to change. Steve paused and looked at Tony.<br/>            “Go,” Tony said softly. “I’ll be on coms.”<br/>Steve looked unsure for a second, before his features hardened and he nodded. He turned sharply on his heels. When he got into the hallway, Tony heard him start to run. Tony quickly cleaned up whatever the team was working on. He picked up Steve’s pencils, straightened out Bucky’s knitting, being careful that he didn’t knock any stitches off the needles. He placed bookmarks in both Bruce’s book and Sam’s. He shut off Clint’s handheld game, after saving his progress and he carefully closed Natasha’s nail polish. Thor had been texting with Jane so there was nothing for him to do there.</p>
<p>            Tony went down to the workshop and got on comms just as they were doing their checks. After everyone else had confirmed they were on comms Tony did the same. When no one said anything after that announcement Tony spoke again calmly.<br/>            “I told you, Cap, that I was going to be on comms. If nothing else I can send an armor and control it remotely. I don’t want to do that if I don’t have to. I won’t have as much information if I was there in person and mistakes can be made, but if you need help, if you’re getting overwhelmed, I can.”<br/>            “Alright, sounds good Shellhead.” Steve said lightly, before getting serious. “You do not show up in person.”<br/>            “That’s not in the plan. I know I haven’t been cleared yet.” Tony confirmed.</p>
<p>            Steve started filling the team in on what they think was going on. SHIELD had given him an update as he was getting ready. SHIELD had gotten wind of a group of scientists who had created a biological weapon. A group of homegrown terrorists had heard chatter about it and had taken them hostage. So far none of the scientists had cracked, but SHIELD was afraid it was only a matter of time until that happened. SHIELD was on scene, but they wanted the Avengers on hand in case this got ugly. They were set up in an underground bunker that was lined with enough c4 to take out the whole small town they were hiding under.</p>
<p>            When Tony heard underground, he felt his blood run cold.<br/>            “J,” Tony whispered hoarsely.<br/>            “I heard Sir.”<br/>Tony took a deep breath. “Ready the armor J. I need to be near, just in case. It sounds like this might be it.”<br/>            “Your armor is ready to use Sir.”<br/>Tony nodded at the nearest camera then stepped forward and allowed the armor to surround him. JARVIS opened the door for him, and he flew out and into the sky.<br/>            “JARVIS, make sure Clint doesn’t pick me out on his radar.” Tony instructed. “Make sure SHIELD doesn’t either.”<br/>            “No one will see you coming Sir.” JARVIS assured him.</p>
<p>            Tony listened to the team strategize, not saying much, not wanting to distract them. Tony was also listening in on SHIELD’s comms. They were trying to negotiate the release of the scientists, hoping if they could get them out, the terrorists wouldn’t risk detonating the biological weapon. As he got more intelligence on the situation, Tony felt his fear receding. This didn’t sound like the situation Maggie had told him about. In fact, it sounded increasingly like whatever agent was supposed to be handling this had jumped the gun with calling in the Avengers.</p>
<p>Fury was on the line now too and he didn’t sound happy. They ended up deciding since they were already almost there, that the Avengers would land and be on hand. The c4 that was supposed to be there, didn’t sound like it was. From the chatter it sounded like the scientists worked for a private security company that was contracted with the DOD and that they might have taken back control. Tony couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. It sounded like Fury was going to have a fun conversation with the Director with the DOD to look forward to. Tony touched down three miles from where the Quinjet was. Tony stayed in his hiding place long enough to make sure the situation was under control and that the Avengers wouldn’t be needed. The team left about forty-five minutes after he did. He couldn’t help but smile hearing the group complain about being called out for nothing. When everyone got back to the tower, Tony was in the lounge where they left him, working on his tablet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next two weeks Tony settled into a sort of pattern. The Avengers were needed twice more and Tony went out with them once, without them knowing, of course. Tony had gotten a call from Rhodey last week, saying that his leave had been delayed for a week, so Tony was expecting him any day now.  Rhodey had missed Halloween with everyone. They had done a Children’s Hospital Charity event during the day, showing up suited up, then went home to binge watch some terrible old school horror movies (they didn’t contain a bunch of gore, which was something none of them were particularly interested in, considering their day jobs) and snacked on candy and popcorn. They all pretty much ended up falling asleep in the lounge during one movie or another.</p>
<p>            Tony was settled in his workshop, playing fetch with Dummy. The bot was excitedly chasing the tennis ball around the shop, not watching where he was going. Tony was going to have a mess to clean up when they were done. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. He hadn’t spent a lot of time with any of the bots over the past six months. He wasn’t in the right place to do so. So, he was trying to make up for some of that now. Tony took the ball he was offered, taking the time to run a gentle hand over Dummy’s touch strip. He tossed the ball again, watching it bounce away and Dummy trundled after it. He smiled as he watched him go. Tony stood from his chair at his table, stretched out his back and got a bottle of water from the fridge. He threw the ball again, when Dummy brought it to him. Dummy was returning to him when the Avenger’ alarm went off.<br/>            “JAR, get me Steve,” Tony said, putting his bottle down and straightening up.<br/>The AI didn’t respond, just connected him to Steve.<br/>            “Yeah Tony?” Steve’s voice filled the room.<br/>            “What do we have?”</p>
<p>There was a sigh and Tony could just picture the man running his hands through his hair. “It’s Hydra. They are in the Midwest. What they are doing there, we don’t know. A team of SHIELD agents found them, what they were doing, I don’t know either. Fury is going to brief us on the jet. But, from what I understand, they don’t know much either.”<br/>            “Steve, let me go with you. It’s Hydra. You’re going to need everyone for this.”<br/>Steve paused. His voice was reluctant when he spoke. “Tony, you still aren’t cleared.”<br/>            “You know all I needed to be cleared was five more pounds. I’m pretty sure I have that. I see the doctor next week.” Tony said softly. “Steve, please.”<br/>Steve sighed again. “I’m sorry Tony, I can’t. I know you are probably field ready, but you and I need to talk before you go back out.”<br/>            “Steve-” Tony started, but was cut off by Steve slightly sterner tone.<br/>            “I said no Tony. And I mean it.” His voice softened. “I know you want to help and I know you are probably ready, but if you got hurt… Tony… When we get back, you can start training with the team again. We’ll get you back in the field with us.”<br/>Tony didn’t say anything for a long moment, then he let out a sigh of his own. “I’m not going to convince you and I don’t want you going into a fight with Hydra distracted. Alright. But we are addressing this as soon as you get back.”<br/>            “Thank you, Tony. I don’t like this any more than you do. Will you be on comms?”<br/>Tony scoffed slightly. “You can’t make me get off them.”<br/>Steve laughed lightly, “If I can’t have you in the field with us, I wouldn’t want you anywhere else.”<br/> “Let me know when you are close. I’ll start hacking my way in. Get you all the intel I can.”<br/>            “Thanks Tony.”</p>
<p>            Tony motioned to Jarvis to mute him.<br/>            “Yes, Sir?”<br/>            “Okay, as soon as they are gone J, I’m suiting up and following them. This is it. I can feel it. I have to be there.” Tony’s voice was grim, body tense.<br/>There was a pause then he asked softly, “Are you sure Sir?”<br/>            “As sure as I can be J.”<br/>            “Well then Sir, I will be with you until the very end,” the AI declared.<br/>Tony smiled at the camera. His voice was a whisper. “I know you will be buddy.”</p>
<p>            Tony listened over the comms as the team all got ready and left in the Quinjet. As soon as Clint had them in the air, Fury started on the debriefing. Tony listened carefully but it was like Steve had expected, they didn’t know much. When the debriefing was over and Fury was off the line, the team started talking to each other, working out a strategy. Tony pet his bots gently, speaking to them softly before turning and leaving the workshop.<br/>            “Take care of them for me, huh J?” Tony said tightly.<br/>            “Of course, I will Sir.”</p>
<p>            Once Tony was on the roof, the suit assembled around him and he flew off. “Okay, JAR, let’s catch the team, but again, keep me off their radar. I don’t need an argument with Steve.”<br/>JARVIS just gave an affirmative hum. Tony focused on keeping his breathing and heart rate steady. He couldn’t have said how he knew, he just knew that this was it. Tony didn’t like the lack of information that they had about how many Hydra agents they were about to be up against. But there was nothing to be done about it. He had JARVIS hack into their security feed, but they didn’t have much in the way of cameras. He relayed that information to the team.<br/>            “The only cameras they seem to have is in their communication hub, which seems to be a locked room several levels below ground. However, JARVIS found a bit of a floor plan. It seems like there are at least four levels, all underground. There is what appears to be a warehouse on top. So far I haven’t managed to find something that would give us numbers of personnel. But from the size, I’m guessing there is going to be a lot.” Tony said, scanning the information JARVIS was sending across his HUD.<br/>There were several noises of acknowledgement. Tony asked JARVIS to put him through to Bucky.<br/>            “Hey Frosty. How are you doing?” Tony asked quietly.<br/>There was a pause, then Tony could hear him moving around slightly. “I’m doing okay. You know I always worry whenever we fight Hydra.”<br/>            “The triggers are gone. We made sure of that. They can’t control you anymore.”<br/>Bucky snorted. “I don’t know what this stuff is. That was all you.”<br/>            “Hey, that wasn’t all me. You did the hard part. I just gave you the tools to do it. How’s Steve?”<br/>            “He’s worried. Kinda like someone else I know.” Bucky said, voice light.<br/>Tony let out a little laugh in spite of himself.<br/>            “Besides, I know if something does happen, you and Steve and the rest of ‘em would come after me. That makes a world of difference Tiny.” Bucky paused, then continued in a softer voice. “I heard Stevie. When this is over you’re gonna start training with us again. It’s gonna be good having you back in the field with us. Doesn’t feel right going out without Iron Man.”<br/>Tony laughed hollowly. “Letting you guys go out without me was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And I built the first armor in a cave with scraps, so that’s saying something.”<br/>            “We’ll get you back training with the team, back in the armor and you’ll be out with us again in no time.” Bucky said.<br/>            “Yeah,” Tony whispered. “I’m looking forward to it.”</p>
<p>            There was so much he wanted to say, not only to Bucky, but to the entire team. To his family. He was both sad and incredibly glad that Rhodey hadn’t made it back in time. If he had, he’d be here and he didn’t want his brother seeing what was going to happen. Tony had every intention of saving both Bucky and himself, but if for some reason he couldn’t… Well, it was bad enough the rest of his family was going to see that. But he would have liked to hug his brother one last time. Heck, he would have liked to hug them all one last time. There was so much he wanted to say to them all, but he couldn’t say any of it in fear of them figuring out what was going on.</p>
<p>He had sat in his workshop one day last week, in blackout mode, something he hadn’t used in a while, and left them each a personal recording of everything he wanted to say to them. It wasn’t the same, not nearly as hearing it in person would have been, but it was better than nothing. He had broken down and truly cried for the first time in a long time. Not from panic or pain or whatever else, but from pure grief.</p>
<p>Tony forced his wandering thoughts away from that bleak day and back into the present. He couldn’t afford any distractions, not if he intended for both him and Bucky to survive this. So he switched back to the party line and started a light conversation with the group, trying to keep his mind off what was to come. As he was talking with them, he kept going through the information JARVIS was providing him with. He had JARVIS send it through to the others as well. He wanted everyone to have as much information as they could going into this fight.</p>
<p>Once the team was on the ground, Tony listened as Steve went over the plan one more time. “Alright everyone. We are splitting up. Clint and Nat, I want you both to head toward the control room. I want whatever they have here, when we leave, I want to take it with us. Sam, you’re with me. Thor and Bruce, you’re with Bucky. I realize once Hulk takes over that will probably change.”<br/>Tony heard Bruce’s little laugh.<br/>            “Tony, is there any more information you can give us?” Steve asked.<br/>Tony let out a breath and said quietly, “No, you know what I know.”<br/>            “Alright everyone. Here we go. See you all soon.”</p>
<p>            Tony waited until he was sure they were inside the building, and once JARVIS confirmed it, Tony took off. He switched to his private channel with the AI and said, “Let’s assess what we can from the outside. J, scan it.”<br/>            “Scanning now.”<br/>Tony listened with half an ear as the team reported on how their progress was going. So far they hadn’t encountered anyone, but they were now making their way underground and Tony was expecting that to change very rapidly. JARVIS brought up the scans on Tony’s HUD. The blueprints they had found matched up with what the scan was showing. Tony gave his full attention when he heard Thor’s slightly worried voice.<br/>            “Captain! Winter and I have been separated.” He reported. “I can hear Hulk, he’s smashing. We were swamped with foes. We had to separate to find cover. I still hear his weapon.”<br/>            “Affirmative.” Steve said tersely. “We haven’t encountered anyone yet. Winter, you there?”<br/>            “Yeah, I’m here Cap.” Bucky responded, gunfire sounding in the background. “They know who I am, and they are not happy to see me.”<br/>            “Widow, Hawkeye? Are you okay?”<br/>Natasha was breathing slightly heavily when she answered “We’ve only encountered eight so far. All have been dispatched.”</p>
<p>            “JARVIS, can you get me a line into their comms?” Tony asked. “Let’s see what they are talking about.”<br/>Tony was hovering above the building, not seeing any scouts but he didn’t want to be too far away in case he had to be in the building quickly. He still didn’t want to announce his presence. The last thing they needed was a distraction. It took several more minutes before JARVIS had managed to hack their comms. Tony listened as they relayed intel on where each of the Avengers were. The biggest target seemed to be Bucky. He listened to them talk for a minute, growing more and more alarmed.<br/>            “Winter!” He snapped.<br/>There was no reply from Bucky. Tony ignored the others for a minute. “Bucky, answer me!” He demanded.<br/>            “Iron Man, what’s going on?” Steve growled, the sounds of fighting coming over his comms. “Winter? Report!”<br/>Tony swore then replied, “They have a drug that they think will knock him, and you, out. They are operating under the assumption that we could have found a way to rid Bucky of the trigger words. They are going to execute him. But not just shoot him on sight. They are going to blow him and part of the building up.”<br/>No one spoke for what seemed to Tony like an eternity. Then he heard soft cursing. Tony breached the outside of the building and made his way quickly down to the first level. The first Hydra agent Tony came across, he shot in the face and stepped over his body. He wasn’t taking any prisoners. They had Bucky. Tony fought several more agents, managing them easily. JARVIS warned him they were talking about using an EMP weapon to disable the suit.<br/>            “It’s a good thing you and I took care of that pesky little problem, isn’t it J?” Tony asked lightly, before turning serious. “Steve, there’s something you need to know.”<br/>            “What is it, Tony?” Steve asked tersely.<br/>Tony took a breath, then said softly, “I’m here and I’m going after Bucky.”<br/>            “You’re what?” Steve demanded; anger clear in his voice. “What do you mean you’re here? I know we had this conversation before we left Tony.”<br/>            “Steve, now’s not the time. There will be all the time in the world for you to yell at me after,” Tony replied back, sorrow gripping him at the lie he was telling his friend. He didn’t want that to be one of the last things he said to his friend. “You need to concentrate on your fight. I’m getting Bucky.”<br/>Steve swore in his ear. Tony tuned out the rest of the team voicing their displeasure.<br/>            “JARVIS, mute them, I need to focus, unless it’s important. If it’s just them yelling at me, I don’t want to hear it.”<br/>            “Yes, Sir.”</p>
<p>            Tony made his way through the halls, trying to avoid as many agents as he could. He didn’t know how much time he had left, but he could feel that time was running out. He paused when he came to the end of the hallway. He could go left or right. He asked JARVIS to pull up the floor plan on the HUD again.<br/>            “Where is he?” Tony mumbled as his eyes traced the blue lines of the floor plan. “JARVIS, can you find his signal from my weapons? In fact, pull that up for all of them. I want to know where everyone is.”<br/>Six different colored dots showed up over the next few seconds. Tony desperately scanned them, but the one that denoted Bucky wasn’t there. Tony let out long breath, trying to slow his frantic heartbeat. His eyes ran over the levels again. On the lowest level, the far right corner, there was something off about it.<br/>            “JARVIS, are you seeing what I am? Is that corner shielded?”<br/>            “I believe it might be, Sir.”<br/>Tony paused as he thought over his options. If he went that direction, assuming Bucky is there, and he’s not, it could mean his death. But checking the rest of the building for him would be a waste of time, if that is where the other man is. Tony let out a long breath as he made his decision. Just as he was about to let JARVIS know what he decided the door to his right opened abruptly. Tony took less than a second to process the Hydra agent standing in the door. Before the other man could get over his shock, Tony punched him in the face. The man fell to the floor, out cold. Tony used his foot to shove the man back in the room and he closed the door.<br/>            “Alright J, level 3, right corner is our destination.” Tony said grimly.</p>
<p>            Tony made quick work of clearing the area around him of agents. It was different fighting exclusively on the ground and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. He could feel himself getting fatigued and he knew Steve had been right, he wasn’t ready to be back in the field, but this was Bucky. There was no other option. Tony asked JARVIS to put him back through to the team.<br/>            “I’ve figured out where Bucky is. I’m heading to him now. You are all on the other side of the building. None of you have made it this far to the right yet.” Tony announced, making sure he kept his voice strong. He didn’t want any of them to know how tired he was.<br/>            “Iron Man,” Steve’s voice cut across the chatter sharply. “You are not cleared to be here. You need to wait for backup.”<br/>Tony could hear the sounds of fighting from several different comm units and he had to shake his head slightly to clear it. Tony’s voice was soft when he replied, “We don’t know if there is time to wait. I don’t know how big the explosion will be. I don’t know if everyone in here is in the blast zone. Cap, we can’t risk it. I’m the closest.”<br/>            “I think you’re forgetting that you aren’t field ready!” Steve snapped.<br/>            “I haven’t forgotten anything.” Tony responded tightly.<br/>Before Steve could say anything, Sam cut in. “Okay. I think we can all agree this isn’t ideal, but the situation is what it is. Iron Man is in the best position to go after Winter. Everything else can be dealt with when we get out of here. Right now, the last thing we should be doing is fighting among ourselves.”<br/>            “Our shield brother is right,” Thor broke in. “While Iron Man disobeyed orders, he did so with good intentions. There will be time later for us to let him know of our displeasure.”<br/>            “Thanks, buddy,” Tony grumbled lightly, shaking his head. “I’m going after him now. Descending to level two.”<br/>            “Be careful,” Natasha said quietly. “If you get killed, I’m going to be very… Displeased with you.”<br/>Tony felt a fizzle of discomfort at the thought of Nat displeased with him but pushed that away to focus on what he was doing.</p>
<p>            Tony entered the stairwell, and found several agents waiting for him. He punched the first one, knocking him out. The next two got shot simultaneously. Both went down and didn’t get up. Tony simply tossed himself over the side of the staircase, landing in his customary position. He shot the two men who were down there shooting at him.<br/>            “Sir, they are aware that you are here.” JARVIS announced.<br/>Tony felt a moment of disappointment at losing the slight edge surprise gave him before he shook it off. There was no time for that. “Thanks Buddy. Let me know if they are planning to use EMP to disable the suit. It won’t shut it down, but it will slow me down for a few moments. I need to know if that is coming my way.”</p>
<p>            Tony consulted the blueprints again and grumbled quietly about them intentionally making this a labyrinth.<br/>            “I tell you Jar, there is only one reason to split stairways like this and that is to make life difficult.”<br/>Tony’s arm shot out and hit the agent off to his left with a repulsor blast. He looked into rooms as he passed, if the doors were open. Ideally, he’d like to be clearing all the rooms as he went, but there wasn’t time for that. He knew he was running out of time. He paused at another turn. There weren’t enough agents here. It was making him very uneasy. He knew they could be preoccupied with the others, but Tony was worried that wasn’t all it was. He was worried there was more to it than that. He was worried they were clearing out this side of the building. As he looked around, Tony caught sight of his first tripwire. Tony retracted the gauntlets and carefully disabled it. He moved on down the hall.</p>
<p>Tony got to the next stairwell and paused. He took a deep breath and was thankful that the suit didn’t allow him to shake. He was starting to feel the adrenaline dump. The only fear he felt was for Bucky. If he was dying today, well, he could be content with that. Tony pushed the door open and was forced back several steps by the barrage of gunfire. The bullets pinged and ricocheted off his armor harmlessly to him. As soon as there was a slight pause, Tony raised his gauntlets.<br/>            “My turn,” He said ruthlessly.<br/>Tony mowed down the ten agents, they were mostly unconscious, but Tony knew a few of them were probably dead, but he found himself unable to care. They tried not to kill, but, well, Hydra. They sealed their own fate. Tony jumped over the banister again, shooting the agents on the stairs. He forced himself to ignore the screaming. When he landed at the bottom, he made quick work of the few down there. He used the guns on his shoulders and left them behind injured enough that they weren’t getting back up. Before he moved on, he destroyed their guns for good measure.</p>
<p>            Tony picked up the pace, but had to stop for two more, crude, tripwires. They were trying to slow him down.<br/>            “JARVIS,” Tony said as he was deactivating the third. “How are the others doing?”<br/>There was a second’s pause and Tony zeroed in on that. His AI didn’t pause. “JARVIS!” He demanded.<br/>            “They are all fine Sir. There was a… situation, but Captain Rogers handled it.” JARVIS said smoothly.<br/>            “You’re not telling me something J. I don’t like it.”<br/>            “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. There is a lot that I’m not telling you right now. There is always a lot I don’t tell you. Might I recommend that you pay attention to what you are doing, unless you want to trigger the explosion? Which is what will happen if you cut that particular wire.”<br/>            “You are not amusing J,” Tony stated, sternly.<br/>The AI didn’t reply. Tony grumbled at him under his breath but realized that he was right; if he cut that wire, it would trigger the small bomb stuck to the wall. Tony made quick work of the last wire, then moved on. He pulled up the blueprints again. He didn’t know why he bothered; he had the route memorized. But he couldn’t stop himself. He did not like that he wasn’t seeing anyone anymore. Three hallways later, Tony stood outside the room Bucky was in. The door was metal, almost a foot thick, and wired with explosives. Tony cursed. He had no idea how much longer he had. Tony forced himself to calm down, took a deep breath and started to work on disconnecting the wires without blowing himself up. It took several heart stopping minutes, but then Tony cut the last wire. He traced the wires with his eyes again, making sure he didn’t miss anything.<br/>            “What do you think J? Are you seeing anything I missed?” Tony asked, still running his eyes over the connections.<br/>            “No, Sir. I do believe you are clear to enter the room.”<br/>Tony waited until his hands were encased in the gauntlets again, before opening the heavy metal door. Tony stepped into the darkened room and stopped, shocked at what he saw.</p>
<p>            Tony took a second to take in what he was seeing. In the center of the room was Bucky, strapped to the chair. He appeared to be unconscious. He wanted nothing more than to cross the room and feel for a pulse, but, there were a bunch more tripwires. Some of them he should be able to get around without disabling them, but others he would have to disable. Three in particular were causing him great concern. They were gas canisters and he had no way of knowing what was in them. If that bomb went off then the team would be dealing with a biological weapon. Tony had no way of knowing what the fallout from that would be. He had to disable the bomb. On the wall was a clock. He had ten minutes. Tony knew it wasn’t enough time. He ordered JARVIS to open the suit and he stepped out. He stuck a comm from the suit in his ear.<br/>            “I’m in with Bucky,” He announced. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk. “He’s strapped to a chair. There is a bomb connected to him, but several tripwires I have to disable before I can get to him. I should be able to move him once I get to him.”<br/>As Tony spoke he was already working on the first of the tripwires attached to a gas canister. “There are several potential biological agents down here. I don’t know what they are. It could be anything from a nerve agent to some air borne illness. We cannot risk letting that get out.”</p>
<p>            “We are on our way to you,” Sam said, breathing heavily.<br/>            “No, guys, you have to stay away.” Tony said. “I don’t know that I have enough time. I’m getting Bucky out. But you guys won’t have enough time to clear the building if you come down here. As soon as I can get Bucky out of the chair, I’m sending him up.”<br/>            “What do you mean, you’re sending him up?” Steve demanded.<br/>Tony could hear several pairs of footsteps running.<br/>            “Exactly what I just said. He’ll be fine.” Tony said, getting through the second tripwire. He looked at the ground closely, then started picking his way across the room carefully.<br/>            “Tony,” Clint whispered. “What are you doing?”<br/>            “Clint?” Natasha asked.<br/>            “Everyone needs to stop talking. I’m trying to focus here!” Tony demanded as he got closer to Bucky, who was starting to come around. “Bucky’s starting to come around.”</p>
<p>            Tony was slightly aware of the team chattering to each other, Clint telling them that he didn’t think Tony was planning on leaving, which just caused a lot of drama on the comms. Tony tried to cut one of the bindings holding Bucky in place and he got shocked for his efforts. Tony felt the volts rush through him and bit back a cry as his heart jumped. He felt guilt rip through him as he heard Bucky moan slightly. Tony saw he wasn’t fully awake. Tony could hear the team calling his name, but he ignored them. He studied the straps closely, working out how to detach them. It was going to take a few precious minutes that he didn’t have. Tony had looked at the bomb that was going to take several steps. He glanced at the clock. Six minutes. Tony worked as fast as he could to get Bucky out of the chair. Tony was still ignoring the others as he worked.<br/>            “Tony!” Steve yelled and Tony jumped, once again getting shocked.<br/>            “JARVIS, mute!” Tony snapped, even as he went back to getting Bucky free with trembling hands. When the last strap was free Tony ordered “J, cover him as much as you can and get him out of here.”</p>
<p>            Tony watched as his armor surrounded Bucky. Just as the faceplate lowered over Bucky’s face, Tony saw awareness come back into those blue eyes. There was a slight pause, the super soldier clearly struggling with the armor. Tony could hear Bucky yelling, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying. With one last glance, Tony turned back to the bomb, ordering softly “JARVIS go. Quickest route out. Let the team know we are on the way out.”<br/>            “We, Sir?” JARVIS asked quietly.<br/>Tony nodded and answered just as quietly, hands working quickly over the wires. “Yeah, we. That’s the only way they are leaving. The fact is, I couldn’t have gotten both myself and Bucky out. The only chance he has is if you take him straight up. I couldn’t have done that carrying him and he wasn’t aware enough to hold on. Keep Bucky off the comms until you are out.”</p>
<p>            Tony glanced up at the clock again. Ninety seconds. Tony pushed himself to work a little faster. One more part disarmed. Tony looked at the clock again. Forty five seconds. He started working on the next part. This was one of the most intricate bombs he had ever seen, and for Tony Stark, that was saying something. He looked at the clock. Twenty seconds. Tony let out a long breath. It was over. He sagged against the chair Bucky was strapped in.<br/>            “You there, J?” Tony asked quietly.<br/>            “For you, Sir, always.” JARVIS answered just as quietly.<br/>            “I’m going to miss you buddy. Take care of the Avengers, would you?”<br/>There was pause, that to Tony, felt like an eternity before his friend answered. There was more emotion in the voice than Tony knew he was capable of and he felt a flash of pride.<br/>            “Of course, I will help the Avengers in any way I can… Can I just say Sir, it has been both an honor and a privilege knowing you, serving you.”<br/>            “The privilege has been mine, J. You have taught me as much, if not more than I have taught you.”<br/>Tony watched the clock tick down… Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six… Five… Tony looked away from the clock and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>            His eyes snapped open when something soft wrapped around him and jerked him to the side. He saw a man in a long blue tunic and brown leather boots… Levitating all the bombs through a sparkling orange portal. When dark eyes met his, the other man smirked and said, “I guess she didn’t see me coming, did she?”<br/>Tony had no idea what to say. “Who are you?”<br/>            “I’m Doctor Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme. I preside over all magic and protect the multiverse from magical and metaphysical threats.” The man said.<br/>Tony shifted slightly and the cloth that was holding him finally let him go. He saw it was a red cloak. It flew over to settle on Dr. Strange’s shoulders.<br/>            “Sir,” JARVIS said in his ear. “The team is demanding to know what is going on. I think you should take them off mute.”<br/>Tony was still watching the other man warily but answered quietly, “Yeah, J. Do that.”<br/>Immediately Tony was bombarded by his team all demanding to know if he was okay and what was going on. Tony felt dread fill him when he heard his Honeybear’s voice in the mix. Tony looked up again when he caught sight of orange out of the corner of his eye. The… sorcerer had opened another portal. Through it he could see his team.<br/>            “I think we should step through. I’m sure everyone would like answers.” Stephen said.<br/>All Tony could manage was a nod. He felt numb. He took a deep breath and stepped through the portal, not ready to face what was coming.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony looked around at the people surrounding him. Everyone was accounted for. Natasha, Sam and Steve were all a little bloodied, but they seemed to be fine. Bruce was Bruce and Rhodey was standing there, glaring at him. His armor was standing slightly apart from the group and Bucky was no longer in it. This was not good. He didn’t really prepare for this. Tony glanced at the man beside him. He was standing to his right, looking completely calm. Tony looked closer at him and felt his eyes widen.<br/>           “You’re Stephen Strange, the neurosurgeon who disappeared about two years ago,” Tony said softly.<br/>Strange looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. “I’m surprised you remember me.”<br/>Tony nodded. But before he could say anything else, they were surrounded by the rest of his team. He was shocked when he felt someone land a smack on the back of his head. He turned to find Bucky glaring at him. The rest of the team fell silent, watching to see what would happen. Tony noticed idly that no one seemed concerned for his safety with Bucky glaring at him like that.<br/>           “What were you thinkin’?” Bucky growled, as he leaned forward and stuck his face in Tony’s.<br/>Tony shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I was thinking I was saving your life. You wouldn’t have survived.”<br/>Tony rocked back on his heels again when Bucky poked him in the shoulder, hard. “You wouldn’t have survived that! I never wanted ya to do somethin’ like that for me!”<br/>Tony’s voice was quiet when he said, “Wouldn’t you have done the same?”<br/>Before Bucky could answer, Steve cut in. “We can discuss that later.” Steve leveled a hard look at Tony. “And we will be, but I want to know who you are.”</p>
<p>           Doctor Strange took a step forward and addressed everyone. “I will explain as much as I can, but maybe we should do this away from here?”<br/>Steve frowned, looked back at the partially collapsed building behind them and nodded. “SHIELD is already on the way. They can take it from here.”<br/>           “I should probably fly back,” Tony said lightly. “Make sure nothing got knocked loose on the armor.”<br/>“You take one step that isn’t in the direction of the Quinjet and I swear Tony, I will shoot you in the leg, toss you over my shoulder and carry you on.” Clint narrowed his eyes and the fingers of his left hand twitched slightly.<br/>           “While that might not have been the way I would have phrased it,” Steve injected calmly. “You are not flying yourself back in your suit.”<br/>Tony met Steve’s eyes. He could see the anger there and knew it was better not to fight this. So, he simply nodded his head and followed Steve’s lead onto the Quinjet. Clint slid into the pilot’s seat and Natasha the one beside it. Everyone else found seats, Rhodey sitting next to Tony once the War Machine armor was stored next to the Iron Man armor. Bucky took the one on Tony’s other side while Doctor Strange sat across from him with Steve. Sam, Bruce and Thor settled in around them. No one said anything until they were in the air and several dozen miles away from the site. Tony felt their expectations weighing on him. He had no idea what he was going to say. Once Clint and Nat turned their chairs to face them, Tony knew it was time to talk. He looked to Doctor Strange and said, “I think it might be best if I start. As much as I’d like to know how you ended up there, it’ll just raise a bunch of questions for everyone else.”<br/>The man just nodded his head.</p>
<p>           Tony took a deep breath, but before he started, he looked at Rhodey.<br/>           “What were you doing there? I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow at the earliest.”<br/>Tony struggled not to fidget under Rhodey’s intense gaze. “I tried calling you, when I couldn’t contact you, I contacted JARVIS and he told me what was happening. He put me through to Steve, who I told I was incoming. He was glad to have the help.”<br/>Tony nodded, not commenting on that. He raked a hand through his hair. “You all were right, when we went to that carnival and you thought something was wrong. I met a psychic of all things there.”<br/>Clint cut in with a soft exclamation. “Are you kidding me? Psychics?”<br/>Tony shot him a look and said dryly, “Trust me, Legolas, I know.” Tony paused. When he continued his voice was soft, far away. “She dropped something, and I picked it up for her. When I handed it back, our fingers brushed. She got a vision of SI’s stock increasing, the exact amount. She would have had no way to know that, so I went inside with her. She pointed out the logical fallacy that I would believe in Norse gods and magic but not precognition. I can’t say she was wrong. So, she predicted four things for me.” Tony stopped again when Rhodey drew in a sharp breath. Tony looked at him to see his eyes closed. Tony couldn’t help the flinch when the other man breathed, “Oh, Tones.”</p>
<p>Tony carefully didn’t meet the other’s eyes. He knew, from Rhodey’s reaction, that he had put together what had happened. He didn’t want to know if the others did. That would make what was coming too hard. Tony took a deep breath and continued his story. “The first was a fire in my worship. She described what I would be working on at the time, neither of which she should have had any idea about. One, only JARVIS and I knew about. There was no way she could have known about it.” Tony trailed off again.<br/>“If I may interrupt for a minute.” Stephen said. “I know it might not mean much now, but you encountered a genuine psychic and I believe she honestly thought she was giving you a gift. At least at first.”<br/>Tony just nodded. He listened to the others ask questions of both him and the sorcerer for several seconds before he started to speak again in a slightly raised voice. “The next prediction was when I was with Bucky in the city. Someone knocked into me. I fell into Bucky and he fell on the ground. He yelled at me and Bucky put him in his place.”<br/>Tony looked down when he felt Bucky place his hand on his forearm. In a quiet voice Bucky said “I remember that. You looked so frightened. I’ve seen you stare down the barrel of a gun without the armor and show no fear. You went toe to toe with the Winter Soldier and didn’t so much as flinch. I couldn’t understand why you looked so afraid. Even without the armor you could have taken that kid, not that I would have let him touch you again.”<br/>When Bucky looked up and met Tony’s eyes, Tony knew the other man was starting to put it together. He could see the sadness in Bucky’s blue eyes. Tony felt a thrill of fear at what the other man was going to feel when he heard the end. The genius hated himself for it, but he felt the telltale sting in his eyes and Bucky’s flared with alarm. They were sitting so none of the others had seen what Bucky had, and Tony shook his head very slightly, silently pleading with the other man not to say anything. Bucky squeezed his arm gently and Tony leaned back in his own seat again, his eyes dry.</p>
<p>           “So that was the second one.” Tony rushed on. “The third one, again, she should have had no way of knowing about. It was of Pepper and I arguing over a contract for SI. It’s a project only a handful of people know about and we are the only two in America who do. The others are in Africa.”<br/>There was a tense silence in the cabin as Tony trailed off. He looked up and met Steve’s eyes for the first time since starting this. The blonde’s face was expressionless. Tony wasn’t sure if that was good or not. He glanced at Sam, Bruce and Thor. They looked concerned for him, each of them was smart enough to realize that what was coming next wasn’t good even if they hadn’t put it together like Rhodey and Bucky had. Tony was pretty sure Steve had an idea of what was coming as well. Tony darted a quick look at Nat and Clint. They both were expressionless as well. Tony sighed softly, completely spent. It was just starting to register that they were both alive, that he and Bucky had both survived. For over half a year Tony had believed that he was going to die to save Bucky. Tony clenched his jaw, biting down on the inside of his cheek. He took a chunk of tissue out and blood immediately filled his mouth. Tony grimaced at the taste and swallowed it. The blood didn’t help his rolling stomach.<br/>           “Tony?” Steve asked softly.</p>
<p>           Tony shook his head and forced himself to continue. He couldn’t hide the way his voice shook though. “She gave me one more. She said usually she didn’t tell people how their lives were going to end, even if she saw it. But she wanted to give me the chance, since I would have a choice. I could save Bucky but die doing it, or I could have done nothing and been fine but Bucky would have died.” Tony looked at Bucky and flinched at the look on his face and pleaded softly, “I couldn’t let you die. Please, tell me you understand that. That’s not a choice I could make. As far as I was concerned, there was no choice.”<br/>Tony jumped when a hand fell on his right shoulder. He looked at Bucky for a second longer, sure that he would never get the look of pain, regret and anger out of his mind before turning to look at his brother. His brother’s expression wasn’t any easier to take. It was filled with pain and sorrow.<br/>           “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell them?” Rhodey whispered.<br/>Tony shook his head. “I couldn’t. She said if I told anyone, the whole team would die. They would come after us both and… Everyone would die. I couldn’t… I can’t lose them. Can’t lose you. Not like that. Not when the price was my life. I’ll gladly pay that. But your lives, that’s not a cost I’ll pay.”<br/>           “You think that’s a cost we want to pay?” Steve burst out.<br/>Tony’s head whipped around to look at him. There was no mistaking the look on his face right now. It was fury. Sam reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but was shrugged off. Tony watched as he got up and stalked to the far side of the Quinjet, where he paced like a caged predator. Tony didn’t say anything as an uncomfortable silence fell over the group. He took comfort in Rhodey’s hand on his shoulder and leaned into it just a bit. He felt Rhodey squeeze it in response. It didn’t take Steve long to get his temper back under control. A few minutes later he came back over and sat down. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.<br/>           “I’m sorry I lost my temper,” He said quietly, as he looked around the group, then his eyes met Tony’s. “You and I are going to talk about this when we get home.”<br/>Tony just nodded, knowing that Steve preferred to reprimand in private where he could. And Tony completely understood where he was coming from a leadership position. But just because he could understand it, didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.</p>
<p>           Clint spoke up, breaking the oppressive quiet that fell over them. “That’s why you went on that trip, right? I know I heard Pepper saying something about it not having been scheduled at that point or something.”<br/>           “Yeah. That’s why I pushed the trip up. I wasn’t sure when stuff was going to happen, so I had to get those contracts set up. I had to do everything I could to ensure I set up SI as best as I could for the coming years. I had to take care of my people.” Tony responded.<br/>           “Take care of your people…” Sam whispered, before saying louder. “That’s what that workshop binge of yours, the one you nearly killed yourself with, was about. That’s why you upgraded our gear all at once.”<br/>           “That’s what caused the… Incident in the tower,” Bruce added quietly. “It was after your meeting with Pepper, the last prediction before today.”<br/>All Tony did was nod. There wasn’t much more he could say, not all in a group like this. He knew he would be having private conversations with almost all of them in the coming days.<br/>           “Perhaps now I could say my piece. I have somewhere else I have to be soon,” Stephen Strange spoke up mildly.<br/>           “How did you end up there?” Rhodey said. “Not that I’m complaining.”<br/>Strange smiled thinly before he started talking. “Maggie reached out to me almost three hours ago. She agonized over what to do. You have to understand there is a natural order to things and you can’t mess with it. There is too much that can go wrong. But she felt like she couldn’t just do nothing. So, she contacted me. I used an artifact called the Eye of Agamotto to look into the future, all possible futures, and the ones where we do the best, are quite frankly, the ones where we have Tony Stark in them. In one of the futures you are described by someone, and no I will not tell you who, as the Earth’s best defender. We need you. You are one of the few people who has ever lived, that is irreplaceable on a grand scale.” Strange paused to let that sink in. “So, I balanced out the repercussions of saving your life against the repercussions of letting you die and decided that they were far worse if I was to allow you to die.”<br/>Tony met Stephen’s eyes and he felt his own widen. His voice was a whisper when he said, “You know.”<br/>           “His name is Thanos and you are needed for that fight.” Stephen said gravely. “But that is all I can say.”<br/>           “Thanos,” Tony breathed, trembling. He clenched his jaw and continued darkly, “He’s haunted me for five years now. It’s good to have a name. I’ve known he’s been coming since I went through that wormhole. We’ll be ready for him. Will you stand with us when he comes?”<br/>Stephen looked at him for a long moment before he nodded once. “The ones like me and I will stand with you against him Tony Stark.”<br/>Tony nodded solemnly. The other man stood up and stretched. “I have to be going, I have a class of students to terrorize. The other masters will not be happy if I leave them waiting and they have to deal with the results of that waiting.” The sorcerer waved his hand, making another orange sparking portal appear. He reached in and pulled a small card out. He handed it to Tony. Tony looked at it and saw it was a business card. On the front was 177A Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village with a phone number. “I can be reached there.” Doctor Strange nodded at everyone before he stepped through the portal. Before it closed the team got a glimpse of an Asian man in what looked like a long maroon and black tunic.</p>
<p>           “Did that really just happen?” Clint asked, finally breaking the silence.<br/>Tony let out a slight, disbelieving laugh and the spell was broken. Everyone started talking at once. Finally, Steve let out a sharp whistle and the team fell silent. His voice left on room for argument when he spoke.<br/>           “When we get home, take showers. We will order something for dinner and then we will debrief where we will talk about what happened and nothing else. After that, I want to see you, Tony, in my office. We will proceed from there. If you can, try to get some rest. Questions?”<br/>No one said anything. Steve nodded, laid his head back and closed his eyes. Tony darted a look to the two men on either side of him. Bucky had followed Steve’s lead and was sitting with his head back and his eyes closed. Rhodey was still studying him. Tony looked at Clint and Nat who went back to the controls. They were talking quietly among themselves. Bruce had settled into meditation; he was slightly green around the edges. Thor and Sam were talking quietly, both looking serious. Tony finally sagged back against his own chair. Through it all, Rhodey hadn’t let go of his shoulder.</p>
<p>           Tony woke slowly. He wasn’t sure what had woken him when he felt someone squeezing his shoulder again. He opened his eyes and looked up into Rhodey’s face. His brother was watching him closely.<br/>           “You’ve been asleep for over two hours. We’ll be landing in a few minutes.” The War Machine pilot said quietly.<br/>Tony nodded his thanks, then scrubbed his hands over his face tiredly. Now that everything was over all he wanted to do was sleep for a week, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Clint set them down on top of the tower expertly. Tony waited until everyone but him and Rhodey had left before asking JARVIS to take both armors to the shop to make sure they didn’t need work before going back out again. As soon as the armors cleared the Quinjet, Tony made his own exit, Rhodey right behind him. Tony shot him a look and said, “I’ll see you shortly, Gumdrop.”</p>
<p>Rhodey studied him and as always, Tony had the feeling he saw more than Tony was comfortable with. His voice was quiet when he said “It’s going to be rough, but it’ll be okay. When you are done with Steve, I’d like to talk to you too. Do not disappear to your workshop. You have to face this Tony, now. Don’t let this fester. It’ll be okay. I’ll see you soon, Tones.”<br/>Tony watched the other man go, then turned to go to his own floor, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. He didn’t want to risk seeing anyone else, but he could also use the time to clear his head. He needed to go into the debriefing with a clear head.</p>
<p>As he showered the thought about what was going to happen next. He never expected there to be an after for him and now that there was, he found himself floundering again. He knew there was going to be repercussions for going into the field before he was cleared, but he wasn’t sure what Steve was going to do about it. He couldn’t imagine Steve knew what he was going to do about it. He could see in the team’s eyes there was a loss of trust there and that cut him deeply. Tony forced his thoughts away from that, he would process that later, alone. He didn’t have time for the emotions that were going to come with that.</p>
<p>Tony was the first one in the large office they used for Avengers business. He took his customary seat, leaned back and closed his eyes. He was tired and not just physically. Now that it was over, he finally realized just how much stress he had been under. Just how afraid he was. He opened his eyes when he heard someone else enter the room. Sam was standing just inside the door, studying him. Tony offered a small smile to the other man, and Sam shook his head.<br/>“You look exhausted,” Sam said, as he took his own chair.<br/>Tony hummed slightly. “I really am. I didn’t realize how much everything was weighing on me. Now that it’s over, not only do I feel lighter, I’m also completely drained.”<br/>Sam didn’t say anything for almost a full minute. He studied the top of the table and sighed. “I get why you did what you did. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing. I hate that rationally I know it wasn’t because you don’t trust us, but that’s what it feels like. I think a lot of the team feels like that.” Sam looked up at Tony. “It’s going to take some time to get over that. But we will. I’m sorry you were put in that position.”<br/>Tony wasn’t sure what to say to that. Before he could come up with something the other members of the team filed in. Rhodey dropped into the seat across from him. The man’s normally straight posture was slightly slouched, which told Tony just how tired the man was. Tony returned the smile Rhodey gave him, then he turned his attention onto Steve.</p>
<p>           Steve was sitting at the head of the table, elbows on the tabletop, patiently waiting for everyone to find seats. When Nat sat down, she was the last in the room, he started.<br/>           “Okay. It’s been a long day. Let’s get what to order for dinner out of the way so we can place the order.”<br/>Bruce looked around at everyone and said “I don’t think anyone is the in mood for something heavy. Why don’t we do subs and soup?”<br/>There was a general mummer of agreement, so everyone placed their order for soup and a sub or two with JARVIS who placed the order.</p>
<p>           Steve sighed. He led them through the familiar routine of dissecting the mission, what they did well and what they can improve upon for the next time. He took notes in his own brand of shorthand for the official report he would file. Everyone else’s would be filed with his. He told them he wanted their reports in forty-eight hours. He asked them what they felt like they needed to work on as a team and individually to become stronger as a team. They tossed ideas around until their food arrived. Once everyone had their food, the talk turned to lighter subjects. Once they were done with dinner, they finished their meeting. Before they broke up Steve asked if anyone had any questions. There were several looks at Tony, but no one said anything, so Steve dismissed them with a quiet, “Good work today.”</p>
<p>           Tony stood when Steve did. They walked silently to his office. The silence wasn’t a comfortable one like it usually was. When they got to Steve’s office, Steve shut the door behind them. He started the coffee machine. While Steve was doing that, Tony took a seat in one of the chairs in front of Steve’s desk. When Steve turned around, he paused, and Tony was confused at the look on his face.<br/>           “Tony, we aren’t doing this there. Have a seat over there,” Steve motioned toward the seating area. “This is going to be uncomfortable enough for both of us, I’m not making it harder than it has to be.”<br/>Tony was grateful for the compassion the other man was showing, but part of him didn’t feel like he deserved that kindness. Not now, not seeing the look on Steve’s face. But he got up and moved without a word. The last thing he wanted to do was make this harder than it was. When Steve came to join him, he was carrying two large mugs of coffee. He set both down on the coffee table, then settled in beside Tony on the sofa.</p>
<p>           Tony offered a quiet “Thank you” then waited for Steve to speak. Letting the other man gather his thoughts. Steve took a sip from his own mug, put it back down, then turned slightly to face Tony.<br/>           “I know it would have been more professional to be sitting over there,” Steve started, motioning to his desk. “But, this isn’t just about professionalism. I can’t just be professional right now. I’m having trouble separating the leader from the friend.”<br/>Tony wasn’t sure what to say when Steve paused, so he simply picked up his coffee and took a sip. The warmth against his hands was comforting and the heat helped his chest. He waited patiently for Steve to continue.</p>
<p>           “The part of me that is your friend is horrified that you lived with that knowledge for over half a year. Looking back some of your behavior is making sense. Can you tell me what it was like for you?” Steve leaned toward Tony slightly.<br/>Tony thought about it for a moment before he answered. “Mostly, I was afraid. Not of my own death, but of yours, the team’s. You could never do what we do if you haven’t accepted your own death to a degree. I wanted to tell you what was going on so bad it was a physical ache. But I was so afraid that if I did, I’d be condemning us all. I was terrified that, regardless of what Maggie said, that I wouldn’t be enough to save Bucky.” Tony set down his mug as his hands began to shake. He leaned back against the sofa, those same fears resurfacing. “I didn’t really think about after. From the first prediction coming true, I accepted that there would be no after for me. It was heartbreaking for me thinking about trusting someone else with the team’s gear, with all of your safety. I’m the best at what I do and the thought of the people I love having subpar gear… Well, that triggered more than one panic attack for me.”</p>
<p>           Tony started when Steve touched his shoulder. He was so lost in those thoughts and feelings he hadn’t even seen the blonde move. Tony relaxed as Steve ran his thumb soothingly back and forth on his upper arm. Tony knew this had to be hurting the other man. He was never one to stand for his friends being in pain. He especially hated it when there was nothing he could do to relieve that pain.</p>
<p>           “Intellectually I understand why you didn’t tell me, emotionally I’m struggling with it a little bit.” Steve broke the silence softly. “But I need you to understand something.” Steve gripped Tony’s shoulder a little tighter and Tony nodded. “Losing you would not have been easier for me to deal with than losing Bucky. I know you Anthony Stark and I know you were thinking that. You’re wrong. I don’t want to lose either of you. Losing either of you would be devastating. Losing any of the team would be devastating, but you two, Bucky’s my brother, like Rhodey’s yours. You all know that. But Tony, you are…” Steve trailed off and Tony let him gather his thoughts in peace. “After the Chitauri invasion, when I came back from my road trip… Tony, you saved me. You showed me there were things worth living for in this century. That I could have a life, and that it didn't just have to be as… What did you call me? Captain Facepunch? That’s when I truly thought I could have something. And you invited me into your life, even though we didn’t get off to the best start-”<br/>Tony cut him off here. His voice was scolding. “Steve, we’ve talked about that. It was the Scepter. It wasn’t us, not really. Sure, it took some of what we were already feeling and amplified it. Our first meeting would never have gone like that without the Scepter.”</p>
<p>           Steve smiled at him, but Tony couldn’t help but notice that it was kind of sad. “Tony, you are far too quick to forgive those you love.” Steve shook his head. His voice was stronger when he spoke again. “But, that’s not what we are here for. I understand why you didn’t say anything about the prediction. Not if you thought we were all going to die. I would have done the same thing. I think any of us would have. I can’t fault you for that. You were placed in a no win situation. And I can understand why you disobeyed orders and went out today. Again, you didn't have much choice. However, Tony, I’m benching you for an additional two months.” Steve paused, but Tony didn’t say anything, just motioned for him to continue.<br/>           “I need you to understand that this isn’t a punishment. I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t say I understand why you did what you did and that I would have done the same thing, then turn around and take disciplinary measures against you.” Steve said earnestly. “I could hear how much strain you were under. Physically I think you need more time in the suit, more time in training with us, before you are field ready.”<br/>Tony smiled slightly. “Steve, you were worried about my reaction for nothing. I completely agree, I’m not happy about it, but I agree. I haven’t regained all my strength. The battle was far more taxing than I was expecting. I need more time. And if the situation wasn’t what it was, I never would have gone out before I was ready.”<br/>           “I’m expecting you to start training with the team again. I understand that you have other obligations, but we will work around your schedule so you can train with us five out of our six days. If we can work it out that we get six out of six, even better.” Steve instructed.<br/>Tony laughed. “You keep sounding like you’re waiting for me to disagree. I love training with you. I love being part of the team. Steve, yes, I’ll go head to head with you when it’s needed, but we’re on the same page here. I’m not going to argue with you just for the sake of arguing with you.”<br/>Steve shot him a look and Tony shook his head. “Okay,” he corrected. “I’m not going to right now. You cannot tell me you don’t enjoy it too.”<br/>Steve didn’t answer, just sagged against the back of the sofa. Tony copied his position. The two men relaxed in the easy comfort their friendship offered.</p>
<p>           They drank their coffee and Tony got up to get them both refills. When they were on their second cup, Steve broke the silence.<br/>           “Are you and Rhodey going to be okay?”<br/>Tony looked up, slightly surprised at the concerned tone. “Yeah, we are going to be fine. He’s not happy. I don’t think anyone is happy right now, but his is from concern. He knows me better than anybody alive. The only person who might have known me better was Jarvis.” Tony shot a sly look at Steve. “Though you and Bucky are catching on pretty quick.” Tony got serious again. “He knows what this would have been like for me. He knows how my mind works. I’m just thankful that he never learned about what happened at the tower, although I’m sure he’s going to ask about it. I hate knowing that I worried him. But our friendship has survived worse than this. I have put him through so much hell over the years. I know he has people in his life who tell him his life would be easier if I wasn’t a part of it. I can’t even say they are wrong. It would be easier.”<br/>           “Just because it might be easier, doesn’t mean it would be better. That man loves you.” Steve bumped his shoulder into Tony’s.<br/>Tony smiled back weakly. “I’m more worried about Bucky. I know how I would feel if the reverse was the case. I would hate it. I’d be angry and sad and so frustrated. You know him the best. Is this something he can work through?”<br/>Steve thought about it for a few seconds. “Once you have Bucky’s loyalty, it’s pretty hard to get rid of. I don’t think this is enough for him to throw a friendship, one that means a lot to him, by the way, away.”<br/>Tony felt the last of the tension drain out of his shoulders. “I don’t need easy, Steve. I just need possible. I fix things, that’s what I do. But this isn’t a situation where I can make the impossible happen. I wouldn’t force my presence on him if he didn’t want anything to do with me.”<br/>           “Let’s call it a night.” Steve said. “Rhodey’s waiting for you. As far as I’m concerned you and I are fine.”<br/>Tony’s voice was hoarse when he replied, “Thank you Steve.”<br/>           “When you’re done, try to get some sleep. Tomorrow’s a new day.”<br/>Tony smiled at him, squeezed Steve’s forearm lightly, then left to find Rhodey.</p>
<p>           Tony took his time getting to Rhodey’s suite. He needed the time to steady his emotions. The end of the conversation with Steve left him more choked up than he wanted to admit. But the coming conversation, well, he wouldn’t be surprised if there were tears. When he felt steady enough he knocked on the door. It opened.<br/>           “Living room!” Came Rhodey’s shout.<br/>When Tony entered the room, Rhodey wasn’t there, but he did smell something coming from the kitchen. He stuck his head in there to see Rhodey dishing up two bowls  of Mama Rhodes’ famous gumbo. Tony felt his mouth start to water.<br/>           “Since you didn’t go to the living room, you can get us something to drink. I’ve got lemonade in the fridge. Bring us both a glass.”<br/>Tony got the requested beverage, feeling a swell of affection for his friend. Ever since Tony quit drinking Rhodey hasn’t had a drink around him since. At a quick glance, Tony discovered he didn’t even have beer in his fridge. When he got to the living room, he set the glasses down on the coffee table. Before he could say anything Rhodey pointed a finger at him and said sternly, “Do not make it weird.”<br/>Tony just shook his head. “Not saying a word.”<br/>           “Make sure you don’t. Eat your soup. You still haven’t put all your weight back on. If Mama could see you now…”<br/>Tony laughed lightly. “I’m pretty sure she’d come after me with her wooden spoon.”<br/>           “You were introduced to it late in life, but you learned to fear the wooden spoon.” Rhodey said with a grin.<br/>           “The first time you shook that thing at me I thought you were out of your mind.” Tony laughed.<br/>Rhodey shook his head. “You had scared me to death. You came home at three in the morning, trashed out of your mind. I did what I figured my Mama would have done.”<br/>Tony looked at him, eyes narrowed slightly. “What would you have done if I didn’t comply?”<br/>Rhodey just looked at him for a long moment. “I have no idea. I’m glad you did, because I didn’t know what to do if you didn’t. I was only eighteen at the time, almost nineteen. I had no idea how to deal with fifteen-year-old you who was self-destructing. Though that was the first time I realized how much I hated Howard Stark.”<br/>Tony grew serious. “You saved my life, Rhodey. I wouldn’t have survived that time without you. You got saddled with this fifteen-year-old kid who was by turns a trash talking smart mouth to a kid half scared out of his mind. You dealt with both amazingly. You kept me out of trouble when I wanted to run my mouth and when I was completely overwhelmed, you dealt with my clinging.”<br/>Rhodey just shrugged. “I always wanted a little brother. It just took me a while to get one.”</p>
<p>           They each turned their attention onto their gumbo, eating quietly and just enjoying each other’s company. Tony looked around the room as he ate. He couldn’t help but smile at the familiar pictures that graced the walls and some shelves. They were the same set of pictures that Rhodey took with him to every station he’s ever been at. It started with pictures of them at MIT. There were a few pictures of them just hanging out, but the best from that time was when they were both in cap and gowns, arms thrown around each other, grinning. That was taken after their graduation ceremony. There were some with some of his military buddies over the years, but the majority of them were of Rhodey and Tony throughout the years. As Tony looked at the pictures, he could remember every picture and where it was taken. He was always so touched to see them. It was a physical representation of how much he meant to the other man. Tony spied the familiar pictures of his parents and one with his sister.</p>
<p>           Tony looked up when the other man cleared his throat. When Tony met Rhodey’s warm eyes, he could see the amusement in them. Tony grinned wryly.<br/>           “You want more to eat, or are you good? There’s more on the stove.” Rhodey said.<br/>Tony shook his head. “I’m good.”<br/>Rhodey gathered the empty bowls and waved Tony back down when he went to stand. “I got it. Stay there.”<br/>Tony sank back into the armchair he was in and forced himself to relax. This was Rhodey. Tony hasn’t ever known someone who had more patients or tolerance for him than Rhodey. Tony consciously tried not to take advantage of that, of Rhodey’s good nature. When he came back into the room, he sank down into the armchair kitty corner to the one Tony was in.<br/>           “How are you doing Tones? It’s been one hell of a six moths for you.” He said softly, concern in his eyes.<br/>Tony exhaled shakily. He let out a wet laugh as he shook his head. With a few words the other man got passed his defenses.<br/>           “Tones?” Rhodey asked again as he sat forward, closer to Tony.<br/>Tony shook his head and held up a hand. “Gimme a minute, Honey bear.”<br/>Rhodey nodded, sat back and said lightly “That’s about as much space as I’m giving you, so you’ll just have to deal with that.”<br/>Tony laughed, that same wet laugh again. When he felt like he was more in control he started to talk.</p>
<p>           “It was probably one of the hardest periods of my life. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how this was going to hurt you. But I also knew I could never live with myself if I didn’t do everything in my power to save Bucky. I’ve never wanted to hurt you, but I’ve done so so many times. I know you have people in your life who question why you put up with me,” Tony laughed hollowly. “I’ve wondered the same thing over the years.”<br/>           “Hey,” Rhodey cut in sharply. “I don’t let anyone talk about my little brother like that, including you, you got me?”<br/>Tony just nodded. “That night in my shop, when we had that argument… There are no words to tell you how much I wanted to tell you what was going on. To hear that you thought I didn’t trust you… I honestly wondered if my heart was going to give out because of the heartbreak. I’ve never wanted you to think that I don’t trust you. There is no one in my life I trust more. No one. You are, to quote that stupid medical show Clint loves, my person.”<br/>Tony watched the emotions play across his brother’s normally stoic face. Tony couldn’t help his smile when Rhodey choked on his surprised laugh.<br/>           “Hey,” He playfully scolded. “Don’t knock it. It’s a good show.”<br/>Tony rolled his eyes. “How did I not know you like it too?”<br/>Rhodey pointed at him. “That reaction right there. That’s why you didn’t know.”<br/>Tony was relieved when Rhodey started laughing with him. For the first time he knew, without a doubt, they would be okay. Their relationship would recover. He felt the heat in his eyes again and his laugh wobbled a bit.<br/>           “Hey,” Rhodey breathed, scooting to the edge of his chair and reached out for Tony’s hand. He squeezed it tightly. “We are okay. I promise. I won’t say the last six months haven’t hurt. I won’t say I haven't been scared out of my mind for you. But we are okay.”<br/>Tony’s shoulders shook as he tried to get his emotions under control. This was the closest he had ever come to completely breaking and that, now that he had some time to think about it, terrified him. Tony tried not to react when Rhodey pulled away. Tony wanted to cling to his hand, and he hated himself for it, but he felt like Rhodey was his only anchor in the storm he was fighting through. Tony started when an arm went around his shoulders. He was pulled into Rhodey’s side. Tony opened his eyes and saw he was perched on the arm of the chair.<br/>           “It’s okay Tones. Everything is okay. You’re alright.” Rhodey whispered.<br/>Tony let himself relax. He stopped fighting the tidal wave of emotions and found when he stopped fighting the surge of emotion calmed down quickly. He leaned back from the forward hunched position he was sitting in, rubbing at the reactor. His chest didn’t like that position. Rhodey helped ease him back even further, so he was reclined against the back of the chair. Tony clenched his jaw against the pain flaring in his chest.<br/>           “What’s going on?” Rhodey asked, still sitting on the arm of the chair.<br/>           “Muscles are spasming. It’ll calm down in a minute. I can’t sit hunched over like that. This happens whenever I do.” Tony explained in a tight voice.<br/>           “Well then why do you do it, genius?” Rhodey asked lightly.<br/>Tony opened one of his eyes to glare at him. Rhodey just smiled back, which made Tony smile slightly.<br/>           “You better now?”<br/>Tony nodded, the pain easing, taking the overwhelming emotion with it. “Yeah. I guess I just didn’t realize how much the past six moths have taken out of me. I thought after the tower incident as Bruce called it, was my turning point. That I was okay.”<br/>           “Yeah, what tower incident?” Rhodey asked. “I caught that earlier. What happened?”</p>
<p>           Tony gave him a quick rundown of what happened. His face got darker and darker the longer Tony talked. By the end Rhodey was scowling and Tony was completely spent.<br/>           “If you want to know more, talk to Steve or Bucky. I still don’t remember everything that happened.”<br/>           “What I want to know is, why wasn’t I contacted. I’m still your next of kin. I feel like this is something I should have been informed of.” Rhodey frowned.<br/>Tony shrugged. “I think you were on a short mission at the time? But I’m not completely sure. A lot of that time is blurred together for me.”<br/>Rhodey studied Tony’s face and Tony was relieved when he saw him decide to let it go. Tony just didn’t have the energy for anything else. He was completely spent.<br/>           “Why don’t you go get some sleep? You look completely beat.”<br/>Tony just nodded. When he stood, he swayed slightly, but Rhodey steadied him until he got his feet under him.<br/>           “Are you going to be okay getting back to your rooms yourself? I don’t mind tagging along.”<br/>Tony shook his head, dismissing his friend’s concern. “I’ll be fine. I’m just tired, but I’m not going to face plant from here to there.”<br/>Rhodey walked with Tony to the door. Tony was surprised to find himself pulled into a tight hug, but he hugged Rhodey back just as tightly. Tony was shocked when he felt slight pressure at his temple, then Rhodey’s gruff voice said softly, breath ghosting across his skin “Get some sleep Tones. Love you.”<br/>When Tony pulled away, he felt a rush of emotions when he saw Rhodey’s eyes damp. His voice was just as gruff when he replied, “Love you too Gumdrop. You get some sleep too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”<br/>Tony smiled at him, got one in return, then headed off to his room. He was tired enough he figured he’d sleep all night without a problem. When he crawled into bed ten minutes later, he wasn’t expecting to be awake a few short hours later.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! One last chapter to wrap everything up.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony sat up in bed, heart racing. The dream was still running through his mind. Only this time he didn’t save Bucky and Doctor Strange didn’t show up. He reached up to his face, half expecting his fingers to come away with Bucky’s blood, even though he knew that was illogical. Tony threw the covers off himself, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. But that wasn’t enough. He had to get up, to move. Tony went into the bathroom, where he scrubbed his face with cold water, hoping to get rid of the phantom warmth of Bucky’s blood. When he stood back up and looked in the mirror at his dripping face his overactive mind tinted the water red. He shook his head and decided that trying to sleep would be futile. Tony changed into a pair of jeans and one of Rhodey’s old Air Force zip up hoodies. He didn’t bother with shoes or socks and left his suite barefoot.</p>
<p>           He didn’t specify where he wanted to go when he got in the elevator and so JARVIS opened the doors on the communal level. Tony stepped out. The smell of baking chocolate immediately assaulted his senses. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent. He knew that meant Bucky was up too. Tony detoured into the kitchen, half expecting Bucky to be in there, but he wasn’t. The kitchen was empty and spotless. A large bowl of frosting was sitting on the counter. Tony got closer and realized it was Bucky’s espresso frosting. He got a spoon and took a tiny bite. Tony closed his eyes and let the flavors play over his tongue.<br/>
“Do not eat all my frosting Tony,” Bucky called.<br/>
Tony jumped slightly and looked up at the doorway. It was empty.<br/>
“I know you. You couldn’t resist a spoonful of that frosting. It’s for the cake. Leave the rest of it alone. I made some truffles. They are in the fridge. Get some coffee and bring them in with you.” Bucky said.<br/>
Tony put the spoon in the sink, poured himself some coffee from the pot Bucky made, debated for a minute, then brought the whole thermal coffee pot with him. On his way by, Tony got the truffles out of the fridge. Tony found Bucky in the lounge. He was knitting again. He looked up when Tony entered and Tony offered him a small smile. Bucky didn’t return it. He simply narrowed his eyes as he studied him. Tony tried not to fidget. Bucky jerked his head toward the other side of the sofa.<br/>
“Don’t sit on my yarn.”</p>
<p>           Tony settled on his side of the sofa, being careful of Bucky’s yarn. He held up the coffee pot in a silent question. Bucky nodded. Tony filled the other man’s mug and leaned back in his seat, cradling his own close to his chest. It was quiet in the room, only the background hum of electronics and the clicking of Bucky’s needles. Tony didn’t know what to say. He could tell the other man wasn’t happy with him, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it. He wasn’t sure what else he could have done.</p>
<p>           “I know I probably shouldn’t be angry with you, but I am. I know that’s not fair. I know it’s not logical, but I can’t really help it. I hate that you went into that fight knowing you were going to die so I didn’t.” Bucky said mildly, eyes fixed on his moving needles. “I hate knowing that you knew one of us was going to die and you didn’t tell me.”<br/>
“I couldn’t tell you.” Tony defended himself. “Surely you believe what I told you.”<br/>
Bucky used the needle he just cleared to point at Tony, a glare on his face.<br/>
“What is it with you and pointing sharp things at me?” Tony asked, trying to lighten the mood.<br/>
Bucky growled low in his throat and Tony was taken aback. He chose his next words carefully. “Bucky, I thought everyone would die if I told anyone. I couldn’t take that risk.”<br/>
“I know that!” Bucky snapped.<br/>
“You’re not being reasonable.”<br/>
“And ya are just asking for me to smack ya again, ain’tcha?”<br/>
“What? Bucky!”<br/>
“I know I’m not being reasonable but you pointin’ it out is unneeded. And frankly, just pissin’ me off.”<br/>
“You said you know you, it's not logical. How is that fair?”<br/>
“It’s not. Deal with it.”<br/>
Tony fell silent, not knowing how to fix this, and starting to truly fear that it couldn’t be fixed.</p>
<p>           The silence between the two was oppressive. Tony was just getting ready to stand and leave the room, because he could feel his anxiety rising and he didn’t want to make Bucky deal with that, when Bucky let out a loud sigh. He set his knitting aside, and Tony wondered idly what he was making. Bucky turned on the sofa to look at Tony. The severe look on his face faded when he took Tony in. He closed his eyes and let out a softer sigh.<br/>
“Ah, Tiny.”<br/>
Tony paused with indecision. He knew he wasn’t getting the panic under control, but he didn’t want to leave if Bucky was ready to talk to him.<br/>
“Stay put. Relax and let it pass. I’m not going anywhere.” Bucky frowned lightly. “What do you need from me?”<br/>
Tony just shook his head, working on his breathing. Now that his presence didn’t seem to be making Bucky mad, it was easier to focus on regaining control of his body. It was an agonizingly long ten minutes, but eventually his heart settled back down into his normal rhythm and his breaths weren’t wheezing gasps.</p>
<p>           Bucky was watching Tony with sad eyes, a frown pulling at his mouth. Tony offered him a weak smile and Bucky shook his head.<br/>
“Just to be completely clear, I never wanted to push you to that. I’m sorry.” Bucky said.<br/>
Tony tried to cut in, but Bucky just kept talking. “We both know that was a result of my actions. Don’t try to lie about that to make me feel better.” Bucky paused. “I know what it’s like to live for months on end in fear and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, but least of all you. I’m mad at the situation you were put in, and I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry.”<br/>
“Bucky, you can feel however you want to feel about this. I don’t know that there’s a wrong way.”<br/>
“Sure, I can be mad; that doesn’t give me the right to hurt you though. Nothing gives me that right. Especially when it’s not even you I’m mad at.” Bucky trailed off and Tony left him sit there quietly.</p>
<p>           Tony was never very good at just sitting around. He needed more stimulation than that. So, while he was trying to be patient and give Bucky the time he needed, his mind was racing in dozens of different directions and his hands were almost twitching with a physical desire for something to fiddle with. Tony’s eyes snapped up when Bucky let out another sigh.<br/>
“The lives we live, they aren’t conducive to safety. I know that and I accept that, but the thought of losing Steve or you… It panics me in a way… Losing any of the team would be hard. I’m not saying it wouldn’t. But Steve is my past. Loving that guy, I swear, is encoded in my DNA.” Bucky pointed a warning finger at Tony. “Don’t want a science lecture.”<br/>
Tony smiled at him and Bucky snorted and lowered his hand. “You, Tony, are everything great about the future. But more than that, you are the only one, except for Steve-that seems to happen a lot, doesn’t it-who was never afraid of me. Of the Winter Soldier. And not that forced unafraid Sam did in the beginning.” Bucky shook his head, a slight smile on his face. “I don’t know what that says about your own sanity or your sense of self preservation, but it means a lot to me. I don’t know how you did it, but you are one of the best friends I’ve ever had. The thought of losing that, especially because you died saving me… That would be incredibly hard to live with.”<br/>
“I can understand that,” Tony nodded. “I’d hate it if I was in your position. I know I would. But you have to know there was no other option for me, right?”<br/>
“Of course, I do. Just like there wouldn’t have been any other option for me, or for Steve or Rhodey or any of the others.” Bucky paused when JARVIS spoke up.<br/>
“Sergeant Barnes, you put your cakes in the oven forty minutes ago. Might I suggest that you go check on them?”<br/>
Bucky swore softly and vaulted over the back of the sofa. Tony shook his head.<br/>
“It would have taken you two seconds to walk around it!”<br/>
Bucky didn’t answer him, but Tony could hear him grumbling in the kitchen. Tony took a sniff, trying to see what the problem was, but they smelled great to him. Tony was still looking at the doorway when Bucky came back through.<br/>
“They okay?” Tony asked with a smile.<br/>
Bucky leveled an unimpressed look at him, and Tony raised his hands.<br/>
“How is this my fault?”<br/>
Bucky took the long way around the sofa for the sole purpose of being able to lightly knock into Tony.<br/>
“Don’t recall sayin’ it was.” Bucky said mildly, as he settled back in beside Tony.<br/>
Tony snorted and shook his head. “You know, Steve’s right. You are a jerk.”<br/>
“And you’re a punk, just like him. What’s your point, Tiny?” Bucky shot back.<br/>
Tony couldn’t help it, he started to laugh. Bucky looked at him like he had lost his mind, laughed at him once, then picked up his knitting.</p>
<p>           It took Tony several long minutes to get his rush of emotions under control. He knew that the bout of laughter had very little to do with that last little exchange, but more to do with the fact that things between him and Bucky seemed to be looking better.<br/>
“So, cakes? You never answered me.”<br/>
Bucky paused his knitting and looked up at him. “They are fine.” Bucky narrowed his eyes at Tony, then rolled up his yarn. He stood and told Tony to do the same. “C’mon. Up.”<br/>
Tony was confused but he got up and allowed Bucky to switch places with him. Bucky told him to stay, while he settled into Tony’s old spot. Tony was confused when the other man reached down and grabbed a pillow from the floor beside the sofa. Bucky pointed to the seat beside him and said firmly, “Sit.”<br/>
Tony settled onto the seat Bucky indicated, still confused at why they changed positions. He startled when Bucky abruptly grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down. He thrashed a little bit but calmed down when Bucky guided him down onto the pillow, which he had settled on his leg. Tony was about to protest, when Bucky threw a blanket over him.<br/>
“JARVIS, play Wall-E please,” Bucky said. “Go to sleep Tony.”</p>
<p>           The opening scene started to play. Tony started to protest, but Bucky started scratching his nails lightly against his scalp and Tony felt himself relax.<br/>
“Not fighting fair.” Tony mumbled, sleep already overcoming him.<br/>
Bucky’s voice was warm when he replied, “I’m not fighting anymore Tiny. Try to keep up. You’re much quicker when you’re not tired. It’s okay. You’ll catch up tomorrow.”<br/>
Tony wanted to respond to the jab, but the gentle scratching and the beeping of the little cartoon bot sent him to sleep.</p>
<p>           “I swear Barton. If you wake him, I will hurt you.” Tony heard a voice growl.<br/>
“Relax, man. He’s out.” Another said.<br/>
Tony started to shift slightly, not sure what was going on.<br/>
“I think you need your eyes checked, Hawkeye, if you can’t see that you just woke him.”<br/>
Tony forced his eyes open. Then blinked several times, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. The team was lounging in the room around them. Clint was the closest, and he was staring at him rather intently.<br/>
“What did I say, Clint? You woke him.” Bucky hissed.<br/>
Tony finally remembered where he was and why. He was still laying on the pillow propped against Bucky’s leg. Tony sat up, rubbed his face and mumbled “Morning” before getting up and heading to the nearest bathroom. When he was done, he splashed water on his face and scrubbed, trying to wake up. On his way back into the lounge, he stopped and got a mug of coffee. While he was in there, he called out to everyone else to ask if they wanted any. He got negative responses, so he just brought his own with him.</p>
<p>           Tony plopped down in the same spot, only this time sitting up. Bucky was on his right and Clint was now on his left, instead of perched on the coffee table in front of him.<br/>
“Was there something you needed, Clint?” Tony asked mildly, before taking a long sip of his coffee. “Or were you just trying to annoy Bucky?”<br/>
“Just marveling at the fact he didn’t kill you,” Clint said cheerfully.<br/>
Tony snorted. “The only person he’s going to kill is you.”<br/>
“No one is killing anyone,” Steve broke in, then shook his head. “I can’t believe we are having this conversation.”<br/>
Suddenly Bucky slapped his thighs and stood up. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m having chocolate cake with dark chocolate ganache and espresso frosting for breakfast.”<br/>
“Ohh,” Tony murmured.<br/>
Bucky laughed. “I just got to assemble it. C’mon.”<br/>
“Really, you two?” Steve asked, disapproval in his voice.<br/>
Rhodey snorted. “Two, Steve? Try three. That sounds good.” Rhodey stood to join the others.<br/>
Sam stood as well, laughing at Steve. “Chocolate cake for breakfast won’t kill you every now and then.”<br/>
“Though without some sort of protein we are all going to be hungry in an hour,” Bruce chimed in with a smile. “Especially those with fast metabolisms.”<br/>
“It’s got eggs in it,” Bucky said. “What more do you want?”<br/>
“So we can have lunch in two hours.” Natasha said easily. “It’s hardly a big deal.”</p>
<p>           Tony went over to the freezer and started to look through it.<br/>
“Honeybear, dig out the soup pot will you. We can have an early lunch in three hours.”<br/>
As Bucky finished his cake, Tony and Rhodey threw together a quick vegetable soup while the rest of the group milled around in the kitchen. Tony pulled out some red potatoes, a cutting board and a knife and shoved them at Clint with instructions to make himself useful and cut the potatoes. Clint shook his head but settled in to do what he was told.</p>
<p>           Everyone sat down in the kitchen to eat huge pieces of chocolate cake, glasses of milk and coffee while the meat simmered away on the stove. There was a slight tension that slowly eased as they spent more time together. By the time the meal was over, the atmosphere between them was completely relaxed. As they were cleaning up, Clint wrapped an arm around Tony’s neck and whispered in his ear, “Nat and I get it. For a mission, and this was a mission, you do what you have to do. Sometimes you don’t get a choice and what you have to do sucks, but you do it. That’s the job. We’re sorry you had to deal with this, but we get it. That’s the job. We’re here if you need us.”<br/>
Tony looked at Nat, who nodded solemnly before going back to collecting dishes.<br/>
“Thanks, Clint.” Tony replied just as quietly.<br/>
Clint squeezed Tony’s neck slightly, then let go and moved away. Tony knew nothing more would be said between them, unless he instigated it.</p>
<p>It was an unspoken agreement that pulled everyone back to the lounge. Bucky settled back into the same spot with his knitting. Tony sat beside him and took the tablet Rhodey handed him. Steve was on his other side, sketchbook already open on his knee. Sam, Rhodey, Nat and Clint were all sitting around a small table on the far side the of room starting a game of poker. Bruce and Thor were talking quietly about a book Thor was reading that Bruce had recommended. Sam looked up and met Tony’s gaze. Sam smiled slightly at Tony, before turning his attention back to his cards. Tony felt the last of the tension drain out of him. This was his team, his family, and they were going to be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that's it. I hope you all enjoyed my little story. Once again, I want to give a huge thank you to the mods of the IMBB. This has been a great challenge, and I was honored to be a part of it. Thank you to Judy_The_Dreamer for the wonderful artwork. I hope you all are staying safe and healthy. Until next time.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A nor’easter is a storm along the East Coast of North America, so called because the winds over the coastal area are typically from the northeast. These storms may occur at any time of year but are most frequent and most violent between September and April (taken from the National Weather Service website).</p><p>I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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